Tag: joy

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Fall Memories

I am blessed to live in a city that if you have feet, car, bicycle, or any other mobile device, you can be in some natural wilderness area in a short space of time.

At this time of year I look out from my balcony and see a patchwork quilt of oranges, reds and yellows with a touch of green rolling across the hills of popular large park, as trees change their colours and prepare for winter.  Aside from the occasional walk in the park next door, I never went to the big park in autumn, mostly because of traffic.

Instead, every year my Mom and I would rent a car on Thanksgiving weekend and go to the Highlands to photograph the fall spectacular.  The Highlands are a lot farther from home but are free of the tourists and crowds our nearby parks endure.

Everyone raves about the park I see from my balcony, only about a 20 minute drive, so one year I did do the prerequisite thing and visit a place near home.  The man I was dating at the time offered to drive me there and check it out.

At least a mile to the park entrance, we encountered a traffic jam.   An hour later we crawled through the park in a long stream of glittering metal.  It was not very enjoyable, so my friend decided to exit this.  He attempted to turn the car around, hit the curb and boom, a flat tire.  It was a memorable fall day.

I miss the days with Mom, now a long time in the past.  We always took a little lunch to eat, usually consumed quickly while shivering at a picnic table, or uncomfortably balancing cups and plates on the dash of the parked car while keeping the heater on.  When the weather cooperated I got some great photo’s of leaves, wildlife and scenery and I felt totally replenished by the time I trudged back to work at the end of three days holiday.

I have great memories of childhood autumns as we never raked up leaves and threw them away (my Dad was an environmentalist long before the green revolution). Our yard was carpeted in beautiful colours and every summer we had the greenest grass and the most flowers in the neighbourhood.

There were interesting creatures under that carpet of leaves and we were very respectful of  them.  Dad said they were doing their job and it was our job to leave them alone!  But we could look at them if we wished.  Each leaf put back exactly where we picked it up.

I guess that is why I now look at the way nature places things and see a work of art.

From my book Joy available from Amazon.com
From my book Joy available from Amazon.com
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Right At My Feet

When I first got inklings to write about joy I had no idea God would put me so thoroughly to the test.

However, the stiffer He has made my legs, the more joy I have found.  My sense of humour has returned.  I make jokes about myself because I am quite comical to watch.  And when you move at less than one mile per hour, you notice a lot of things.

There right at my feet, as I got off the bus, a shiny silver quarter (it took some doing to pick that up since I don’t bend!  Ah, the right motivation can accomplish great things.)  And next to it, struggling in a soil barren crack, a tiny plant tries to get a foothold. I spot a large purple daisy with a busy nectar finding bee.  A shadow of an overhead butterfly zig zags across the sidewalk,  challenging me to spot it.  I look up, and a rooftop seagull looks down at me.

I am amused by the smallest of things; a sparkly elevator floor, a workman’s footprints on our carpet, a fallen flower from my orchid.

Everything has become a photographic opportunity.

My existence like that episode of Star Trek (Wink of an Eye) where there are two versions of time. One is accelerated and buzzing around me like bees.  Fellow pedestrians zoom past me like mean flies, angry scowls on their faces.  I smile up at the sky.  I have become a simpleton.  I can no longer strive to do anything.  I no longer hurry to get anywhere.  No longer care about things of no interest to me.  Out of the rat race.

For a while I took a short hike into the badlands, got lost in myself and my problems, but today am returning to joy.

Life is a journey of inwards and outwards, like breathing.  For a spell I am self absorbed and ruminating, the next out in the sun with a friend talking about Trump.

Good and bad are options constantly available.  So look for and see the good, even when you’re in the midst of some heavy duty bad.  Some joy might be right at your feet!

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Choose Life

She cornered me in the pharmacy and unleashed a long tale of woe.  She had legitimate problems, big problems, overwhelming problems!  When she finally came up for air, I posed the deadly question:

“So what solutions have you tried?”

She blinked twice, mouth agape.

“Pardon?”

Women don’t share to solve problems, we do it to bond.  We use negativity as an emotional bond.  We feel each others pain and commiserate.  This is an ugly side to negativity.  It disguises itself as friendship.

I had two friends that I met for coffee once a week.  Both of them had intense suffering in their lives, past and present.  Whenever I would try to steer the topic to even how beautiful the day is, I could not deflect the conversation for long.  I had to terminate those two friendships because I was gasping for air.

Some people label themselves with a negative.  They are their illness, past, addiction, habit, toxin.  They dismiss the good in themselves and their lives because a negative story is much more intense and interesting.  But after awhile, no one wants to hear it any more.

Negative can look positive.  You get a warm and fuzzy with your buddies after sharing your difficulties.  However, this escalates and becomes the focus of your friendships and will soon wear you out.  The more times you share a problem, the more negativity you will experience.

Negativity has to be fed, and boy, does it grow!

Toxic environments abound in offices, homes, relationships, businesses because negativity comes in so many disguises.  It looks legitimate.  It evokes a strong emotional reaction.  When emotions are high, people band together and feed the monster.  A strong emotion makes you think it is a correct way to feel and you are justified to act on it.

Or not.

The other sneaky thing about negativity, it goes hand in hand with procrastination.  It evokes anger and fear, which either causes you to take action (YAY!) or more often, despair.  In the face of overwhelming problems it can cause hopelessness and helplessness.  Not only does this feel legitimate, because, after all, how can one person solve all this, you are stopped dead.

I think Albert Einstein said a negative person finds a problem for every solution. Killer of hopes, dreams and aspirations it paralyzes you from taking any kind of step forward, because, hey, what’s the use?

Negativity also disguises itself as power. A person spewing toxins can have a false sense of being in control and powerful.  A negative person is a fearful person hiding it. They conceal the fact they do nothing.  Perhaps they either are unwilling or unable to, but being very knowledgeable and talking about problems makes them look good, like they are doing something.  A constant diet of books, documentaries and conversations about bad stuff weakens you, and everyone will suffer. Dwelling constantly on bad things demoralizes and poisons everyone you meet.  You may be an authority on your problem or the worlds problems, but you take no action other than to deflate everyone else.

Negative is not any more real than positive.  Pessimism is not more realistic than optimism.  Our lives and world consist of both tears and joy.  You get to choose which to focus on. 

Joy however, is strength.  It has many faces; beauty, creativity, inspiration, miracles, kindness, gratitude, and any other good thing you can think of.  It is found in nature.  It is found in the wondrous things man has created. When you focus on joy, you will be strong.  In the face of a crisis you will look for the good, the flower in the prison yard.  More good will come to you, because you are open to it.  You will take action.  You will have courage.  You will do.

So next time you are tempted down the path of negativity, stop and look at the beauty of the world.  The good in the world, in your own life.

God said “. . . I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both thou and thy seed may live . . .”  Deuteronomy 30:19

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Joy Unexpected

I had a text to send before catching the bus, so I sat down in the shelter and sent it.  As I put my phone away, there at my feet was a large cicada.  I don’t know how I missed stepping on him!  I scooped him up on my bus pass and carried him to the safety of some bushes, pausing long enough to admire his gossamer wings and green and black mottled body.  Of course I told him how beautiful he is and to thank him.  Thank him for a moment of joy.

Nature has a way of giving me joy when I least expect it.  A chickadee alights next to me while eating lunch.  A dragonfly flits by.  A brightly coloured leaf floats down at my feet.  I come across an old apple tree heavy with fruit.  I glance out the window and see a red sun sink into the horizon.  All these momentary things add up to daily joy.

It saddened my heart to hear someone say nature is icky.  Yes, it can be.  But don’t let that rule your heart.  It is also unspeakably beautiful, extraordinary, amazing.  You choose how you see life, negative or positive.  Guess which one brings joy?  The more you appreciate beauty, the more you will notice and experience.

It is okay to be a Pollyana.  Don’t let naysayers tell you that being negative is being realistic.  The two points of view are realism.  Negativity just seems more real because it evokes a strong emotional reaction, a survival response.  Joy will bring you peace, and the more you focus on finding joy, the more peace you will have, and then you will have peace when you are in a crisis.  Joy makes you strong.

Choose joy.  Be grateful.  Keep those things in your heart.

Next week I am going to write about some more truths about negativity.  Negativity is ugly.

Some photographs to bring you joy at Amazon.com

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Joy Expected

My cat Sam can play the same game for hours and repeat this every day and find the same joy each time.   Sure, he is excited for the odd treat or a new toy, but everlasting happiness comes from what he likes best and does the most.

The continual happy feeling I have during the day is a result of morning routines I perform.  These give me a joy that lasts all day.  These routines are things I love to do, that contribute to my well being. They are not the things I must do, or things I deplore.  I make sure I do what I love first.  I treat myself very well before I go to work.

Something unexpected can bring a surge of joy most of us crave, but it is fleeting.  Everlasting joy comes from a daily structure that ensures you put yourself first before you must sacrifice yourself for others.

That is why getting up very early is so beneficial.  It gives you a block of time to do your joy and does not take away anything from others.  While everyone else is asleep you are doing something special, just for you.  What a big difference this will make to your entire life.

It affords you to get your dreams.  A half hour every morning will finish your novel, complete that university degree, get you back in shape.  All before all your have too’s for the rest of the day.  All before anyone else is awake!

There are three rules to this.  This half hour must be your hearts desire, something you truly want.  It must not disturb anyone else – like playing the tuba at 4 a.m. – um, that doesn’t work (but you can practice the finger keys or learn how to read music).  And, it can’t be negative.  If what you desire is to destroy or to hurt anyone or anything then forget it.  Stay in bed.

What we forget in our busy working lives is to take care of ourselves.  If we are constantly looking after others and other things, eventually we have nothing left to give.

Give yourself to something that is just for you, at least one half hour, first thing in the morning and watch the transformation that happens to the rest of your day.

And buy yourself some roses.

Book available from Amazon.com

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Why “NO”

I made this comment on LinkedIn about the legalization of marijuana use in Canada:

“I am so against the legalization of any recreational drug.  It gives the message that being impaired is okay.  We still have problems with alcohol.”

I received some backlash on this, so I wish to elaborate on where I am coming from and why I say NO.

First of all, this is not my cause.  If it were I would have made an effort to halt this happening instead of making a comment after the fact.  It is just my opinion.  Opinion based on faulty logic, as it is with everyone.  Logic comes from our life experiences and how many years we’ve been at it.  I grew up in the 60’s and 70’s so I know something about the matter, though my experiences may be quite different than others of the same generation.

This legislation was passed on a vote of 52-29.  That’s 81 people.  Hardly representative of an entire nation.  It is also a government decision, and they look at money first.  If you are naive enough to think all that revenue will go to build roads, schools, hospitals and the like, I suggest you ask where all the money from alcohol, cigarettes and gambling is now going.

Where we had one law, we will now have to spend lots of money to implement many more laws to regulate the use of this substance.  When it was illegal, there was one law and one exception – medicinal use.

I am not against the use and legalization of drugs for pain and disease.  I am against legalizing it for pleasure.

Mary Jane is a drug and it is addictive.  Anything that gives you pleasure you can become addicted to, require more of and eventually be unable to be happy without.  This applies for everything from sugar to sex to alcohol and cigarettes and anything else you can think of.  We are a species prone to addiction to pleasure.

It impairs your ability to think clearly and function.  It makes some think they are brilliant, funny and leaders.  Have you ever worked with a stoned person?  Driven with them?  Would you want to?  How about repair your house, operate heavy equipment, doctor you, fix your teeth…?

How is being impaired with marijuana better than alcohol if you kill someone while driving?  How is being impaired while driving better than not?

I know some people my age who have always been pot heads.  Their lives are a mess, but they are not so aware of it.  They make ridiculous (and sometimes costly) decisions and some cannot have sex with their partner without it.  One smoked pot all his life to prevent glaucoma.  Guess what.

Like attracts like.  Do you want to hang around with fellow alcoholics, smokers, tokers?  Or do you want to hang with people doing something constructive with their lives?  Going places?

I am not against recreational use of anything, except I know where it can lead.  We as humans are not terribly good at moderation.  What starts as fun can soon become a necessity.

Making something illegal does not solve problems, but neither does making it legal, because legislation is the wrong approach to begin with.  It does not decrease crime, it merely ‘relocates’ it to something else.

What we need is education – how to have a life, make good choices, help the world, have relationships, handle money, be happy.  We fail our young by not teaching them life skills.

My cause is not making substances illegal.  My concern is with people wasting their lives and everyone elses.

There are better ways to enjoy your life, to relax and to have fun.  Alcohol, cigarettes, marijuana and the like are substitutes for genuine joy.

It is not okay.

Make the effort to find real joy in your life.

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Life (and Death) is Messy

When my Mother died and I was a bit distressed about the details, my Brother gave me good advice “Death is messy.  Let it go.”

Well, so is life.

Low self esteem used to be a big issue, but a greater problem exists in our society – perfectionism.  The two may be related.

People want everything perfect, our standards impossibly high and for, what, exactly?

Does having the perfect anything bring happiness?  Joy?  Egads – satisfaction?!

Satisfaction comes from accepting what is, the flaws, those minor annoyances that make us human and our lives unique.  Perfection, if it can be attained, cannot be sustained.  Satisfaction comes from making do.

I know people who are miserable over millimeters.  They measure everything, demand symmetry that only micrometers could detect.  They live in fear and torment because life will not give them perfection.  But I ask, what does having everything perfect give you?  And do you think that anyone even remotely cares or notices?  Seriously now.  Life is very, very messy.

Flawless.  What do you have that is flawless, except in your own eyes?  It is by your own standards.  To you your car is a piece of junk, to another it is like gold.  Your spouse is a chump, to another, Adonis or Aphrodite.

There are flaws and sometimes blatant mistakes in all I create.  Errors in perspective, colours, proportions in my art.  Spelling, grammar, punctuation in my writing.  I do the best I can, I am not deliberately sloppy, but I am human.  Many creatives are using computers to make flawless drawings, mesmerizing photo’s and films, and it is all good, but a tad sterile.  Don’t we all love the bloopers?  The vapour trails in a sky in a film about cavemen?  3D printers are awesome, but I’d rather have something made by hand.  The flawed item has a bit of its’ creator in it.

Which, by the way, we are.

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Joy List

What do you do when a project you enjoyed is done?  When the book is published, the house built, the vacation over, you got your degree?

Well, you start another!

Better yet, have several fun things waiting for your attention.

I don’t have much celebration time upon completing a fun project.  I have several more waiting in line for me, some have been languishing for years!  So I have a cup of tea and start the next thing.

Don’t presume I am a type A person, or I am super busy.  I have plenty of down time and I am rather phlegmatic.  But anything I enjoy I can spend long periods of time at (including doing nothing).  Yesterday I spent 8 hours preparing and publishing our latest book, with only a few pee breaks.  When you love what you do this is nothing.  8 hours is 5 minutes.  Joyless activities are 5 minutes equals 8 hours.

Joy is my reason for living.  I don’t have any purpose or meaning beyond that.

Laugh, sing, make some noise – enjoy your life!

I wish I had that philosophy 40 years ago, but I do now and am striving to make Joy a full time habit and get back those lost years.  There are a lot of meaningless, tedious things I still need to get rid of.  So I encourage you to make joy your priority and don’t waste another minute.  Even if joy is a cat on your lap purring your time away.  Don’t you believe for a second that your life needs to be full of things you have to do that you loathe.  It does not!  I have lived this lie long enough!  Have to, should do, must do . . . ugh!

Have a joy list, those are the only projects worth pursuing.  When you finish one, there’s more joy waiting for you.  Isn’t that a great way to live?

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The Gift

I dusted off the case and opened it; the 3 sections of silver flute glistened from the backdrop of black velvet.  Ah.  At last.  I assemble the instrument and anticipate the moment beautiful sounds fill my ears.

For 8 long weeks I could not play the flute.  To do so resulted in coughing up my lungs for an hour.  I suffered a bad virus which incapacitated me in many ways beyond flute playing.  But it was the flute playing I missed the most.

Playing an instrument is therapeutic.  Even to play it badly, which is frequently my norm, is still relaxing.  I relied on it to dissipate frustrating days and to mellow my working mind to an evening of peaceful reflection.

The gift this Christmas was opening that box.  My neighbours probably were not so pleased.  I found it difficult to play at first and I’d forgotten some notes and fingerings. Slowly it all started to come back and by today I am at least where I was 8 weeks ago.  It is hard to advance much with just 25 minutes practice a day – but I am respectful of fellow tenants and limit my joy.  Otherwise, I’d probably be hours at it.

During the hiatus I satisfied myself watching You Tube flute instructional videos.  There are hundreds but I have my favorite and I was delighted to watch a lot of those.  I also watched videos comparing all manner of flutes from student to 3 times my annual salary and had my ears heightened to the differences in tone quality (and hence my budget considerations for a flute purchase just increased).

I look at my student rental and determine to make it sound like it is 20K.  Admittedly, I have difficultly making it sound as it should.  No matter, in my mind I hear hypnotic melodies, sometimes even symphonies.

I am enamored with music in much the same way as I once was with mathematics.  They are elegant languages, representations of things we cannot adequately put into words.  The symbols allow us to replicate complicated ideas, to interpret them in our own style, embellish them, expand on them.  I delight in the design and patterns formed by symbols and digits across a page.  There are ground rules, but from there you can soar.  From there is birthed art!

I sometimes regret not having studied music in my youth, but perhaps it would have gone the same route as mathematics.  Two things conspired to make me abandon that subject; women didn’t do math in the 1960’s and they made math so boring.   Thus I was highly discouraged to continue but this was not such a hardship, as the way they taught math made it exceedingly mind deadening.  I was curious and creative and that does not fit rote and memorization.  I found this to be a bit true when I took music lessons, and I got a little discouraged by that.  I am not well suited to sit and shut up and just memorize.  I want to make it mine!  I want to take it places!

I put my flute away and face another week of work, very grateful that I have had these few days to rest and do the things I love.  My cat takes one last swat at the metronome and all is quiet.