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Christmas Spirit

It started happening a couple of weeks ago, that feeling of joy in the air. People are becoming more friendly, grateful and cheerful. Ah, the Christmas spirit. No one is immune to it.

A heaviness is lifted, scowls are turned to smiles, impatience with enduring, and forgiveness instead of fault finding.

After a year of our leaders nit picking, outrageous crimes and blatant lies, and worst of all name calling, smear campaigns and all sorts of juvenile, reprehensible, disgusting, vile behaviour, the Christmas spirit is a most welcome reprieve.

I was most impressed with Tom Hanks starting a trend of tweeting good things said, I hope that continues. We need to have fresh air. The antics of our leaders have made everything stale and most foul. I am heartily tired of it.

It seems as if avarice has infiltrated every sector of society. I am so disheartened to learn just how far these tentacles have reached, into everything and anything that might make someone rich, famous and powerful. I am sickened that many support this, especially women. Ugh.

I have nothing against being rich, famous and powerful – only the means by which this is attained, and the aftermath of it, how it is used. From what I’ve seen, I’m not greatly encouraged. Not more cars, telephones and f’in rocketship space junk puhleese!

However, Christmas is coming and with it, the joy I see in peoples faces. The weariness of day to day living is lifting and we are remembering what life should be all about.

As an aside, I am also very happy to see a resurgence of the craft industry, people making things, taking up knitting and stuff. Seeing people make things that have value and meaning and are fun! I was excited to see that toy trains are experiencing a renewal.

As I am rambling in this blog (and it is my blog to ramble in) what I would absolutely love to have is my own workshop, replete with lathes, drill press, scroll saw and lots of tools so I can make stuff like I used to in my Dad’s workshop.

I guess at Christmas I revert back to my childhood when life was a whole lot more creative and fun than it is now.

But, I have the Christmas spirit and I am happy.

Bring on the fruit cake, yule logs, shortbread cookies and lots of smiles!

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Just Because Again

At this time of year I usually recommend that you buy yourself something, a just because gift.

I got my just because gifts this week, to cover my birthday and Christmas as they come so close together.

Now before you run off and call me selfish, it is first of all, okay to be a bit selfish once in a while – hence the ‘just because’ gift. We spend so much time taking care of everyone else and forget that we are worthy of rewarding ourselves. The gift should be something you really want – not something you need necessarily, but something very interesting, unusual and you. It does not have to be practical. It can be silly. It can be anything that your heart truly longs for.

This gift you do not justify to anyone else; no need to explain why you got it, or how much money it cost, or offer all kinds of excuses for getting it or anything else to make yourself look small. Get the gift. Don’t tell anyone. It is yours.

It took me a long while to realize how important this is. It does not mean I don’t give to others, that somehow someone else I love is deprived. Good grief. But if I continually deprive myself of good things, things that make my heart sing, if only for a short while, I am giving myself a very clear message that I am not worthy, that I am less than others. Bah, humbug.

Too many years of this already.

Your gift can be anything that means something to you. An experience. A course. A seminar. A retreat. Vacation. Jewellery. Clothing. Dust collector. Book. Something you’ve wanted for ages ‘just because’ you like it, you want it.

Of course, don’t be silly and rush out and buy a Corvette unless you can afford it! But if a Corvette is what you want – then give yourself the gift of permission to have it, and then make plans to save, work, enter contests, whatever (nothing illegal here please) to get it.

I am a very frugal person, so it used to be very hard to buy anything new for myself without trying to find it already used or on sale, or to substitute a lesser value/quality item and tell myself it is good enough. Especially something I don’t need. Don’t you do that! The first time I bought something new, of high quality, at full price, I felt faint! It felt sneaky, but exhilarating. But, boy, did that change my outlook, and my confidence. So now I do the just because every year. It shows me I love myself. That I can do things. I can be someone. Someone worthy.

Let me tell you, owning nice things does a lot for your soul. Even getting one small item that is your hearts desire is worth it. Even if it is something you just look at once in a while. No it is not crazy.

If it doesn’t do the same for you, make you feel awesome, you are doing it wrong. Treat yourself like you would treat someone you are madly in love with and long to please and make happy, just to see them light up with joy and jump up and down and cry a little. Make yourself the giver and the recipient and see what happens.

If you want to get married but are alone, propose to yourself, get yourself a ring, marry yourself! (It has already been done by the way). If you love roses but think buying a dozen is an extravagant waste – buy yourself a dozen long stem beauties and enclose a sexy, make your heart sing love card. And put those lovelies in a big, bold, beautiful vase. Send yourself a Christmas card! You have to love and honour yourself – put the oxygen mask on yourself first before you help others. When you cherish yourself, watch what happens to your life.

You are worth it.

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Cure the Introvert

I am an introvert. Can you please just leave me alone about it?!

Stop trying to make me an extrovert.

The latest is, us introverts ‘suffer’ from social anxiety disorder. Puh-leese!

First of all, I abhor labels. Labels belong on products like carrots, hairspray and toilet paper. Human beings are so much more than a character trait, and we can change hourly. One minute we are a snivelling, wretched mess, the next superman/woman. I refuse to be identified by a singular characteristic. What makes extroverts normal and healthy and the rest of us dysfunctional? It is bullshit.

Animals are sometimes solitary (and aggressively defend such times) and other times social. Feral cats spend evenings with their buddies, the day is mostly on their own. I watch seagulls who quite happily fly around all day where ever they please and then also quite happily congregate in huge numbers for an afternoon siesta. Animals choose how they spend their time and who with. We are no different.

Sometimes I am an extrovert, I like to socialize, the difference being, I can only do short periods of it, not 3 days of constant partying. I spend 90% of my time alone. So whereas my periods of socializing are anywhere from a few minutes to a couple of hours a few times a month, extroverts have the opposite schedule.

The differences between us are a matter of scale and preference. Neither is wrong or right, we are just different.

Calling introversion a social anxiety disorder puts an urgency on a trait that is quite normal for a great deal of people, and sets in motion the idea that we need to be treated and cured. It is NOT a disorder. We are NOT sick. Stop it!

Instead of beating us up, why not focus on our strengths, cut us some slack (i.e. stop making us go to office parties, do presentations, schmooze, share office space and the like). Let us decide if we want to participate. Making us be you is bullying.

You cannot change us. My Mother (God rest) tried to convert me into a social butterfly princess and caused me intense suffering, along with many well meaning work places and people who knew what was best for me.

So accept the fact introverts like to be alone most of the time. There is nothing to cure.

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Time to Stop/Start

A lot of young millennials are out protesting and yelling at us ‘boomers’ about climate change. Pointing the finger at us and scolding and shaming us. Fine. Yes, we created problems. And yes, these problems are frighteningly real.

Every generation blames their parents for a bad world that they inherit. We got a mess from our parents, now you do too. There is always a big mess.

However, it is time to stop blaming us and take action, otherwise, you become just like us – endless talk and research and nothing gets done. It is time to mature and stop whining. It is my experience that protesting incites violence and results in minimal change.

If you want policy change, get in there, you are old enough to run for office. If you want a clean ocean, take a cue from Boyan Slat (The Ocean Clean Up), and get out there and clean it up! You want to protect the forests and wildlife – get out there and do it!

Your generation has many more opportunities, is much better educated than us, and has more innovative technology than we had. Just as we did beyond our parents generation. The best way to shame us is to do a whole lot better than we did with all the advantages we had.

Yes, there are very real problems and threats to our well being, there always has been, and yes it is a crisis. Stop yelling at us to fix it. Give us constructive workable solutions, like Boyan Slat (The Ocean Clean Up) and we can supply the money and experience. You have the imagination, innovation and energy.

Young and old, men and women and all cultures need to work together and create a great world to live in. Let’s work together. Stop ranting and start taking action. We will help.

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Asleep But Still Functioning

I know that what I am about to write about is rather obvious to most of you, but for me it is novel. I equate it to having been unconscious and still functioning, walking around asleep but managing, and not being much aware of it.

Let me explain. For 2+ years I have been ill. I developed a condition that decreased my physical mobility to that of those lumbering ancient tortoises you see on the Galapagos Islands. While acutely aware of my new physical limitations, I was unaware of how much this was affecting my mental abilities. Not just my mood, but my perception and ability to do things, especially the mundane, so called easy tasks.

I noticed this as I folded my laundry this morning. For the first time in what seems forever, doing laundry seemed to go much faster and all my towels etc. were neatly folded. I marveled at the straight uniform folded pile of towels and how easy that went. A simple task that I struggled with, not just because my limbs were tired and hurting, but I was not able mentally to fold anything straight.

Perhaps this sounds ridiculous, I guess it does. As time goes by and I get better (thanks to big pharma), I am noticing how much trouble I had with mundane tasks for the past two years. Of course I was aware of how much trouble the big things were, like getting on and off a bus, sitting on low seats (ahem, toilets) and then trying to get back up, carrying groceries, even pouring a cup of tea! Physical things were exhausting and difficult to execute, even just standing for a short period of time was depleting. And managing a cane while trying to do all this was enlightening. All this gave me a new outlook and empathy for others similarly struggling.

But what I missed seeing was the mental struggle. Being depressed and moody was understandable. But losing some mental ability was startling. I was not thinking straight. My perception of the world was skewed. It was not a huge difference, perhaps not even noticed by others (or they were polite!), but now I am thinking like I used to, before this condition, without ever realizing I had stopped thinking like I used to. Very strange.

As I said before, we are very much chemical beings. The chemistry of our bodies and minds quite often determine our behaviour, thoughts and actions, and we are unaware.

I liken my experience to being sleep deprived. You think you are okay, but you are not. You do not realize how out of it you are until either someone points it out, or you discover it yourself as a blatant mistake you made in judgement and reasoning or in performing a task, much after the fact.

At any rate, I am back to being my very happy old self! I certainly missed her!

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Talk is Cheap

I’ve been watching Trump and company for some time now, all the high crimes and misdemeanors, and have decided to go on a Trump free diet.

The realm of politics is one of pure evil, where all manner of crimes go unpunished. Corruption is the norm. Politics attracts criminals because it is a safe haven for them. They can commit all kinds of atrocities and never face justice. Politics is immoral and indecent, the devils own playground.

In the ordinary world, a person commits a crime, is arrested and goes to jail. I have never seen a politician arrested, do time or even been handcuffed. And their crimes way outstrip that of most of the populace. In the normal world there is protocol, accountability, manners, a code of conduct and decency that we try to follow. There is at least a sense of fairness and justice in our day to day interactions with others. We know how to be civilized. Could any of us do any of the things Trump does so blatantly without recourse? Would we even want to? No way!

Politics enables the psychopaths, egomaniacs, narcissists, and the psychotic to wreak havoc without consequence. Their crimes range from verbal abuse all the way to genocide and they never do time, they don’t even pay a fine. They are allowed, even enabled, to give free rein to their severe personality disorders. Such a person would not last long in normal society. In politics, they are there forever.

Crimes in politics just goes on and on and on without any resolution. Endless investigations and talk, talk, talk. Talk is cheap. I have no tolerance for unfinished business. What is there to investigate, to debate? It is right there in our faces. But . . .

The rules of my normal world don’t apply to politics and therefore I cannot hope that good will triumph over evil. Politics disheartens the good and instills hopelessness. Who needs that?

I want my head to be where there is hope and peace. The place where ordinary people do extraordinary things. The smallest acts of kindness are a million times more grand than the endless spewing of meaningless promises coming from any politicians mouth.

The real doers of this world get my vote – the person who frees a bird from a fishing net, who rescues an animal in distress. Who gives a hungry person a meal, a homeless person a pair of shoes. The people out there cleaning up the oceans and landscapes. The ones rolling up their sleeves and doing the work and we see results of their labour.

There are enough mini psychopaths and tyrants in my own normal world, thank you very much, that I have to deal with. Fortunately, in my realm, good outstrips evil most of the time, and these people are kept in check. Good outweighs evil and that is the only place I want to live.

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Chemical Beings

As much as this upsets me to admit it, we are chemical beings.

When I was young I refused to believe this, which is ironic, because it is when you are young that you are the most influenced and controlled by the hormones in your body. I wanted to believe that us humans were some how above our biology, that we are intellectual and mind over matter and all that stuff.

Having been sick for several years, and resorting to big pharma for a remedy, (it is working), I have come to the conclusion that chemicals rule pretty much all of our thought processes.

I did realize as an older person, that hormones controlled most of my adulthood, leaving me to say, what the fuck was I thinking, in a lot of the ridiculous choices I made. Decisions that were not rational, and I did know better! It was not just youth and lack of experience, it was something more, something sinister. Biology! Back in the days when pairing up with another biological being was the predominant force in all of life’s choices – whether I was conscious of it or not. Oh that nasty oxytocin!!!

While I was sick my world view was quite skewered into negative land, though I fought long and hard to keep my head above the water line and stay positive. Taking medication has thrown my world into euphoria (at least for a while), and though a whole lot better way to be, has made me see, I am a product of the chemicals in my body, both physically, and mentally.

Isn’t it strange hearing this from someone with a university education in biology? I had to live a long time to believe what I was taught.

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Mean

When did we become so mean spirited? Why?

I watched with disgust as President Trump mocked 2 lovers at a recent rally he had, it was most unpleasant to witness a leader stoop so incredibly low. Does he think it makes him look better to belittle, judge, humiliate, mock others?

Leaders are adopting bullying, a juvenile, dangerous and utterly destructive form of leadership. Have you ever been bullied at school? At work? It is a most effective strategy is it not? If you are the bully, you have power over others, you rule the school yard, the office. Bullies don’t care what the cost is, they only want power and to destroy. They are totally self interested and they feed on fear.

Our leaders display the most despicable behaviours when they should be examples of grace, acceptance, manners, diplomacy. Instead they bully, blatantly lie and smear others with hateful commentary. They go to extreme lengths to discredit a fellow human being, engaging others in the quest and ignore their own faults and crimes. They are totally self absorbed. People mistake this as confidence and worship them. Such blind loyalty to a flawed human being is going to cost you. Everyone eventually falls around them, while they are still standing. Is this what we want our children to emulate?

Though I see this at a high level of leadership, I also see the ordinary person be extraordinary and rebel against this hate. Rejecting the us and them mentality that causes so much strife and violence. A leader is one person. We are many. We can quietly do good and change the world. Every small act of good can wipe out tons of bad. By living right we demonstrate what greatness is. We owe it to our children to show them the proper way to live.

The world is, like it or not people, a global community. If you look at history, we have always been striving to be so, eager to cross lines to trade and share, always on the move, restless to encounter others. The boundaries that once separated us are disintegrating, thanks to our ability to rapidly communicate and travel anywhere in the world. This is good and necessary because we all occupy the same, one, small little blue planet, alone in a huge and hostile universe. It is amazing we could think otherwise. The world is a closed ecosystem, what happens in one place spreads out everywhere. No, not even walls can hold back the jet stream, the ocean currents, tectonic plate movements!

Imagine if we all decided to clean up the pollution, end poverty, treat each other with respect and love. If we all worked together to fix our global griefs.

As long as we focus on our differences, openly mock and scorn others, keep our narrow mindedness and hard opinions, we are on a fast track to destruction.

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Help!

Lucky for me, I finally have a diagnosis and treatment for a condition I’ve been suffering for 2 years! I am very happy to be getting well, at last. However. . .

If you have ever been diagnosed with something, and chances are you have if you are human and alive, you have no doubt experienced a plethora of advice and horror stories that can greatly diminish any optimism you might have held.

It is the horror stories that are the worst. Advice I can ignore.

A floodgate of terror is opened when you tell someone you’ve got something. You’ll hear about how their uncles best friend got it and suffered and was never the same, died a horrible death and left his family destitute. It will always be a story that even the best fiction writers couldn’t dream up.

Sympathy? My employer asked me if I had a list of all the job sites to advertise my job, just in case they have to do without me.

Excuse me?

The best thing ever said to me, many years ago when I was very upset about an illness was, “I am so sorry you are going through this, if there is anything I can do, please let me know”.

Thank you kind and wise co-worker Judy B!

It is a phrase I have tried to adopt when faced with another’s pain.

I realize we don’t know what to say or do in terrible circumstances, but I do think the best things we can do is listen and offer to help.

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Free With a Price

I guess I must be strange, but when I go to a seminar, I actually want to hear what the speaker has to say.

I recently went to a free seminar on improving your retirement income. As a low income person, to have the opportunity to receive free financial advice from a seasoned professional is a blessing.

But as usual, that sentiment is not shared by many in an audience.

The man next to me loudly announced to a woman, who made the mistake of trying to chit chat to him about the topic before the talk started, that he had no intention or need to retire, that he LOVES what he does. So why are you here? To annoy everyone else I soon found out. He huffed and puffed, clicked his pen constantly throughout the talk, threw the free handouts we got on the chair next to him and sat defiantly with arms crossed.

There were many interruptions and of course, the self proclaimed experts in the audience that took liberties to answer questions for the speaker.

Sigh.

There are so few seminars I have gone to where no one is on their own agenda and respect the speaker and reserve their questions and thoughts until the end of the talk.

However, I did learn a few things, mostly that when it comes to financial advice, you really need a custom made plan as everyone’s life situation is different. And you need to get several opinions and ultimately, make your own plan. The people who could benefit the most are the low income persons, who can’t afford a financial adviser. However, there are free seminars!