Author: samandoat

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Right At My Feet

When I first got inklings to write about joy I had no idea God would put me so thoroughly to the test.

However, the stiffer He has made my legs, the more joy I have found.  My sense of humour has returned.  I make jokes about myself because I am quite comical to watch.  And when you move at less than one mile per hour, you notice a lot of things.

There right at my feet, as I got off the bus, a shiny silver quarter (it took some doing to pick that up since I don’t bend!  Ah, the right motivation can accomplish great things.)  And next to it, struggling in a soil barren crack, a tiny plant tries to get a foothold. I spot a large purple daisy with a busy nectar finding bee.  A shadow of an overhead butterfly zig zags across the sidewalk,  challenging me to spot it.  I look up, and a rooftop seagull looks down at me.

I am amused by the smallest of things; a sparkly elevator floor, a workman’s footprints on our carpet, a fallen flower from my orchid.

Everything has become a photographic opportunity.

My existence like that episode of Star Trek (Wink of an Eye) where there are two versions of time. One is accelerated and buzzing around me like bees.  Fellow pedestrians zoom past me like mean flies, angry scowls on their faces.  I smile up at the sky.  I have become a simpleton.  I can no longer strive to do anything.  I no longer hurry to get anywhere.  No longer care about things of no interest to me.  Out of the rat race.

For a while I took a short hike into the badlands, got lost in myself and my problems, but today am returning to joy.

Life is a journey of inwards and outwards, like breathing.  For a spell I am self absorbed and ruminating, the next out in the sun with a friend talking about Trump.

Good and bad are options constantly available.  So look for and see the good, even when you’re in the midst of some heavy duty bad.  Some joy might be right at your feet!

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Too Smug

“So how long does it take you to get dressed in the morning?” my friend asked me today.

“About a half hour of struggle.” I reply.

“I guess you’re not finding your joy these mornings.”

A startling statement!  True.  In fact, all my concentration has been on my poor hurting legs and all the effort I must now put forth to function.  Made me realize how quickly I have abandoned my dreams.  Perhaps I was too naive to casually tell people to ‘just make a half hour’ for your dreams.  This is all fine when you are fit; mentally and physically able.  But what if you are not?  What if you have constant pain?  What if the simplest things are monumental struggles?

There can be some huge obstacles standing in your way.  When faced with overwhelming challenges, not all of us have the ability to pursue our dreams. 

To be sure life is not fair or even kind at times.  Circumstances will favour you and then stab you in the back.  External things you can’t control for long, if ever.  Internal things, like your emotions can wreak havoc, and you might not ever harness your internal world and make it work for you.

Yes, it is way too smug to say all those cliches.  Just go do it.  If you want it bad enough you will find a way.  Nothing can stop you and yada, yada.  It is not always true.  Life can stop you cold.

We read about people who have overcome incredible challenges and succeed, because they are a rarity.  I don’t think everyone else is lazy or deficient.  I think it is way more complicated than that. 

If you have a challenge one of two things can happen.  It’ll either turn you away from your dreams or drive you harder into them.  And which way you go is dependent on so many factors that are unique to you and your life story.

If you learn of others who achieved their dreams despite themselves, you will find many different ways this was accomplished.  Some had family support, friends, money.  Others have incredible mental fortitude.  Some had a life changing moment, or they just made a decision.  Synchronicity and luck play roles.  Some learned how to change, how to adapt, how to find creative solutions.  Technology aided them. No two people are alike, and what may be nothing to one may be a huge problem to another.

It is too glib to say “Just go do it”.  Too smug.

Because not everyone has the ability.  Those tired cliches can burn holes in a good persons soul and make them feel inadequate, deficient, unworthy.

I am sorry I may have contributed to that mindset.

Having said all this however, I remain an optimist.  Perhaps a challenged person cannot make their dreams come true by themselves, but a global community of creative thinkers and doers can find innovative solutions to make those dreams come true in unconventional ways.  So put your dreams out there and ask for help.  You never know who has the answer.

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Choose Life

She cornered me in the pharmacy and unleashed a long tale of woe.  She had legitimate problems, big problems, overwhelming problems!  When she finally came up for air, I posed the deadly question:

“So what solutions have you tried?”

She blinked twice, mouth agape.

“Pardon?”

Women don’t share to solve problems, we do it to bond.  We use negativity as an emotional bond.  We feel each others pain and commiserate.  This is an ugly side to negativity.  It disguises itself as friendship.

I had two friends that I met for coffee once a week.  Both of them had intense suffering in their lives, past and present.  Whenever I would try to steer the topic to even how beautiful the day is, I could not deflect the conversation for long.  I had to terminate those two friendships because I was gasping for air.

Some people label themselves with a negative.  They are their illness, past, addiction, habit, toxin.  They dismiss the good in themselves and their lives because a negative story is much more intense and interesting.  But after awhile, no one wants to hear it any more.

Negative can look positive.  You get a warm and fuzzy with your buddies after sharing your difficulties.  However, this escalates and becomes the focus of your friendships and will soon wear you out.  The more times you share a problem, the more negativity you will experience.

Negativity has to be fed, and boy, does it grow!

Toxic environments abound in offices, homes, relationships, businesses because negativity comes in so many disguises.  It looks legitimate.  It evokes a strong emotional reaction.  When emotions are high, people band together and feed the monster.  A strong emotion makes you think it is a correct way to feel and you are justified to act on it.

Or not.

The other sneaky thing about negativity, it goes hand in hand with procrastination.  It evokes anger and fear, which either causes you to take action (YAY!) or more often, despair.  In the face of overwhelming problems it can cause hopelessness and helplessness.  Not only does this feel legitimate, because, after all, how can one person solve all this, you are stopped dead.

I think Albert Einstein said a negative person finds a problem for every solution. Killer of hopes, dreams and aspirations it paralyzes you from taking any kind of step forward, because, hey, what’s the use?

Negativity also disguises itself as power. A person spewing toxins can have a false sense of being in control and powerful.  A negative person is a fearful person hiding it. They conceal the fact they do nothing.  Perhaps they either are unwilling or unable to, but being very knowledgeable and talking about problems makes them look good, like they are doing something.  A constant diet of books, documentaries and conversations about bad stuff weakens you, and everyone will suffer. Dwelling constantly on bad things demoralizes and poisons everyone you meet.  You may be an authority on your problem or the worlds problems, but you take no action other than to deflate everyone else.

Negative is not any more real than positive.  Pessimism is not more realistic than optimism.  Our lives and world consist of both tears and joy.  You get to choose which to focus on. 

Joy however, is strength.  It has many faces; beauty, creativity, inspiration, miracles, kindness, gratitude, and any other good thing you can think of.  It is found in nature.  It is found in the wondrous things man has created. When you focus on joy, you will be strong.  In the face of a crisis you will look for the good, the flower in the prison yard.  More good will come to you, because you are open to it.  You will take action.  You will have courage.  You will do.

So next time you are tempted down the path of negativity, stop and look at the beauty of the world.  The good in the world, in your own life.

God said “. . . I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both thou and thy seed may live . . .”  Deuteronomy 30:19

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Joy Unexpected

I had a text to send before catching the bus, so I sat down in the shelter and sent it.  As I put my phone away, there at my feet was a large cicada.  I don’t know how I missed stepping on him!  I scooped him up on my bus pass and carried him to the safety of some bushes, pausing long enough to admire his gossamer wings and green and black mottled body.  Of course I told him how beautiful he is and to thank him.  Thank him for a moment of joy.

Nature has a way of giving me joy when I least expect it.  A chickadee alights next to me while eating lunch.  A dragonfly flits by.  A brightly coloured leaf floats down at my feet.  I come across an old apple tree heavy with fruit.  I glance out the window and see a red sun sink into the horizon.  All these momentary things add up to daily joy.

It saddened my heart to hear someone say nature is icky.  Yes, it can be.  But don’t let that rule your heart.  It is also unspeakably beautiful, extraordinary, amazing.  You choose how you see life, negative or positive.  Guess which one brings joy?  The more you appreciate beauty, the more you will notice and experience.

It is okay to be a Pollyana.  Don’t let naysayers tell you that being negative is being realistic.  The two points of view are realism.  Negativity just seems more real because it evokes a strong emotional reaction, a survival response.  Joy will bring you peace, and the more you focus on finding joy, the more peace you will have, and then you will have peace when you are in a crisis.  Joy makes you strong.

Choose joy.  Be grateful.  Keep those things in your heart.

Next week I am going to write about some more truths about negativity.  Negativity is ugly.

Some photographs to bring you joy at Amazon.com

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Joy Expected

My cat Sam can play the same game for hours and repeat this every day and find the same joy each time.   Sure, he is excited for the odd treat or a new toy, but everlasting happiness comes from what he likes best and does the most.

The continual happy feeling I have during the day is a result of morning routines I perform.  These give me a joy that lasts all day.  These routines are things I love to do, that contribute to my well being. They are not the things I must do, or things I deplore.  I make sure I do what I love first.  I treat myself very well before I go to work.

Something unexpected can bring a surge of joy most of us crave, but it is fleeting.  Everlasting joy comes from a daily structure that ensures you put yourself first before you must sacrifice yourself for others.

That is why getting up very early is so beneficial.  It gives you a block of time to do your joy and does not take away anything from others.  While everyone else is asleep you are doing something special, just for you.  What a big difference this will make to your entire life.

It affords you to get your dreams.  A half hour every morning will finish your novel, complete that university degree, get you back in shape.  All before all your have too’s for the rest of the day.  All before anyone else is awake!

There are three rules to this.  This half hour must be your hearts desire, something you truly want.  It must not disturb anyone else – like playing the tuba at 4 a.m. – um, that doesn’t work (but you can practice the finger keys or learn how to read music).  And, it can’t be negative.  If what you desire is to destroy or to hurt anyone or anything then forget it.  Stay in bed.

What we forget in our busy working lives is to take care of ourselves.  If we are constantly looking after others and other things, eventually we have nothing left to give.

Give yourself to something that is just for you, at least one half hour, first thing in the morning and watch the transformation that happens to the rest of your day.

And buy yourself some roses.

Book available from Amazon.com

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What Are Vacations For?

From your employers point of view they have to pay you money to not work so they don’t find much value in vacations.  The only exception being that you come back refreshed so you can work harder.

However, if you look at this picture, this is pretty much what will happen to you if you don’t take a vacation.

You’ll seize up.

Okay – I seized up about 5 weeks before my vacation.  Poor planning on my behalf.

So now I use my vacation to get better.

Now I know what vacations are really for.  Healing.

Most vacations it takes about 2 weeks for me to totally de-stress, and then I can try to remember who I really am and what I truly enjoy doing and then go do it.  Fortunately, as I am older, I have insisted on 4 weeks vacation, so I have 2 weeks, usually, to enjoy myself.  Maybe not so much this year.

I had not anticipated a holiday in which I am trying to get well enough to go back to work – but I suspect that this is exactly what most people do in one way or another.

Since I am now the Tin Lady, not unlike the Tin Man who made the mistake of being out in the rain, I’m a wee bit stiff, and a hell of a lot slower.

My physiotherapist can appreciate this picture.

As my friend said, he can do the hundred yard dash in 3 days.

Which is probably a day less than me.

I am getting better, but I also may have a new reality.

My vacation has a new meaning – but I must admit, a better meaning.  I have learned so much from being disabled, way more than when I was an able bodied, and active person.  Valuable lessons I could not have gotten any other way.  I discovered also there are some very genuine caring people in this world who have given their time to help me, despite my pride and stubborn self!  And some have inspired me in new ways.

I have learned the true definition of resilience, and it is not what you think.  Courage is not being Wonder Woman 24/7.  It means you get out and do what you have to do while your brain is whining all the time, you’re totally despairing, you’ve lost all hope,  ready to curl up and die, you’re having pity parties, screaming in pain or yelling at your spouse or any other hapless creature in your way.  You grumble, you plod and you are miserable but you keep pressing forward.  You put yourself on auto pilot and never stop.

I am grateful for the experience and the education, but next time, I think an exotic locale with 5 star hotels might be a better choice!  My lessons will go with me even there, and enrich all my future adventures.

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Performance Appraisals

There is a reason employees hate performance appraisals.  It is not a time to shine, it is a time when authority figures can judge, condemn, shame and guilt, with the odd compliment thrown in to make it all seem okay.  Worst of all, tiny seeds of doubt get planted in a persons mind which can jade their entire future.

In a world so intensely focused on the negative, it is far too easy to slash the hearts of good people and deeply wound them with unfounded criticism.

Criticism is unfounded because we all have strengths and weaknesses.   Zoning in on our weaknesses makes us believe we are faulty, unworthy and not enough.  We will struggle to fix these so called issues for perhaps the rest of our lives.  And the even more damning part is, it is usually a totally inaccurate assessment in the first place, because appraisals are from some other faulty person judging another.

Appraisals force people to work harder for less.  They make people work on things that perhaps cannot easily be changed, or worse, on a condition that doesn’t even exist.  Many times that same problem no longer exists in a different environment.  Appraisals wound.

What is needed is a change of focus to positive things.  What are a persons strengths that can be developed and encouraged?  What things would this person like to try, learn or grow in?  Are they happy as they are?  Is there a better place for them in this company that could use their talents? This should be an ongoing communication, not a dreaded once a year sit down with the boss.

Many places I worked at where I enjoyed my job would try to promote me into positions doing something entirely different and I was quickly very unhappy.  Instead of giving me more opportunities to do what I enjoy and shine at, they have their own agendas that have nothing to do with my happiness.

However, one place I stayed at for 20 years because they kept rewarding my strengths and interests.  For instance, when they discovered my love of photography they got me a little camera and made me official photographer of their company events.  Knowing I enjoyed drawing, they gave me the duty of making posters and forms.  When I wanted to learn something new, they sent me on courses.  These were the gems that enabled me endure other duties I did not so enjoy.  When management changed, I was put in charge of scheduling and arranging meetings for 9 committees and I quickly died.

I loathe the last part of appraisals; what are your five and ten year goals?  Easy, in 5 years to be long gone from here, and in ten, forget I ever worked here.  At eighteen I applied for a cashier job at a drug store, and the manager wanted to know what my future was with the company, my five and ten year goals.  Seriously?  At 18?  A cashier job?  My goals were how I was going to spend my cheque on the weekend, how much fun I could have.

Right up there with performance appraisals are the motivational staff meetings.  The message at those is clear.  We are not good enough.  We need to do ridiculous and embarrassing things in public to prove we are part of the culture.  It is humiliating and degrading.  Just stop that stuff.

Managers, stop being assholes.  Reward your employees by looking for their strengths, the things they love, and promote them to positions that utilize their abilities, and ultimately make them outstanding employees, because they love what they are doing.

You’ll be amazed at what happens.

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Another Work in Progress

Today, after another painful physio session, I wax philosophical once again at the bus stop.

As a fatalist, who believes in a predetermined destiny of most things, I am coming to realize that I am not being prepared for any future thing.  There is no purpose to my life in that I am going anywhere.  Instead, I am constantly being changed right on the spot, day by day.  God is a creator.  He is always creating something new.   I am always on the potters wheel, constantly being molded by Gods’ loving hands.  Never to be a finished project, but a work in progress, constantly recreated.  There is no end goal.  If I look at the world around me, all things are constantly being renewed, every single second.

I used to think events had something to teach me, and yes, this is still sometimes true.  Until I experienced constant pain.  Pain can work on you only so far, and then you burn out.  The universe is not a school.  The universe is creativity, bringing things into being.  I can move forward by learning things from my experiences, but the goal is not to build character.  There is no goal.  It is just constant change.

I have learned that you must fight to win, and persevere, but there are times to step back and let it go where it will.  This episode is teaching me to turn inside out, to see the world with gratitude and love, despite the screaming banshee in my legs always calling me back to myself.  I am part of a much larger thing.

It is a time for me to let God finally have rule over my life.  To let Him flow through me, making every moment a God moment.  A love moment, seeing with gratitude and wonder, awe and reverence for all that is evolving.

I am part of a story.  The story of the universe.  A story of creativity.

On the way home I rescued a large fluffy yellow caterpillar from undulating out into traffic and placed him back into a grassy field.  I wonder what kind of butterfly he will become?  Another work in progress.

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Love

Behind the bus stop near my physiotherapist (yes, I am back at it again – but that is another story),  a huge excavation is taking place.  A deep rectangular hole has been sliced out of the ground, a towering lattice work crane sits at its center.  Silent today as it is Saturday, all that weekday busyness is enclosed securely behind a chain linked fence, that bulges right up to where I am standing.

At the foot of the pole that marks this as a bus stop, there stands a very old tree.  Much mangled from the construction ensuing around it, and probably neglected for countless years before, it manages to survive.  Some bark has been stripped off, there are dead branches, and the leaves are dusty.  Yet it presses against all the stuff around it, new growth pushing up and beyond the overhead telephone wires to the sky and sun.  At its base a mess of weeds and wildflowers all tangled up in bits of metal and broken concrete, but growing so lush and blooming as to almost conceal the debris.

On this hot summer day, I appreciate the beauty of the flowers and the shade of the tree.  It reminded me to be grateful.  I also appreciated the fact that no matter how we try to demolish it all, a tiny shoot will soon push up through the cracks and greenery reappears.

But it occurred to me that it is not enough to feel gratitude only as the moment presents itself to me.

We have lots of time to think at our bus stops, and get a good tan while at it.

I realized I need to put God into every moment, so He flows through my entire life, not just parts of it.

I believe that the entire universe operates on the principle of love.  Not the mushy kind of love.  Love as the creative life generating force.  The tree of life. Love as abundance, creation, imagination, life, goodness, joy. The love that endures and perseveres. I call this love God.  Not the omnipotent, controlling, Kingdom type God, of punishment and whatever else is so off putting about peoples ideas of God.  But a God of love.

This love needs to fill my being so I am always in it, and not just reminded of it on rare occasions.

It is a good thing our buses take so long to arrive.

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Silver Lining

Life truly is a journey.  I’m not talking about the grand sweep of things from birth to death, or the lofty goals and plans we have, but the simplest of things like buying a pair of socks can end up being a grand adventure.

Happy outcomes (or not) are the result of many miles fraught with obstacles or surprises.  Even in Star Trek with the ability to go from point A to point B in seconds with a simple “Beam me up Scotty”, can be quite the experience.

We love drama and get caught up in the negative details of our trip, forgetting the outcome.  A great story is born from all the negative things that happened.  I have learned however, that what you focus on, you get more of.  Yes, some cliches are true!

Anything we attempt will be a process.  The most mundane activities, cleaning the house, grocery shopping, or buying a new piece of furniture can become a melodrama of epic proportions worthy of Hollywood movies (and often become such) and enable some lengthy conversations, with each person trying to upstage the other.

Some of us have become intolerant, entitled, perfectionist spoiled brats where not only the outcome must be perfect, but all the steps to it as well.  To expect your journey and destination to be flawless results in you having a screaming temper tantrum in McDonalds because they forgot to give you ketchup with your fries (with your meltdown on the internet with thousands of views – and comments).

Now some things truly are tragic – they go badly from the beginning and get worse from there.  I can empathize.  We all have stories!  No matter how much we planned, researched and prepared, there can be the unexpected.  And, sometimes life just knows better than us and blocks us savagely from certain directions.  But we seem to have lost our ability to be accepting and flexible.  More of us are making bigger deals out of lesser things.  And ditto, I am afraid, of making lesser deals out of bigger things!

There is a lot we can learn from our little journeys and get satisfactory outcomes.  We can avoid similar pitfalls in our next outing, though there will be new ones.  We can help others along the same path.  We can grow and learn and become a bit more patient and understanding.  Or we can remain that bull in the china shop, demanding our way at the expense of everything and everyone else.

To paraphrase a Rolling Stones song “You can’t always get what you want . . . but you can get what you need”.

I recently bought a flute.  Of course there were some obstacles and some interesting fine print details.  So it was not the flute I expected to get but it is good enough.  I got what I needed.  The one I wanted I can now save longer for, instead of taking on financing and I can wait for a sale.  All the while I still have a flute to play, which is the best outcome for now.  If I had of held out for everything to be perfect I would have nothing.  Which is kind of stupid, since what I want to do is play.

It is rare, but it does happen that I get exactly what I want easily.  Once I wanted to purchase a leather coat.  I hesitated for a long while as they can be quite expensive and yet, there the coat was, front row and center of the very first store I went to.  It fit me perfectly and was on sale.  This was so surprising that the clerk said she was obligated to try and sell it to me anyhow, which was the most comical transaction I have ever made.

Unfortunately, some of the bigger things in life have not been so easy.  Like a career.  Or a mate.  Life kind of steered me in all directions on those ones.

I find now that if I don’t make a big story out of the negative things in my journey, I have less of them.  I learn from them, but I don’t need to share them.  I am sure most people like to hear all the good things that happen along the way.  I know I do!  I like to be amazed at synchronicity, it thrills me!

As I get older, I want my life to be more positive and interesting because of happy coincidences.  I do read with envy those people who seem to have wondrous synchronicities happen to them with better than expected outcomes.  I think it all comes from your attitude about your journey, whether it be buying a pair of socks, planning a wedding, all the way to designing your future.  Keep looking for the silver lining and you’ll find a gold one instead.

I know.  I am a dreamer.  So be it.