Author: samandoat

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Water Therapy

Everything is right with the universe once more.

Nothing cures my work day week blues and blahs like being out on the water for an hour.  $15 buys a lot of sanity.

I always was a water baby.  From my first time as a toddler in a wading pool in our back yard (I remember it seemed enormous!) fully immersed up to my knees, to summers slumming in pools, rivers and on beaches, to vacations where every motel had to have a pool (or I just was not staying!) and on to camping, motorboats, canoes, kayaks, sailboats and now paddleboards,  I just had to be near water.  Even if that meant sitting on a rock, feet dangling in the water, minnows nibbling my toes.  I spent one glorious summer doing just that, sitting next to the river on the rocks watching the water go slowly past me.  Oh to do that again!

I’ve held a fascination for water as long as I can remember, the smallest trickle of water will get my attention;  rain, melting snow, water in a ditch, spring runoff over rocks, a puddle on the street, lawn sprinklers (oh the rainbows!).  I waited hours to watch a geyser finally erupt, and can be mesmerized by waterfalls.

I love boats (the quiet type!), where I glide over an underwater world unfolding beneath me; undulating weeds, smooth multicoloured rocks, soft glittering sand, silver flashes of minnow schools and the occasional crayfish.  On the surface there is a dance of water striders and whirligigs.  When I discover a stranded non-water bug, I am happy to scoop him up, let him dry on the end of my paddleboard and return him to land.

Today as I sat on the paddleboard I was greeted by a curious snapping turtle and an elegant black swan.  They checked me out, I said hello and continued on.  A busy muskrat let me know not to come to close to her nest as she swam by, slapping her tail at me as she dove.

I was investigated by dragonflies, mayflies and deer flies.  Swooped over by barn swallows,  Honked at by geese and ignored by ducks.

Trees swept over my head along the shoreline.  I caught glimpses of bright yellow finches in the foliage and drifted uneasily under a dead tree heavy with black cormorants.  A hummingbird made a brief appearance and disappeared into the daisies.

Isn’t this a beautiful place?

I am so lucky.  I am so blessed.

Today did me a lot of good.

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Do Your Best Work

I once knew a lady artist who often did cards and the like for fellow employees in our office.  Her work was pretty, but not outstanding, and she used cheap cardboard.  Still, we enjoyed any gift of art we received from her, for any occasion, birthdays, anniversaries, retirement.

One day I went to her home to help her with a computer issue I was familiar with.  She lived in a large condominium that was jammed packed with her art materials.  The dining room table was overflowing with completed art work, mostly cards, in her traditional style, except for one glaring difference.

These cards were beautiful!  They were professionally done, on high quality paper with expensive materials.  They were really good.  They were awesome!

My head could not get around the discrepancy between what I saw at work and what I witnessed here.  In answer to my unspoken bewilderment she said “These are for my paying customers”.

My young naive self was shocked.  As an artist it never occurred to me to do less than my best for any reason.

Does it make sense on any level to do substandard work when it is for free?  I felt kind of insulted that the cards I got were crap.  They didn’t seem so special any more.

It is a lesson that has stuck with me many years.  I am not going to give out crap because it is free.  I am not saving my best for only those who will pay for it.  I create for JOY.  And if someone else gets joy from it, glory!  Yes, I do sell my work, it costs money to create my books, photography and art.  But freebies to my friends and family are of the same quality and effort.

I feel the same way about work.  Whether you volunteer or are paid, give your best effort (although it is sometimes true that volunteers give more than paid workers).

I guess I am just naive.

Do your best work at all times.  Not just for money.

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Peppermint Poison

I ran out of my regular green tea, and had an unopened box of peppermint tea, so I decided to give it a try.

Being a tea-aholic, I consumed this new and delicious tea at a rate of 2 to 4 cups (or more!) every single evening for 2 solid weeks.

Fortunately, I was tired of it.

Unfortunately, too late.

Several days after I stopped consuming peppermint tea I began to feel unwell.  Nothing specific, just nausea.

Then I got a terrible yeast infection, and that same evening, FIRE!

My feet burned like hot coals were inside my cells.  Then my hands.   Shooting flames up and down my arms and the inside of my legs!

It spread to my face and my ears.  I was a red hot chili pepper!  I looked like a flaming tomato!

I had all kinds of blood work done, my body was in distress, blood pressure skyrocketed.  It seemed as if I had consumed something toxic.  But what?

I wracked my brains until I remembered the peppermint tea.  Tea??

Sure enough, when I consulted Doctor Google, there it was, peppermint is bad stuff in high doses.  It’s the menthol in it.  Mint is cool.  Pepper, damn hot!

It has now garnered me the nickname of Peppermint Patty.

Could be a lot worse.

I’ll recover.

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Just Sit

I usually get up at 4 a.m. so I can do my creative projects and some physical exercise before going to work.  But every once in a while, I just sit.

That’s right.  Just sit.

Hands wrapped around a big mug of tea, the cat in my lap, I will stay put until it is time to get ready for work.  That is 3 hours of sit.  I am amazed at how fast that goes by!

And how necessary it is.

How wonderful to disengage.  Sometimes it is inspiring.  Sometimes I get new ideas.  Most of the time I just rest.  Three hours of not expecting anything, planning anything, trying to figure stuff out, worrying, ruminating, processing information.  Rushing.

Nice also to have 3 hours where I am silent.  Seldom do I speak a word, not even to cat.  Likewise, it is good not to listen either.  The next 8 to 10 hours at work are filled with non-stop chatter, where I must communicate clearly and listen intently.

In the early morning hours, not much activity in the world outside my doors.  Birds may be singing to the sunrise, or rain pattering on my window.  Sometimes the howl of wind.  No cars, voices, vehicles, sirens, telephones, people and the like – yet.

Most weekends and holidays in summer I spend hours of sit outside.  Next door is a splendid park, complete with thundering waterfall.  In these surroundings if I sit still long enough, nature gets curious about or bored with me and reveals herself.  Creatures appear and check me out or resume their daily business.  Nature is calm and soothing yet brimming with life and activity.  A still-busyness. Work is noisy, demanding and always, always busy.  No still there.

So now as I just sit and let the world carry on without me, my cat stretches full length down to my ankles and yawns.  The clock is telling me the hour has come.  Already ten minutes past the hour.  Think I’ll just sit a bit more . . .

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There Is Still Hope

A beautiful antique Singer sewing machine came up for sale while I was scrolling mindlessly through items on my cell phone a few days ago.  It was exactly like the one my Mother used, and was in immaculate condition.  This set in motion a longing in me to have it, but at $450 and with too small of an apartment I could only gaze at the picture and sigh.

This gave me pause for thought.  As I get older I pine more for the past which causes quite a bit of frustration.  I see items all the time I had as a young girl and that time of my life was a whole lot better than my adulthood.

But I was thinking.  I am very very fortunate to have had all those lovely things at one time in my life.  Although I cannot have them now, I once did have them.  Also, all the things I wish I could do, I once did.  I long to re-experience them, but it is not that I never had them.  So I am very grateful.  I know what it is like to have, and now to want.  Others never have and only ever experience want.

I came from an upper middle class family that afforded us many nice things and experiences.  So for almost 20 years of my life I had those things.  My frustration lies in not being able to go back.  My childhood was a dream time, full of fantasy and creativity.  My adult life, for the most part, sucks shit, and seems to lack the same zeal, and certainly, the appeal.

However, seeing things from the perspective of gratitude for what once was, is helpful.  There is still time to grab hold of some of the past, should my fortunes change and money materialize.  The challenge is to create a better today, and a more hopeful future.  So while I am fortunate to have a generous past to look back at, I may have a more generous future waiting for me.  There is still hope.

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Some Mystery Left

Warm summer nights would find a younger version of myself out in the backyard, alone, gazing at the stars.  For hours in mosquito laden nights I would ponder the universe.  My parents, perhaps to satisfy my curiosity, but more likely to keep me close to home and a little less itchy, bought me a telescope, a long white metal tube on a tripod.  Now the night skies were accessible in the comfort of my mosquito free bedroom, and also afforded year round viewing.

When I first saw a magnified moon it frightened me.  Awesome!!  Such a beautiful landscape.  Pristine.

Mom brought me home from a camping trip to watch the lunar landing on TV.  I cried that night.  I was sad the moon bore the footprints of man and was no longer so mysterious.

The Science and Technology Museum offered an astronomy course when I was in my late teens, which I attended every night.  Sometimes there were 4 or 5 of us, but most of the time, it was just me.  We were entertained with documentaries on the universe, solar system and the like until the skies were dark enough for viewing.  Shivering equally from cold and awe, I saw Saturn for the first time through a 15 inch refracting telescope.

I briefly joined the local astronomy club, but they had a strict policy that you could not believe in God and be an astronomer at the same time.  Hmmm.

My engineer Dad harboured a secret desire to work for NASA and I happily accompanied him to Florida to tour the facilities.  It was an overwhelming experience.  Sadly my Dad never applied to work there.  Imagine what might have been.

Along came the series Cosmos and I devoured it all.  Carl Sagan’s unhurried personal tour of the universe and science gave me time to think about what he said.  When a record album of the music of Cosmos was offered by PBS television for a donation, I was glued to the phone.  So for $20, I got the record, and for a few minutes, to talk to the President of PBS.  I still have that record today.  I revisited Cosmos just last month and it has not lost its appeal for me.

Nowadays I am lucky to see one star besides the moon in our bright city skies, so my telescope is covered over and collecting dust.  But there is plenty of viewing on the internet.  The universe is largely untouched.  Some mystery is left.

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No Prizes for Mankind

No Nobel Prize for literature this year?  Well, doesn’t that speak volumes on how far our society has deteriorated.

Life, and all we know of  is like a graph of oscillating functions.  There are peaks and then . . . well, currently we are in the trough where all the pigs eat.

I am hopeful that such upheavals mean we are on the upswing.  Although the peaks are pretty bad also.

In humankind we are all too human.  We need more kind.

Money, power and sex have ruled our societies long enough.  It is time for new ways of being.  However, I am doubtful we can change.  There is a threshold we can so easily cross, which shrinks what little brain we actually use, giving us tunnel vision.  That tunnel vision is greed.

Our leaders are elected solely for their talent in acquiring money, irrespective of the methods.  Their only purpose for being in power is to get more money for themselves.  They are barely given a slap on the wrist for their gross mistreatment of virtually everyone.  Where would you and I be if we behaved so badly?

The uber rich receive awards for creating jobs (yet treat their employees as slaves).  The result is they have so much money they don’t know what to do with it (say what?!).  Some of these arrogant snobs could end world poverty, but launch rockets into space instead (the ultimate phallic symbol) claiming this will help and even save mankind.  Puhleese.

No prizes for mankind this year.

But guess what?  I want to be rich!  Because I want to retire and do the things I love all day.  I don’t want to launch rockets, or have slaves or run countries.  Money is freedom to me.  I want to live well, and live quietly.

Even with my loud voice!

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A Quiet Week at Last!

I was gifted with a loud voice.  We are talking sonic boom kind of vocals.  So I constantly wonder why I end up working in places that demand quiet.  It makes no sense to me.  Is it a cruel joke that I’m not quite getting?

I suppose it is because I am an introvert.  I like working in small establishments.  But I have been given a voice that demands a large audience.

I am not ashamed of my voice.  It is mine.  I cannot regulate it much.  When I try, I go so low no one can hear me.  My volume control dial has two settings, off and 2 notches from max.  Not a shrill voice, it is deep, but I can blast speakers and glass in equal measure when I get excited.  I am often teased I never have to use the phone to call someone.

The only defense I have is to not speak at all, which is effective, but not always a viable alternative.  There are times when I need to be heard, although some might argue that point.

There are celebrations when I get laryngitis.  My friend says “Ah, a quiet weekend at last!”

So, I write.  I draw.  I photograph.  All is quiet and good.

It is a good thing I like to be alone.  I actually hate noise and revere solitude and silence.  So it is very ironic to have these vocals.

There were times when my voice was appreciated.  In school I was encouraged, fortunately, to speak clearly, and eliminate the ‘ums’, ‘like’, ‘ya know what I mean’ and the infamous ‘eh’ from my vocabulary.  But it wasn’t too often I was willing to speak, I was very shy.  I can remember being physically ill having to do class presentations.  But get me on a subject I am passionate about!  Then I let loose!  Imagine – I volunteered to give a speech on a topic I was enthusiastic about, and I did!  Life is strange.

Perhaps my volume was never meant to be a curse but a gift to be used in a way I’ve never considered or overlooked.  I’d make a good PA system.  I’d never be lost for long, people could find me a hundred miles off.

Anyhow, I am stuck with it and my office suffers me and well –

When I retire no one will hear a sound.

A quiet week at last!

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Spring Cleaning

Last Monday an ice storm, today a summer like day.

How lovely to air out the apartment after such a long and brutal winter.  As I sweep away the remnants of winter, Sam, my white cat, assists by rolling next to my broom until we are both coloured grey.  It is all good.

As stale air is replaced by fresh air, I rearrange furniture, wash plants and ornaments and feel that heaviness lift.  Sam zooms around the rooms and helps to do the spring cleaning and rearranging in his own way.

My oxalis is up and straining for sun.  Three maples trees have survived the drab winter months.  All my indoor plants are perking up.  The violets are blooming.

I sit outside for awhile and watch the world around me renew itself.  A cardinal is singing his heart out, a bright orange red splash against a blue sky.  A woodpecker flits from tree to tree waking up the insects.  A seagull circles high above me, his white wings catching the sun.   A brown rabbit is checking out everyone’s flower beds for emerging shoots.  The trees are ready to burst into leaf.  It is a grand day on the edge of spring.  A good day to spring clean my mind!

Today, I refuse to look at the news.  I don’t care about idiot politics or gossip or any bad thing predicted or happening or otherwise.  I don’t care about work and all that drudgery, boredom, problems, or money, whatever.  Today is a day of celebration, of joy!

I’ll get back to finishing the spring cleaning eventually.  There is always tomorrow, or later, or never.

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The Next Big Thing

So, young Mark Zuckerberg looks like a robot.  Well, the man is probably scared shitless, don’t you think?  He is under intense scrutiny. Viewed by millions – possibly the entire world.  Exactly what kind of condition would you be in if this was happening to you?  Mr. Zuckerberg is on trial for the way he looks, sits, acts, speaks and drinks water.  And, oh yeah, for this bit about Facebook . . .

Not that I sympathize with him.  No, not at all.  I mean – isn’t it very fitting that he should be so exposed?

There is a lot of irony to this Facebook fiasco.  We embrace social media, expose ourselves globally, sometimes embarrassingly, then condemn it when it bites us.  Even the founder himself feels the same way!

It is just we are focusing on the wrong things here.

There is also a lot of talk about how this is an issue of technology out of control, we’re losing autonomy, and much more – yes, this is all true.  These are all things we need to address.

But this is not the core issue.

The real crux are problems we’ve had since we invented corporations.

Corruption.  Greed.  Power.

Corporate greed.  Corporate corruption.  Corporate power.

I know, the same old ho-hum stuff.

But Oh! How we love Hollywood!  Celebrity.  Drama.  Political intrigue.  The cover ups, the lies, back tracking and stabbing, fudging, until the whole thing becomes so muddled we don’t know what the truth is. Talk, shock and analyzing. Grab a beer, a bowl of popcorn and sit in front of the telly and catch the latest news.  Overdose on the web, newspapers, magazines, talk shows, documentaries, and commentaries.  Yammer away with friends and family.  Soap operas are the zest and lust of human life.

And what comes from all this?

Not much.

As it fades, we wait for the next big thing.

We don’t want to solve these problems.  We enjoy the theatrics too much!

Next!