Today, after another painful physio session, I wax philosophical once again at the bus stop.
As a fatalist, who believes in a predetermined destiny of most things, I am coming to realize that I am not being prepared for any future thing. There is no purpose to my life in that I am going anywhere. Instead, I am constantly being changed right on the spot, day by day. God is a creator. He is always creating something new. I am always on the potters wheel, constantly being molded by Gods’ loving hands. Never to be a finished project, but a work in progress, constantly recreated. There is no end goal. If I look at the world around me, all things are constantly being renewed, every single second.
I used to think events had something to teach me, and yes, this is still sometimes true. Until I experienced constant pain. Pain can work on you only so far, and then you burn out. The universe is not a school. The universe is creativity, bringing things into being. I can move forward by learning things from my experiences, but the goal is not to build character. There is no goal. It is just constant change.
I have learned that you must fight to win, and persevere, but there are times to step back and let it go where it will. This episode is teaching me to turn inside out, to see the world with gratitude and love, despite the screaming banshee in my legs always calling me back to myself. I am part of a much larger thing.
It is a time for me to let God finally have rule over my life. To let Him flow through me, making every moment a God moment. A love moment, seeing with gratitude and wonder, awe and reverence for all that is evolving.
I am part of a story. The story of the universe. A story of creativity.
On the way home I rescued a large fluffy yellow caterpillar from undulating out into traffic and placed him back into a grassy field. I wonder what kind of butterfly he will become? Another work in progress.