Tag: meaning

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Silence

There is a lot of silence after quitting 15 years of work.

Good silence.

The kind of silence that gets in your head and makes you see the truth so plainly, that it is like a slap to the face, or a left hook.

That kind of reality check, that kind of clarity takes a lot of the fear away. It allows you to move past the past and into a brand new future.

Forced isolation, thanks to Covid-19 and lots of jobless time have made me see exactly what those 15 years were.

Nothing more than a puff of smoke, if even that.

Eckhart Tolle said our lives are like a dash on our tombstone. The only notable points are the date of birth, and the date of death. All that happened in between is summed up with a dash.

So to with my 15 years. June 2005 – June 2020. Ha! Ha!

This all sounds a bit depressing, but actually it is quite freeing. There is no longer any weight or meaning to those 15 years. There is nothing holding me anymore. I am untethered.

Some things try to pull me back, but I no longer have those heavy feelings of responsibility. It was a false responsibility to begin with. I was a fiercely loyal and caring employee, to a fault. This was never valued or appreciated, and that is okay. No regrets.

In truth, I believe that if I had of been the real me, then I would have been valued and appreciated. I wish I could have been more of a free spirit then.

I can now.

I am now.

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One Cat Apartment

One cat apartment is more a statement about who rules the dwelling as opposed to how many cats can abide there.

Be prepared for a complete makeover of your life, possessions and habits when you decide to become a one cat apartment dweller.

I am permitted to reside here of course because I provide  the means, the food and creature comforts.  I am rewarded for this with the cats rendition of love.

My black spotted cat dutifully wakes me at 4:30 a.m. no matter what my condition (that is irrelevant, everyday is a new day!) and makes sure he is my top, and only priority for the day (he will allow me my amusements when he chooses to nap).  Hmm, now that I think of it, it is a lot like being married.

He delights me with all his antics, quirks and character.  As my world of valued possessions is increasingly reduced to being tucked into drawers or at ceiling level, I am mesmerized by his boundless energy, enthusiasm and curiosity, or by his plain old bad mischievous behaviour.

He is certainly good for me, though I am frustrated by his persistence to do wrong (chew expensive art supplies, dig up plants, repeatedly relocating things on shelves to things on floors).  People comment I am a much nicer person in the possession of a cat.  In fact, many pushed me to get one after suffering me a year catless.  My Mother used to plead with me to go to the gym for the same reason.  Everyone benefited afterwards.

I must admit I had never heard the expression One Cat Apartment until I got my new cat.  My lease limits how many people can live with me but not pets, or what kind.  It doesn’t need to.  No matter what the size of my living space, one cat is enough.

Even now while writing this, little four foot is into forbidden places, knocking over stuff and squeezing into areas I could never reach into.  Creating havoc because I dare to ignore him.  He never tires of this, he delights in it.  It keeps me very humble and reminds me of what really matters in life.  Things are replaceable.  Sam (my cat) is not.

As Christmas comes and my house is devoid of decorations, for the same reason as when I hang my clothes on the rack to dry, within moments all is on the floor, I am forced to be content to have all that glitter within me, and shine from the inside out.  Little cat is only 6 months old.  Presently, everything is one big Christmas gift to Sam, to be unraveled, dispersed, played with and ultimately destroyed. The years will pass, cat will settle down and my concealed dormant Christmas tree will once again be released and brighten my room.  I am not overly bothered by this.  I am an enthusiastic little kid putting decorations up, and then procrastinating until July to put them away.

When he jumps up into my lap unexpectedly, looks up at me with bright golden eyes and purrs warmth and love into my heart, I know I have a forever blessing cradled in my arms.  This is the true meaning of every day of my life, not just Christmas; peace, love and joy.

I should wish for everyone to have a One Cat Apartment.