Tag: women

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Owning Your Truth

Several things have happened to me in the past year that have put me in the familiar situation of either owning my truth, or trying to save face.

Women are trained from the moment they enter this world to not only apologize for everything, even things they had nothing to do with, but to explain themselves.

It is one thing to apologize and yet another to explain yourself and justify why you did or said something.

We are taught to be flustered in situations where we did something wrong. It is to make us weak and end up feeling very very bad about ourselves afterward. Making excuses and explanations leaves an awful bad feeling in ones soul.

We are taught to fall all over ourselves with explanations. To gush with them.

It is to make us a good girl.

To just apologize, a simple I am sorry and stop there, takes a lot more courage than you might expect. A woman will be questioned, no, interrogated to explain why she was a bad girl.

Even for us to say no, we go into explanations. This is very demeaning. Why can’t we just say no. No I won’t work on my day off. No I don’t want to go out with you. No I don’t like that. No, I don’t want to do that.

Recently I apologized for something I did do wrong, and for something I said. I did do those things and I was wrong to do so. I owned my truth. I did not elaborate. I was interrogated but I said nothing further, just repeated my apology until they finally understood that was all they were going to get from me. And that was enough.

My heart was pounding. My temperature rose to a hundred degrees. I sweat. But I felt terrific later.

Being true to yourself is extremely hard. No one likes to admit they were wrong. Especially if they did or said something on purpose. And women are suppose to explain why, which is so humiliating.

Sometimes I just fuck up. Sometimes I am in a bad mood. Sometimes I don’t know why I did or said something. Sometimes I do. But why do I need explain it to anyone? We all make mistakes, accidently and on purpose.

Own your truth without a single word more. It is freeing.

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50+

If I had my way, then all women who find themselves in the all too familiar predicament lately of being 50+, divorced or single, unemployed or underemployed, perhaps with some developing health issues, and not much money, would be helped.

Our old way of doing things is coming to an end. Our old ways of getting work and supporting ourselves is changing.

Help would come in the form of transitioning into this new way of being.

Of course, it concerns money. Everything is about money now. And NO it is not about lending money. It is about giving with no expectation of financial payback. Especially with interest. Gee whiz.

What I would like to see is free education for these women, so they can transition into a new way of supporting themselves. They could take higher education and get a new career, develop craftsman skills and apprentice. Be taken in and mentored in a field they would enjoy. There would be money to start a new business, and funding to help supply housing and food while making a transition.

So many women have so much to offer but are being ignored by the traditional way of finding work. These women have to reinvent themselves at a time when it can be most difficult to do so, usually for lack of funds and health issues. Many are caring for aging parents and children returning home.

There is a wealth of experience and knowledge many women have to offer to a world desperately in need of such counselling. We need to find ways to open doors for this knowledge to be tapped and used.

I realize that this is not for everyone, and there should be no pressure for someone to change. However, for those who do want to, then we should make it easy for them to do so, so they can get back out into the world and make a positive contribution. We are wasting a valuable resource when our world is in desperate trouble. A world that needs intelligent and compassionate solutions to enormous problems.

We can no longer rely on or trust our politicians or governments to do the right thing. They have their own selfish agendas and the money seldom wanders far from their own pockets and interests. What needs to be done in the world will have to be done by individuals helping one another. People who will take on the issues that our elected officials and governments are supposed to do and find ways to do it ourselves.

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YAY!

Just as men got called out for their abusive behaviour towards women, now corporations are being set to task for their employment policies. Called out by women. Yay!

Yay! to Abigail Disney for starting to expose the lies us drudges all know but could never speak out. The smoke and mirrors bosses and companies ply us with to make themselves look good, make us work harder for less and fatten up shareholders and CEO’s wallets.

It is a movement that started before Abigail, but she is an unexpected source of support, she is lifting the fog, making people see clearly the truth about company tactics.

The old way of employment must be thrown out.

Regardless of your age or qualifications, if you do the work, you should be paid for it. It is obscene to have employees earn below the poverty line and reward CEO’s double digit millions just for showing up. What this means is that a lot more than that CEO’s bonus was made in profits and went to shareholders. A lot more money. And not any of that money was given to the people who actually earned it.

It is disgusting that us drudges have to prove ourselves over and over and over for mere crumbs, knowing that at any minute bosses can pull our life line and we can be let go. No matter how long we have worked, how faithful we have been, or how much abuse we have endured, we are expendable.

It was always presumed to be the employees fault for not earning enough, or advancing in the company. The old belief in working harder and longer will yield recognition and rewards, or getting more education equates to more pay. I have done both and received no extra compensation, nor recognition, only more duties and higher expectations of me.

There are tons of things about working as a drudge I could go on about, but I am just so happy to see some cracks forming in the foundation of old employment practices opening up. To see a new age dawning for the working person.

Meanwhile, Sally still plays the game in searching for employment as a senior:

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Stop Looking Backwards

I read an article this morning that helped me to understand what is happening in the United States today.

Automobile makers have been freed of emissions regulations and as a result have resorted back to producing big, heavy, gas guzzling, pollution spewing trucks and abandoning the production of cars.

It occurred to me then that Americans are pining for the past, the glory days of the 50’s and 60’s, when everything was big from hairdo’s to cars.   Middle class was rising and becoming wealthy.  The space age began.  There were big dreams and the economy was booming.  The world was large.

But that is the highlight reel.

Out of all the white middle class suburbia and glory came gory.

Racism.  Pollution.  Abuse.  To name only a few.

As we became aware of such things, and realized they were not good, we took steps to fix our messes and evolved to today.   I think a lot of stuff in the past was done in ignorance and innocence.  We were children then, but now we are adults.  No longer innocent or ignorant of our footprint on this world or our impact on the global stage.  We pay a huge price for our ways.  There are consequences to every action we take.

Todays world is a global community with no options for being isolationist any more.  We must learn how to get along and work towards common goals.  There is no room for dictators with selfish ambitions, we will all perish under such rulers.  Those days should be long behind us.

If we don’t pay attention to our carbon footprint on the environment we are out of time.  Where can we go if this world dies?

Forget Star Trek fantasies of the 60’s.  The universe is a hostile place and ginormous.  There are no planets with handsome men and bodacious women, breathable air and luxuries abounding.  You think we are going to flee to Mars or live in satellites where every day is a fight to stay alive?  We live on a beautiful planet, our only home.  There is no place else to go.  We can build huge rocket ships, but to go where exactly?  And who gets to go?  It only happens in science fiction novels.  It is not reality.  Forget escaping, we need responsibility.  We need to grow up.

The exception to our current giant steps backward is the MeToo movement, a huge step forward for women.  That is why I pin my hopes on women to save the world.  If we preserve our nurturing, loving nature and combine it with our new found confidence we could end racism, poverty, abuse, pollution and all ills of the world.

It is the bad things in life that make us aware of what we want the world to look like.  I am optimistic (though it wavers) – we usually, eventually, take responsibility to make things right again.  I did read a hopeful article that said the U.S. has survived many bad things and leaders and picked itself up and moved forward, and this gave me hope.  Yes, we can evolve but we have to stop looking backwards.  We can look at the crap and decide we’re not going there again.

Likewise, on a personal note, I too have to stop pining for the past and create a whole new me and life.

I think we all should.

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A New World Order

We are on the verge of establishing a new way of doing everything on this planet.

And this will be done by women.

Any ideology, religion or whatever that subjugates women is doomed to become extinct.  These are the very platforms that have wreaked so much havoc in our world.  They need to be thrown out. Because everyone, everyone – man, woman, child, creature, planet – is bone weary of bloodshed, disrespect of body, person, creature and environment.  Fed up with constant destruction, denigration, poverty, pollution.

Women represent life, love, replenishment, rebuilding, rebirth, nurturing, justice.  Positive qualities that will ultimately save our sorry state.

Our space exploration program needs to find a habitable planet to send those who want to continually blow everything and everyone up to, so they can war until they are all spent. There is no place or time left for such bad behaviour here any more.

There is only one rule to live by.  The Golden Rule.  And women are golden.

Many have tried to corrupt us to become killers and destroyers, but they cannot ultimately succeed.  Our nature is not thus and the majority of us just aren’t buying it.  Women need to embrace the phenomenal inherent strength of their gender. Go forward and change this world into the paradise it was intended to be. Just look at what the Me Too movement has accomplished.  Empires destroyed.  Just from our collective voices.

The time for change is over due.  This is not to demoralize or emasculate men.  It is not to pit one religion against another, to wave banners, or select one political system over another.   This is to restore our world, which benefits all everywhere.  That is what needs to be done now.  A new world order.  Women are leading the way.  I suspect they always have.

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350 DEGREES

350 degrees fahrenheit.

This is the oven red line* for most women cooks of my generation.  We seldom, if ever, cook anything above 350 degrees, except maybe to use the broil setting.

Men are out on the barbeque, flames towering 6 feet over their head, and they are having a glorious time.  We sit in front of the oven and wait.

A rebel cook confided to me she dared to try 425 degrees to cook some cornish hens, on the recommendation of a chef (chefs are allowed to cook at high temps).  Awesome secret revealed!  Hens crisp and brown on outside, tender and moist inside!  Now she frequents the no zone of 425 and up – even to 500!  Go girl!

Despite the fact most ovens can heat up to 500 degrees, we are seldom comfortable in that zone.  Perhaps it is the 451 fear, where paper spontaneously bursts into flames (though this ‘fact’ is not quite true).  Or we are just, so, well, timid.  You know, “It’s okay, I can wait an hour for dinner to cook”, while kids are screaming, husband is grumbling and cat meowing, loudly.  Oh sure, I can waste the only 3 hours I have left at the end of the day preparing food.  Where is that box of cookies?  Fast, delicious and instant!

A microwave does not solve the problem.  Red line is usually a minute.  Then you keep resetting.  3 times, 6 times . . .

This is a harmless, somewhat interesting and useless observation.

But this is MY blog.

*A red line appears on some types of gauges (e.g. tachometer) that indicates a limit you should not surpass too often, even though you can, as it may result in damage to the device and/or you.

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My Stuff, Your Stuff

A white shoe box was tucked securely under her arm, slightly crushed from a tight squeeze.

“Can you keep this for me for a couple of months?” she hands me the box, the lid askew.

“Sure.” Having worked for ten years at this Seniors Centre, I was used to strange requests.

She pulled up a chair in front of my desk and collapsed into it.

“Oh thank you!” she sighed heavily.  “My daughter is cleaning out my apartment and is throwing everything away!” and then she burst into tears.

Mementoes.  Keepsakes.  Things of interest.

All gone.

Except for the shoe box.

Inside she shows me some black & white photos of her late husband.  His war medals.  A picture of her as a decorated war nurse.  Trinkets and souvenirs from vacations.  Things that had memory and meaning.  Bits of this and that.  She runs her hand over the lid as she closes it and smiles at me.

“It’s just about all I’ve got left” she gasps.

I offer to save more for her if she wants.

“No.  No, it’ll be fine.  That’s enough”.

It is not the first time I’ve heard of daughters on a house cleaning rampage.  They mean well.

My Mother had a lot of stuff.  It wasn’t junk or dirt or a mess.  Her apartment was filled with pleasant memories and interesting things.  There was no reason for me to have a fit and clean things out.  I didn’t live there.  It was her stuff and her place.  Just as I have my stuff, and my place.  After all, she had decades more years of memories and things representing those experiences than me.  Such things are like old friends and very comforting.  They made her feel safe.  When it came time for her to let go of things, and move into a home, I let her choose what meant the most to her to keep.  She requested that I keep some things.  Just knowing I had them was a great comfort to her.

Months later this woman retrieved her shoe box and held it lovingly in her arms.

“My daughter moved me into a seniors home” she lamented.  “I only have room for this”.

When we’ve got more years behind us than ahead, we take delight in things past.  What is wrong with surrounding ourselves with the things that remind us of a life well lived?  The young show off their trophies of places they’ve been and photographs of things they’ve seen to impress others.  We have emotional ties to our trinkets and treasures that provide us with a feeling of home, security and love.  We realize such things have little if any meaning to anyone else and we don’t expect them too (but are a little disappointed they don’t).  However, they sure warm our hearts and keep us grounded in an increasingly hostile world.  So be careful with our treasures children, and gentle with us, please.  You can do what you like when we are gone.  You just might find some new meaning in them then.

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Technologically Challenged

When the electronic age began to pick up momentum in the public, we were amused by it.  New gadgets and wizardry were mostly expensive toys or luxuries.  I remember getting a private line telephone, a luxury that freed us from the intrusive party line.  When I went to Expo 67, Bell demonstrated video phones where we could see the person we were talking to and we didn’t like it!

I let technology get way ahead of me with this mindset, which wasn’t all that bothersome.  I lived happily in the dark ages for a long period of time.  I was able to function.  I had my share of crappy cell phones with limited range, far too small screens and buttons, and never used them much. They were an interesting thing to have, but not a necessity.

Until…

I was going to visit my brother.  I haven’t traveled in decades.  The trip required 3 connecting flights.  As is the case, quite frequently, I now understand, my first connecting flight was delayed.  The airport was under construction, so I was not surprised that the one pay phone I found was not working.  No worries.  Lots of time left. I can call him when I get to Denver if I am going to be late.

I am going to be late.  12 hours late!

Panic!

There are rows and rows and rows! of phones at the Denver airport.  And not one of them work.  I know.  I tried them all.

So I see a big guy sporting an even bigger cowboy hat and a badge that said Information.

“Am I doing something wrong?” I ask him about the phones.

“Nope.  None of them work.  Haven’t worked in months.  Is your phone dead?”

“I don’t have one.”

He shrugs and walks past me.

Around me everyone has their face illuminated by blue phone light.  I don’t even know how to use one.

I walk over to a man with his nose to the screen.  “Kind sir.  I am in a fix.  I will pay you $20 to make a phone call for me.”

He looks at me, blinks in disbelief.  He hands me his phone “Go ahead” he says “You don’t have to pay me.”

I explain it is a long distance call.  He says that doesn’t matter.  I hand the phone back to him.

“Can you dial it for me? – I don’t know how.”

He gives me a silly grin as if I am joking, but dials the number. “Just talk into the screen” he is half serious.  He stands there gawking at me, suspecting some kind of prank.  As fortunes have it, the line is busy.  “Can you try another number?”

Mission accomplished, I get to leave a message. He waits as I collect my suitcase, give him a heartfelt thank you, and head for the nearest eatery.  He looks around, waiting for some TV host and camera crew to show up, tell him it was all just a gag and can we use it on our show?

My unfortunate brother had to page a reply to me at the airport and pick me up at midnight, instead of noon.  And oh yeah, he waited quite a while at the airport for me, didn’t get my message until he went back home.

“Get this” he shows me the blue screen when I arrive.

I comply.

Now I’m hooked on the thing.  How did I ever manage without one?!