One Cat Apartment ©

One fine morning I fetched the toothbrush and paste. My mind was a thousand million miles from this mundane action, thinking about who knows what. I didn’t notice anything unusual.

I spread the toothpaste over the brush, ruminating about something or another. Then I paused.

Something didn’t look quite right with the paste.

Why does it have a blue fleck of something in it?

The brush is a bit weird too.

Hmm.

Oh shit!

It’s the cat’s toothpaste and brush!

I think I should go back to having caffeine in the mornings.

As I age, I have acquired more braces. One for my neck, several for my knees, a couple for my wrists, another for my elbows and ankles, one for my back.

The body just starts to fall apart, in direct proportion to how much I abused it while I was able to.

I think after a certain age, we should have a body brace. A suit like iron man has. Just step into it in the morning and you’re good to go for the whole day.

On a usual trip to Walmart, I was surprised at the self checkout by a store clerk. She saddled up beside me and started talking to me in whispers. I wondered what the heck she was going on about, until I heard the word Mastercard. Then I understood.

She really tried hard to get me to sign up for a credit card. She was quite befuddled why I wouldn’t, because I could instantly save $25 on my purchase. When I protested, she said, “But you don’t have to use the card ever again. Just this once.”

Oh boy. Famous last words.

She was young, so she doesn’t have a firm grasp of the credit card rabbit hole you can quickly and innocently go down, and down and down…

Here’s what having a credit card is like, especially if you are poor. It is like having candy in your cupboard when you are trying to lose weight.

There is no way you ain’t gonna touch it.

I recently voted for our next mayor, and others. I am reminded this time what public office really means and how to vote properly.

One of our candidates for mayor made a personal attack on a fellow candidate, spread a lie about her and attempted a smear campaign.

Why would I vote for someone who does that?

I won’t.

I will vote for someone who addresses the issues that matter to me.

I am trying to lose that extra food stuff that has accumulated around my torso, and like many other attempts, I am stunned by how little you need to eat to have a sensible weight.

I feels like all I need to sustain myself is a lettuce leaf once a day, because anything more than that, I put on the pounds!

I swear, I could get fat eating snowflakes.

My neighbours share my bedroom wall, and being much younger than I, enjoy the pleasures of being a human, late at night. Their bed grinds on my wall in the usual rhythms associated with such activity. It is usually over by midnight and it is maybe, once a week.

Fine.

They also have a piano right against the wall. A piano in their bedroom.

And what do they do every time when they have finished their love making?

They play the damn piano!

When I was growing up, the city I live in was growing ‘out’, not just in suburbs, but strip malls and bloated shopping malls. Ugly creeping sprawl.

Today, the city is growing ‘up’, in buildings way more ugly than strip malls and shopping malls.

Behold: The Sky

The most ugliest and tallest building in our modest city. It is hideous. It was built on a postage stamp sized lot at a busy intersection. The traffic in that area is gridlocked most of the time. It is disgusting. It sits on the edge on what used to be a pleasant little Italian Village, with popular cozy restaurants and stores, and nice old houses and trees. It fronts a lake and our canal. and our beautiful parks. I admit it is a prime location, but it destroys all that completely.

If developers had their way, our world would be solid concrete without a patch of green and would block out most of the sky too.

Ditto for our so called city planners, who are just greedy enablers. Their job is to change zoning laws in exchange for the right amount of money. Green bills in their palms is the only green thing they know and the only thing they plan for.

Back in the days when I got my first hybrid bicycle, a bike for city and country cycling, I had to learn the ins and outs of handling a mountain bike. My boyfriend and I planned on taking some very long cycling trips over some rugged terrain and I needed to be prepared for anything.

And so, my very patient boyfriend, on our first trip, attempted to show me how to ‘hop a curb.’

This means, just before you encounter the curb you use your body and the bikes front shock absorbers to lift the front tire up and the rest of the bike follows in a hop. The point is, if you are full speed ahead and encounter an unforgiving obstacle, like a rock, you can leap over it.

In theory.

So actually, the first few tries went well.

We packed our stuff and were on our way.

We stopped to get some groceries and I decided to practice the hop.

In my enthusiasm I forgot that we were on a trip, and the back of the bicycle was considerably heavier. There were two full panniers and camping gear piled on the back rack. So the bike failed to lift and the front tire slammed the cement and I was airborne. Ass over head over handlebars. I clung to the handlebars and did a perfect handstand swing, like on the parallel bars, only backwards, before I let go. I fell in slow motion onto a grassy embankment. Sprawled on my back I opened my eyes to several strangers who had witnessed my acrobatics and were sure I was dead.

My boyfriend didn’t teach me any more tricks.