Author: samandoat

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There Is Still Hope

A beautiful antique Singer sewing machine came up for sale while I was scrolling mindlessly through items on my cell phone a few days ago.  It was exactly like the one my Mother used, and was in immaculate condition.  This set in motion a longing in me to have it, but at $450 and with too small of an apartment I could only gaze at the picture and sigh.

This gave me pause for thought.  As I get older I pine more for the past which causes quite a bit of frustration.  I see items all the time I had as a young girl and that time of my life was a whole lot better than my adulthood.

But I was thinking.  I am very very fortunate to have had all those lovely things at one time in my life.  Although I cannot have them now, I once did have them.  Also, all the things I wish I could do, I once did.  I long to re-experience them, but it is not that I never had them.  So I am very grateful.  I know what it is like to have, and now to want.  Others never have and only ever experience want.

I came from an upper middle class family that afforded us many nice things and experiences.  So for almost 20 years of my life I had those things.  My frustration lies in not being able to go back.  My childhood was a dream time, full of fantasy and creativity.  My adult life, for the most part, sucks shit, and seems to lack the same zeal, and certainly, the appeal.

However, seeing things from the perspective of gratitude for what once was, is helpful.  There is still time to grab hold of some of the past, should my fortunes change and money materialize.  The challenge is to create a better today, and a more hopeful future.  So while I am fortunate to have a generous past to look back at, I may have a more generous future waiting for me.  There is still hope.

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Some Mystery Left

Warm summer nights would find a younger version of myself out in the backyard, alone, gazing at the stars.  For hours in mosquito laden nights I would ponder the universe.  My parents, perhaps to satisfy my curiosity, but more likely to keep me close to home and a little less itchy, bought me a telescope, a long white metal tube on a tripod.  Now the night skies were accessible in the comfort of my mosquito free bedroom, and also afforded year round viewing.

When I first saw a magnified moon it frightened me.  Awesome!!  Such a beautiful landscape.  Pristine.

Mom brought me home from a camping trip to watch the lunar landing on TV.  I cried that night.  I was sad the moon bore the footprints of man and was no longer so mysterious.

The Science and Technology Museum offered an astronomy course when I was in my late teens, which I attended every night.  Sometimes there were 4 or 5 of us, but most of the time, it was just me.  We were entertained with documentaries on the universe, solar system and the like until the skies were dark enough for viewing.  Shivering equally from cold and awe, I saw Saturn for the first time through a 15 inch refracting telescope.

I briefly joined the local astronomy club, but they had a strict policy that you could not believe in God and be an astronomer at the same time.  Hmmm.

My engineer Dad harboured a secret desire to work for NASA and I happily accompanied him to Florida to tour the facilities.  It was an overwhelming experience.  Sadly my Dad never applied to work there.  Imagine what might have been.

Along came the series Cosmos and I devoured it all.  Carl Sagan’s unhurried personal tour of the universe and science gave me time to think about what he said.  When a record album of the music of Cosmos was offered by PBS television for a donation, I was glued to the phone.  So for $20, I got the record, and for a few minutes, to talk to the President of PBS.  I still have that record today.  I revisited Cosmos just last month and it has not lost its appeal for me.

Nowadays I am lucky to see one star besides the moon in our bright city skies, so my telescope is covered over and collecting dust.  But there is plenty of viewing on the internet.  The universe is largely untouched.  Some mystery is left.

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No Prizes for Mankind

No Nobel Prize for literature this year?  Well, doesn’t that speak volumes on how far our society has deteriorated.

Life, and all we know of  is like a graph of oscillating functions.  There are peaks and then . . . well, currently we are in the trough where all the pigs eat.

I am hopeful that such upheavals mean we are on the upswing.  Although the peaks are pretty bad also.

In humankind we are all too human.  We need more kind.

Money, power and sex have ruled our societies long enough.  It is time for new ways of being.  However, I am doubtful we can change.  There is a threshold we can so easily cross, which shrinks what little brain we actually use, giving us tunnel vision.  That tunnel vision is greed.

Our leaders are elected solely for their talent in acquiring money, irrespective of the methods.  Their only purpose for being in power is to get more money for themselves.  They are barely given a slap on the wrist for their gross mistreatment of virtually everyone.  Where would you and I be if we behaved so badly?

The uber rich receive awards for creating jobs (yet treat their employees as slaves).  The result is they have so much money they don’t know what to do with it (say what?!).  Some of these arrogant snobs could end world poverty, but launch rockets into space instead (the ultimate phallic symbol) claiming this will help and even save mankind.  Puhleese.

No prizes for mankind this year.

But guess what?  I want to be rich!  Because I want to retire and do the things I love all day.  I don’t want to launch rockets, or have slaves or run countries.  Money is freedom to me.  I want to live well, and live quietly.

Even with my loud voice!

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A Quiet Week at Last!

I was gifted with a loud voice.  We are talking sonic boom kind of vocals.  So I constantly wonder why I end up working in places that demand quiet.  It makes no sense to me.  Is it a cruel joke that I’m not quite getting?

I suppose it is because I am an introvert.  I like working in small establishments.  But I have been given a voice that demands a large audience.

I am not ashamed of my voice.  It is mine.  I cannot regulate it much.  When I try, I go so low no one can hear me.  My volume control dial has two settings, off and 2 notches from max.  Not a shrill voice, it is deep, but I can blast speakers and glass in equal measure when I get excited.  I am often teased I never have to use the phone to call someone.

The only defense I have is to not speak at all, which is effective, but not always a viable alternative.  There are times when I need to be heard, although some might argue that point.

There are celebrations when I get laryngitis.  My friend says “Ah, a quiet weekend at last!”

So, I write.  I draw.  I photograph.  All is quiet and good.

It is a good thing I like to be alone.  I actually hate noise and revere solitude and silence.  So it is very ironic to have these vocals.

There were times when my voice was appreciated.  In school I was encouraged, fortunately, to speak clearly, and eliminate the ‘ums’, ‘like’, ‘ya know what I mean’ and the infamous ‘eh’ from my vocabulary.  But it wasn’t too often I was willing to speak, I was very shy.  I can remember being physically ill having to do class presentations.  But get me on a subject I am passionate about!  Then I let loose!  Imagine – I volunteered to give a speech on a topic I was enthusiastic about, and I did!  Life is strange.

Perhaps my volume was never meant to be a curse but a gift to be used in a way I’ve never considered or overlooked.  I’d make a good PA system.  I’d never be lost for long, people could find me a hundred miles off.

Anyhow, I am stuck with it and my office suffers me and well –

When I retire no one will hear a sound.

A quiet week at last!

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Spring Cleaning

Last Monday an ice storm, today a summer like day.

How lovely to air out the apartment after such a long and brutal winter.  As I sweep away the remnants of winter, Sam, my white cat, assists by rolling next to my broom until we are both coloured grey.  It is all good.

As stale air is replaced by fresh air, I rearrange furniture, wash plants and ornaments and feel that heaviness lift.  Sam zooms around the rooms and helps to do the spring cleaning and rearranging in his own way.

My oxalis is up and straining for sun.  Three maples trees have survived the drab winter months.  All my indoor plants are perking up.  The violets are blooming.

I sit outside for awhile and watch the world around me renew itself.  A cardinal is singing his heart out, a bright orange red splash against a blue sky.  A woodpecker flits from tree to tree waking up the insects.  A seagull circles high above me, his white wings catching the sun.   A brown rabbit is checking out everyone’s flower beds for emerging shoots.  The trees are ready to burst into leaf.  It is a grand day on the edge of spring.  A good day to spring clean my mind!

Today, I refuse to look at the news.  I don’t care about idiot politics or gossip or any bad thing predicted or happening or otherwise.  I don’t care about work and all that drudgery, boredom, problems, or money, whatever.  Today is a day of celebration, of joy!

I’ll get back to finishing the spring cleaning eventually.  There is always tomorrow, or later, or never.

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The Next Big Thing

So, young Mark Zuckerberg looks like a robot.  Well, the man is probably scared shitless, don’t you think?  He is under intense scrutiny. Viewed by millions – possibly the entire world.  Exactly what kind of condition would you be in if this was happening to you?  Mr. Zuckerberg is on trial for the way he looks, sits, acts, speaks and drinks water.  And, oh yeah, for this bit about Facebook . . .

Not that I sympathize with him.  No, not at all.  I mean – isn’t it very fitting that he should be so exposed?

There is a lot of irony to this Facebook fiasco.  We embrace social media, expose ourselves globally, sometimes embarrassingly, then condemn it when it bites us.  Even the founder himself feels the same way!

It is just we are focusing on the wrong things here.

There is also a lot of talk about how this is an issue of technology out of control, we’re losing autonomy, and much more – yes, this is all true.  These are all things we need to address.

But this is not the core issue.

The real crux are problems we’ve had since we invented corporations.

Corruption.  Greed.  Power.

Corporate greed.  Corporate corruption.  Corporate power.

I know, the same old ho-hum stuff.

But Oh! How we love Hollywood!  Celebrity.  Drama.  Political intrigue.  The cover ups, the lies, back tracking and stabbing, fudging, until the whole thing becomes so muddled we don’t know what the truth is. Talk, shock and analyzing. Grab a beer, a bowl of popcorn and sit in front of the telly and catch the latest news.  Overdose on the web, newspapers, magazines, talk shows, documentaries, and commentaries.  Yammer away with friends and family.  Soap operas are the zest and lust of human life.

And what comes from all this?

Not much.

As it fades, we wait for the next big thing.

We don’t want to solve these problems.  We enjoy the theatrics too much!

Next!

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Better Things To Do

After a shitty day at work I come home to my usual answering machine full of threatening and hateful messages from various telemarketers and the like.  Every day a terse threat from Google to update my business listing (I don’t even have a business listing – I also get these calls every day at work – just STOP it).  I get calls from telemarketers asking for Mr. or Mrs. and my last name totally mispronounced.  There are threats that I am up for litigation, or fines, or the Revenue service is after me.  I am extremely popular.

The other day was a particularly crappy day and I got an email from some goof apologizing for his bad English and then threatening to e-mail all my contacts a film of me masturbating if I don’t send 300 Bit Coins to his account.  Oh just shut up, grow up, and stop.

I am sick of this crap.  You scammers and the like, use your brains for something useful.  You are intelligent.  The world is in trouble.  We need people to solve problems, not to create more.

Do you not realize the pain and suffering you cause people who are already overloaded with pain and suffering in their day to day lives?  We have loss, depression, heartache, death, disease – just like YOU.  We have nasty bosses, angry customers.  We are overworked, underpaid.  We are frustrated.  How do you feel when you or your loved ones get such hateful emails and phone messages?  Or do you not look that far ahead?

You spend all day dreaming up these scams to terrorize, spend hours making them real and then dump them on the world like a toxic oil spill.  Why don’t you use all this time and energy to get educated, get a decent job and create things instead of destroying?  How do you want to be remembered – by the world, by your family?  As a loser scammer or someone who did something wonderful for people and the world?

I have had a rough week, and normally I just say PFFFFTTT!  But I am fed up with people who waste not only my time, but the entire worlds time.  People with intelligence who choose the dark side instead of helping.  There are better things to do.

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Buy Yourself Some Roses

My cat Sam is an active little cat, with long legs that propel him in a single bound over several pieces of furniture to his perch on the cat tree.  They also enable him to gallop wildly around the apartment, launching paper, ornaments and anything else once stationary, into space.

He is at once my inspiration and my critic.  His energy calls me to action, to create art, books and blog.  Sam then shows his gratitude by eating my works.

Always glad to see me after work, he covers me with kisses, nips and wads of white fur head to toe.  I ignore him to my peril; he is a four footed demolition crew, and if I dare to go to bed before he is ready, his mournful cries make one think he is dying a slow and painful death.

See my books A Pleasant Day with Sam and Another Pleasant Day With Sam.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sam inspired me to create a new book, Buy Yourself Some Roses, about getting your dreams.  But I really learned how to get my dreams before Sams’ help when I decided to make time to do them.

But not just any old time.

I tried and failed a thousand times to schedule my free time to do what I love.  Scheduled so much I began to hate my free time!  I could not follow it long.  Frustration!

My first book, way back in 2005, was done in only 5-10 minutes each morning before I went to work.  I was amazed at how much drawing I could do in such a short increment of time.  Also surprising was how hard it was to limit myself to a few minutes (I was often then late for work. . .)

I have since learned from books like The Miracle Morning by Hal Elrod, that mornings are the best time to do your dreams.  So I began to allot one half hour to my art and one to physical exercise before doing anything else.

Since that decision, I have published 8 books in only 2 years and started this blog.  I suffered an injury (as noted in previous blogs) that derailed my exercise routine, but I am now back on track.

I know that right action combined with the right time will make your dreams reality.  Treat yourself as number one, the one that matters first in your busy days.  The one who deserves a dozen red roses.

Check out my new book to see for yourself.  Just ask Sam!

My cat will show you how easy it is to get your dreams.  Amazon.com

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A New World Order

We are on the verge of establishing a new way of doing everything on this planet.

And this will be done by women.

Any ideology, religion or whatever that subjugates women is doomed to become extinct.  These are the very platforms that have wreaked so much havoc in our world.  They need to be thrown out. Because everyone, everyone – man, woman, child, creature, planet – is bone weary of bloodshed, disrespect of body, person, creature and environment.  Fed up with constant destruction, denigration, poverty, pollution.

Women represent life, love, replenishment, rebuilding, rebirth, nurturing, justice.  Positive qualities that will ultimately save our sorry state.

Our space exploration program needs to find a habitable planet to send those who want to continually blow everything and everyone up to, so they can war until they are all spent. There is no place or time left for such bad behaviour here any more.

There is only one rule to live by.  The Golden Rule.  And women are golden.

Many have tried to corrupt us to become killers and destroyers, but they cannot ultimately succeed.  Our nature is not thus and the majority of us just aren’t buying it.  Women need to embrace the phenomenal inherent strength of their gender. Go forward and change this world into the paradise it was intended to be. Just look at what the Me Too movement has accomplished.  Empires destroyed.  Just from our collective voices.

The time for change is over due.  This is not to demoralize or emasculate men.  It is not to pit one religion against another, to wave banners, or select one political system over another.   This is to restore our world, which benefits all everywhere.  That is what needs to be done now.  A new world order.  Women are leading the way.  I suspect they always have.

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Life (and Death) is Messy

When my Mother died and I was a bit distressed about the details, my Brother gave me good advice “Death is messy.  Let it go.”

Well, so is life.

Low self esteem used to be a big issue, but a greater problem exists in our society – perfectionism.  The two may be related.

People want everything perfect, our standards impossibly high and for, what, exactly?

Does having the perfect anything bring happiness?  Joy?  Egads – satisfaction?!

Satisfaction comes from accepting what is, the flaws, those minor annoyances that make us human and our lives unique.  Perfection, if it can be attained, cannot be sustained.  Satisfaction comes from making do.

I know people who are miserable over millimeters.  They measure everything, demand symmetry that only micrometers could detect.  They live in fear and torment because life will not give them perfection.  But I ask, what does having everything perfect give you?  And do you think that anyone even remotely cares or notices?  Seriously now.  Life is very, very messy.

Flawless.  What do you have that is flawless, except in your own eyes?  It is by your own standards.  To you your car is a piece of junk, to another it is like gold.  Your spouse is a chump, to another, Adonis or Aphrodite.

There are flaws and sometimes blatant mistakes in all I create.  Errors in perspective, colours, proportions in my art.  Spelling, grammar, punctuation in my writing.  I do the best I can, I am not deliberately sloppy, but I am human.  Many creatives are using computers to make flawless drawings, mesmerizing photo’s and films, and it is all good, but a tad sterile.  Don’t we all love the bloopers?  The vapour trails in a sky in a film about cavemen?  3D printers are awesome, but I’d rather have something made by hand.  The flawed item has a bit of its’ creator in it.

Which, by the way, we are.