If you are asking yourself this question a lot lately, to a point you are frustrated, I want you to stop, listen to some soothing music, go for a walk, sit and do nothing, or at the very least, take a few deep breaths. Anything to stop this question from swirling in your head, because you need to get out of your head, be in touch with your body and realize you are focused on the wrong question. Give yourself a break for God’s sake.
When you were a child your parents most likely taught you by words and actions the things you would need to do as an adult to survive. They weren’t perfect but hopefully you acquired some skills to be on your own.
And God help you, they instructed you to what career/life would be best for you. They meant well. I guess. Gag.
So you learned that you need to do some unpleasant things. Go to the doctor for checkups. Make your bed. Do the dishes. Buy groceries. Work. Clean your house. You also learned some equally difficult social skills like being kind when you don’t feel like it, be helpful, have manners, don’t poke your sister. These are the things you should do with your life. Along with be a lawyer, a doctor, or any such profession that will bring you oodles of money (and let your parents off the hook of caring for you anymore).
The things you should do are a long list and tremendously rigid, restrictive, boring and repetitive. They are duties and rules and obligations.
Blah.
When you ask the question, what should you do with your life, you no doubt feel a 20 ton weight fall on you, because the answer to what you should do is all those requirements you must do to survive. And worse, what other people or society tell you what you should do. Heavy expectations. Yikes! You are doomed to failure my friend. It won’t be pretty.
The question therefore is not what you should do, you already know the answer to that in spades.
Ask what you could do with your life instead.
What you could do with your life is endless possibilities. There are no restrictions except for your own limitations.
Now don’t just jump into your head and start listing off all the things you could do. That list would be huge and you would be overwhelmed, and once again, squashed under that 20 ton weight. Chill man. Take stock of some things that interest you, even if it is a mild interest or a mere curiosity. Sniff out some things. But don’t beat yourself up over this.
But if you come up with nothing because nothing interests you, get out of your head and listen to your body. Stop looking for the answer. Don’t ask anyone for their opinion. Take a walk. Go for a ride on your bike. Read a book. Watch a you tube video. Go and have a coffee at Starbucks. Quiet your thoughts and just observe what is going on around you. Eventually something will catch your eye. I promise you, something will cross your path that will ignite your interest. It doesn’t have to be anything great and grand or earth shattering. Could be as simple as I wonder how you make a cappuccino? Then go and find out!
If you are really stuck, try something you think you won’t like. I took a free on-line course I thought might be dry, about the history of architecture and it blew my mind!
The point is, try something. Anything. Get out of your head. Because once you step out and try something, no matter how silly you are on your path to finding yourself and real joy.
Oh, and you don’t need anyone’s permission to do this. You don’t need anyone’s opinion about it either. You don’t even have to tell anyone. In fact, it is better if you just do it on your own. A nice little secret between you and you. How delicious is that!
Every door that you open has twenty more doors you can explore. For instance, I learned to play the flute, which led to learning the piano, which now led to the tin whistle. I took technical writing which led to making content, to making videos, to being a stand up comic. Even something you read can lead to new things to read.
If you stand still and do nothing, you have no path. You will be amazed at how a path starts forming once you try something. You do something which leads to something else. You start, you stop, you switch gears, you keep going. Something will eventually resonate with your being. Pay attention to your heart. Allow those interests to evolve into more interests.
But a heads up here.
You may never find your purpose. You may never find meaning. You may never find a career. These are bullshit goals anyways and not worth pursuing and are 20 ton weights. Life is meant to be enjoyed. You can become an expert at anything, and lots of things. But the main thing is to have a blast while you are on this earth. Lighten up!
It is wrong to think you are only entitled to pursue one thing and stick with it until you want to puke. Listen to your heart and no one else. It does not have to be a serious pursuit. Forget the shoulds. Focus on the coulds.
A big mistake I made was not switching my major in university when I became interested in another program. My heart was leading me elsewhere. I didn’t have to give up my desire to get a degree, I could have got a degree in something else that was in tune with who I am. But I stuck through a very hard four years and got a degree that I never used. It was not me.
I knew a lady who had scholarships to study bioengineering, anywhere in the world! But she gave it up to do dance therapy and has a very happy and rewarding life right now.
The trick is to know when to quit and when to persevere. And that only comes by paying attention to your heart. It is okay to quit dead ends and move on to something else. To do art, music or whatever, you will need to endure some aspects of that you don’t enjoy. Your body and heart will tell you if the end is worth the means. I hate that I need to practice scales on the flute, but I persist because I really want to be able to play music. I know I have to spend hours sketching in order to make a lovely final drawing. But I discovered I really, really hate coding and project management, so I gave up technical writing.
I have watched people sacrifice their lives in pursuit of things not aligned with who they are, things that they hated. And you know what? They didn’t end up any better off than me. Nope. They may have had a profession. They may have loads more money than me. But they are no happier than me. In fact, some are miserable.
There are absolutely no guarantees in life. None. Not for wealth, health or happiness. So you might as well F*K the shoulds and focus on the coulds.
If you pay attention to your heart it will guide you. You don’t have to have a career. You don’t have to be a professional. You already know what you should do to be a responsible adult. Now go and do whatever you could do and have fun!
