Tag: God

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Another Work in Progress

Today, after another painful physio session, I wax philosophical once again at the bus stop.

As a fatalist, who believes in a predetermined destiny of most things, I am coming to realize that I am not being prepared for any future thing.  There is no purpose to my life in that I am going anywhere.  Instead, I am constantly being changed right on the spot, day by day.  God is a creator.  He is always creating something new.   I am always on the potters wheel, constantly being molded by Gods’ loving hands.  Never to be a finished project, but a work in progress, constantly recreated.  There is no end goal.  If I look at the world around me, all things are constantly being renewed, every single second.

I used to think events had something to teach me, and yes, this is still sometimes true.  Until I experienced constant pain.  Pain can work on you only so far, and then you burn out.  The universe is not a school.  The universe is creativity, bringing things into being.  I can move forward by learning things from my experiences, but the goal is not to build character.  There is no goal.  It is just constant change.

I have learned that you must fight to win, and persevere, but there are times to step back and let it go where it will.  This episode is teaching me to turn inside out, to see the world with gratitude and love, despite the screaming banshee in my legs always calling me back to myself.  I am part of a much larger thing.

It is a time for me to let God finally have rule over my life.  To let Him flow through me, making every moment a God moment.  A love moment, seeing with gratitude and wonder, awe and reverence for all that is evolving.

I am part of a story.  The story of the universe.  A story of creativity.

On the way home I rescued a large fluffy yellow caterpillar from undulating out into traffic and placed him back into a grassy field.  I wonder what kind of butterfly he will become?  Another work in progress.

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Love

Behind the bus stop near my physiotherapist (yes, I am back at it again – but that is another story),  a huge excavation is taking place.  A deep rectangular hole has been sliced out of the ground, a towering lattice work crane sits at its center.  Silent today as it is Saturday, all that weekday busyness is enclosed securely behind a chain linked fence, that bulges right up to where I am standing.

At the foot of the pole that marks this as a bus stop, there stands a very old tree.  Much mangled from the construction ensuing around it, and probably neglected for countless years before, it manages to survive.  Some bark has been stripped off, there are dead branches, and the leaves are dusty.  Yet it presses against all the stuff around it, new growth pushing up and beyond the overhead telephone wires to the sky and sun.  At its base a mess of weeds and wildflowers all tangled up in bits of metal and broken concrete, but growing so lush and blooming as to almost conceal the debris.

On this hot summer day, I appreciate the beauty of the flowers and the shade of the tree.  It reminded me to be grateful.  I also appreciated the fact that no matter how we try to demolish it all, a tiny shoot will soon push up through the cracks and greenery reappears.

But it occurred to me that it is not enough to feel gratitude only as the moment presents itself to me.

We have lots of time to think at our bus stops, and get a good tan while at it.

I realized I need to put God into every moment, so He flows through my entire life, not just parts of it.

I believe that the entire universe operates on the principle of love.  Not the mushy kind of love.  Love as the creative life generating force.  The tree of life. Love as abundance, creation, imagination, life, goodness, joy. The love that endures and perseveres. I call this love God.  Not the omnipotent, controlling, Kingdom type God, of punishment and whatever else is so off putting about peoples ideas of God.  But a God of love.

This love needs to fill my being so I am always in it, and not just reminded of it on rare occasions.

It is a good thing our buses take so long to arrive.

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Your Calling

I was asked recently “How do you receive your calling?”, to which I glibly replied that God no longer calls, He texts.

It has some truth to it.

I think it is very rare that a person has an a-ha moment.  I always wanted one.  The fire of God just hits me and POW I know who I want to be and what I should be doing.  The truth however is a lot less dramatic.  I walked around with my mouth half open, looking pretty stupid and not having much direction at all.  I did a lot of hoping, wishing and praying.  Only to find that the a-ha has been right in my face all along.  I should have seen it too – I am very nearsighted!

Since most of us have no clue what a true version of ourselves is, we need to let God work that out.  And when it is you are likely to remark “I knew that!”, and maybe feel a little stupid afterwards.  Sometimes your calling doesn’t exist yet in the world, and you have to wait for it to appear.  Maybe you are already living it and don’t realize it.  You are tired of it and want something new.  Or maybe you simply can’t believe it, or think it should be something else, something better.  Perhaps others tell you what it should be.  Many times, a calling is not a grand affair, but it has a great impact on the world, perhaps many years later in the future.  A calling is not what you think it is.  But it all works for God.

My life story is not an arrow, it is a convoluted, messed up, child’s crayon squiggles across a ripped up, yellowing piece of construction paper.  That is my journey.  Step forward.  Steps backward.  Lessons learned and most forgot.  There is no point A and point B.  I’ve been all over the map.

For me, my whole miserable adult life was a journey back to childhood.  I knew who I was then.  I just forgot and had to make a 40+ year trip to get back there.  Sound familiar?

But this trip is not about years or age.  It is about mind.  The constant renewing of my mind.  There is no “Hello, this is God, do this”.  I have had an ongoing dialogue of which God knows the direction of, the things to be addressed and how long it will take, taking into account how stubborn I am.  No doubt I delayed the process by being a mule at times.  Shutting myself off to new ideas and experiences, just plain getting tired of it, clinging to the past, living for the future, and having my own ideas (UGH!).

Life is an ever present unfolding, an evolution, a constant movement of things in and out.  All these things offer delights; a lesson, a message, an emotion, an experience.  They are all gifts to be embraced and enjoyed.  Some will teach, some will reach, and others are just for fun.  God uses all of it to bring you to your highest self, and that just might be full circle back to where you started.

It is my wish this Christmas that you embrace your life and live it fully.  Allow God to guide you in your journey to your highest self.  Guidance and messages can appear anywhere.  Keep your eyes and ears and heart open.  Your calling is coming by text.  It says “Let joy be your reason”.  Follow joy in all your decisions and you’ll start to get on track.