You Are NEVER Going to Feel Like It

Got something that needs to be done?

Something you want to do?

But you are waiting, waiting for the right moment. Or when you feel like it. Or for permission?

I tell you now. You are never going to feel like it. The only person who can give you permission is you. And the only right moment is now .

One afternoon while I waited to have an X-ray, two women sat across from me. They were an interesting contrast. One lady sat straight in the chair, looked to be about fifty. The other, her friend, slumped over her knees and was probably about thirty.

The slumped lady was confiding to her friend that she really wanted to go back to school and get a degree in psychology, and her friend was providing her with all the reasons why she couldn’t and shouldn’t.

I wanted to speak up but I didn’t. I went back to school after nearly ten years and got my degree in biology, so I wanted to tell her to go for it. And I have since regretted I didn’t go further and pursue more courses.

This woman wanted permission. Oh how I can relate to that! Most women are taught to seek approval before we act.

So if you want to do something. Do it. Because you are never ever going to feel like it. It’s never going to be the right time. Few are going to be on your side. You have to just shut up and do it.

Do You Want to Change?

For a good portion of my life I was the self-help Queen – I read every self-help book there was, took lots of courses, attended many seminars. All that motivational, improve yourself stuff only helped me marginally, and that is being generous. Mostly, it emptied my pocket and made others rich.

Do you want to change?

Here is how.

Get rid of all your self help books.

Go to ground zero. Accept yourself right now, as you are, warts and all. The books are wrong. Motivational speakers are wrong. There is nothing wrong with you that the following can’t fix.

Education: Instead of reading self help junk, read about subjects you don’t know anything about; history, aeronautics, architecture, psychology, mechanics, biology, the list is endless. Read biographies. Read all kinds of fiction. Watch documentaries. Check out your library – so much for free! Take courses on-line with EdX and Coursera (from Universities all over the world, for free!!) Fill your mind with all kinds of interesting stuff.

Experience: Get out there and try things. See things. Go to museums and art galleries. Visit different lands, experience unique cultures and talk to people. Go to university lectures and seminars. Go to concerts. Symphonies. Theatre.

Listen: When people talk, hear what they are saying. You will learn some unexpected things!

Be open: Say YES to life and enjoy all it has to offer. Keep an open mind. Be optimistic. Find the good in the bad. Let go of your opinions and judgements.

All of this will magically do a zillion times more than any self help book.

Adopt a Granny

Did you know that in Canada there are over two million senior citizens living on $18,000 or less per year? That is, 15% of all seniors live in poverty.

Can you live on 18K or less a year?

A large percentage of these people are single and women.

If ten million dollars can be raised to support an illegal protest, then surely people could spare a hundred dollars or so a month to help a senior.

I have said it before. A small amount of money can make a huge difference in someone’s life. And it is often the lack of a bit of currency that denies people a decent life and robs them of their dreams.

I know seniors are not as cute as a puppy or as endearing as a child, but they are just as in need of housing, food, medicine, care and companionship.

You are probably not aware of a seniors needs. Adults tend to hide their poverty.

So if you know of someone, and it could be your own granny or grandpa, that could really benefit by you buying their medicine once in a while, pay their rent for a couple of months, buy their groceries for a few weeks, or just give them some extra cash to do with as they please, it’d really be appreciated.

Adopt a Granny today.

Laundry

Laundry.

Ugh.

Ranks right up there with dishes, housework and throwing out the garbage. A hateful task.

But boy, can it pile up fast if you’re not paying attention. Suddenly you’re groping around for a pair of underware in your drawer and realizing, there ain’t none.

However, like all good laundry procrastinators, my excuse is, the pile has to age properly first.

I know.

Just shut up and do it!

I think what is much worse however, are the people who do their laundry and then let it sit in the laundry room overnight or, days, and never collect it. So inevitably someone else needs a washer or dryer and heaps the stuff on the counters. UGH.

I never go to our laundry room on Mondays, because after a weekend of such abuses, it is not a pretty place.

Just Shut Up and Do It!

One of my motto’s for years has been Just shut up and do it!

I apply it to most anything I hate doing, am lazy about doing, have tantrums about doing and also, to things I love doing, but procrastinate.

It takes me much longer to think about doing something, than to actually do it.

I can waste days thinking about cleaning up a mess that when tackled, took only five or ten minutes to rectify.

I can let dishes pile up, when really, it only takes maybe twenty minutes to wash.

Sometimes, I admit, I like to torture myself and not do things. I have no idea why, except it feels a thousand times more wonderful when I finally just stop my whining and do it. Sort of like in romantic relationships where making up was worth the breaking up part.

Mountains Out of Molehills

How did we ever go from the molehill (albeit a very serious one) of a pandemic of a deadly disease that we need to protect ourselves against (with social distancing, masks and vaccines) to a mountain, where this temporary situation is somehow going to result in a dystopian brave new world society?

Like holy cow. What the F?

Seriously people, you need to stick to what is really going on and address that. Not let your colourful imaginations take you down bottomless rabbit holes.

We have to surrender freedoms in this case in order to stay alive.

It is not complicated.

We have a zillion rules and regulations which we must abide by to stay healthy. We have building codes so that our dwellings don’t fall down. Automobile laws so we are safe when we drive. Food inspectors so we don’t die eating at a restaurant. We need vaccines to go on vacations to foreign lands. All these things are to protect us.

A lot of rules and regulations we have because people can’t think for themselves, and often prove that they are a lawless mob, quite eager to infringe on the rights of others to get their way.

We have laws to protect ourselves from the lawless. We have to do this.

I’m not going to debate about whether this is right or wrong in the long term. It is what makes our society work right now, until we find something better.

Yes, sometimes we need to question things, but when you do, for God sake, think about what you are questioning.

And it is not all about YOU. Not everyone agrees with you. You don’t speak for everyone, maybe not even a few of us.

Purge

I once had this great idea that I could wipe out a memory by revisiting it.

Long story short. It didn’t work.

I had very special memories of Montreal and a man I loved.

So I took the train to Montreal and decided to go back to some of the places that were particularly poignant and just wipe clean the memories. A purge, if you will.

But all it did was depress the hell out of me.

So much for that.

Here is the correct way to deal with such memories: see the good that came from the experiences that gave you those memories.

That love affair taught me so much, and is invaluable to who I am now.

And I still love Montreal.

And I guess, I still love him.

Icy Portrait

We have been hit with some nasty cold weather this January, the thermometer dipping close to -30 degrees centigrade, before the windchill!

I would have loved to gone out and snapped photographs of the trees covered in frost, but after some debate, decided this was not such a good idea. Not because of the extreme cold so much, as the ice underfoot.

But an awesome ice crystal mural was to be found in the bus shelter.

Nature is an award winning artist!

Post Humous

My father worked at the Central Experimental Farm for many years in Technical Services. He helped design many of the laboratories on the farm and invented machinery.

His work there has just disappeared. Not a mention anywhere.

Granted, my father was not the most liked man on the job. His previous occupation was that of a Sergeant Major, so he was a tough lad at six feet and didn’t suffer fools gladly, if at all.

But he was an exceptional hard worker, and brilliant. He contributed a lot to the farm.

His co-workers got streets named after them. Many got articles written about them. But my father has vanished into history. Even though his name is not there, he left his mark on numerous buildings and projects.

It has been almost 40 years since he left this planet, and in my old age, I have wished that my Dad had of received some kind of recognition on the farm.

But I guess every daughter wishes that for their Dad.

Temptations

Ah, it is January and you’ve made New Year resolutions once again.

My condolences.

Temptations are going to happen.

But here is what I learned about temptations.

They are showing you that you have a repressed emotion. It is the emotion you need to address, not the temptation. Not the cupcakes, the potato chips, ice cream. Not the cigarettes. Not the distractions. Not your procrastination or so called weak will. These are stories that point to an emotion not acknowledged. These things make you feel something. It is not the craving or the longing or the resistance that you need to fight, it is the underlying emotion that you need to recognize, accept and love.

Temptations purpose is to show you something. Not defeat you.

They cause an emotion, and emotions never, ever, ever, ever, respond to logic.

Emotions need to be felt, and this is the tricky part. To allow your emotion, to accept it, on its own, without judgement, detached from the story of why you have it.

If you rehearse the story of why, and judge yourself, you are forever trapped in your emotions and temptation will defeat your best efforts. You will stay forever angry, or sad, or whatever you are feeling. The feelings are not wrong. Emotions are not wrong. They are energy that needs to be felt and released. It is only your judgement of them that makes them wrong.

Forget why you feel something.

To resolve your issue you must sit with it, by yourself. Quiet. Feel it. You will find that your emotion evolves, it may start out as anger but becomes sadness. I found the issue I had with overeating had many different emotions attached to it; anger, self loathing, worthlessness, boredom, feeling deprived etc. But if you focus on the ‘why’ stories attached to those you never get out of it.

However, a good cry does wonders. Just be careful you don’t stay at the self pity party too long. That is a story of why and is self defeating to say the least. Whenever you act out an emotion you need be very careful you don’t rehearse the story of why you feel it.

I learned that when I did bag boxing. Boxing is a fabulous stress reliever, providing you focus on the blows you inflict to the bag, and not the problem you are beating up. You are not punching your boss, you are releasing the hurt you feel. This is not about your boss, this is about your sadness. Keep your mind off the story and on what you feel. It is tricky to do. But like all things, practice makes it so. The punching bag also got a lot of hugs while I cried.

Rocky has no worries with this one.

So I learned it is better to sit quiet and locate the emotion in your body. Is it in your throat? Stomach? Legs? Where ever it is, focus on that and feel it until it gradually disappears. This has to be done every time you are triggered, and it does not matter if you succumb to the temptation confronting you the first few tries. Eventually you will no longer have the desire to fulfill the craving or longing, or to resist. It goes away.

This is very hard to do. It requires a lot more effort than just lacing up your running shoes and going to the gym. But the effect is a lasting one, and makes going to the gym for the long term that much easier. It is a whole lot better than padlocking your frig. A whole lot better than beating yourself up with guilt and shame.

And the side effect of this is, you will then make the right choices in your life. They will be love based choices, not fear based. You will respond and not react to situations.

Later you may learn why you feel certain things; for instance a past hurt, a rejection, homesickness, loneliness, worthlessness, and a whole host of victimhood stories from your past. But if you dwell on these stories and not allow yourself to feel your pain, without judgement, you will never be free.

It is called self love.

I have said this often before. If you use any of the above wisdom to do or justify something evil, to act out your rage on others, to harm anyone or anything else, you are not understanding and I will not condone your behaviour on any level.

Oswald Chambers said something very wise and I paraphrase: “The devil does not tempt us just to make us do wrong things, but on the premise of shifting our point of view.” Then we will be trapped in sin and not see the damage of it.

Worth thinking about the next time you are faced with temptation and where that might lead.