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The Spirit of Christmas

Some people really lack all understanding of what Christmas means, and the spirit can’t even get close to them. Instead they gripe and complain about things I would consider awesome, like fancy meals, decorations, having friends and family visit, and most of all, presents.

I am shocked when I hear parents denying their children presents for their own selfish adult reasons. Reasons which translated to a child mean they are being punished for something. Children live in a world of reward and punishment on which their very survival depends. They always have to try to figure out which is what in order to be cared for. They don’t understand your adult shit .

Christmas is supposed to be a celebration, giving and receiving and eating way too much. It is to be a time of laughter and fun. What the fuck happened to that? Oh yeah, stupid adults.

Stupid adults on their own stupid agendas at a time of year when all agendas need to be cancelled, voided, nulled and thrown out! Oh we gave to the poor, or worse, make their children give up presents of their own for total strangers. Stop it!

I am not saying do not give to the poor – I am saying do both, stupid!

Show your children how they can do both too without punishing them. They will see your generosity, your Christmas spirit (hopefully all year long) and when they are adults themselves and understand that kind of shit, will follow suit. Show them by your actions, and don’t make them sacrifice their joy, their presents, what kind of shits are you? Miserable sots that you are, shame, double shame on you for being such miserable sots.

I am not saying you need to indulge every childish whim and desire, but for goodness sake, get them things that will make them squeal with delight. Things you have to wrap up and put under the tree – if you even can bring yourself to have a tree. Make Christmas happen people – for your children at least. Maybe even you might find some delight in it.

Also, the worst Christmas thing I ever witnessed was when my Mother and I went out for a fancy Christmas dinner at a restaurant, and next to us was a man and his young daughter. She was maybe 4 or 5 and was holding her toy bunny and listening to this asshole father explain to her that Mom and Dad were no longer going to be together and she would have to now visit them separately. Kept asking her if she understood this. Of course not you moron. She’s a little girl with her toy rabbit! And it’s fucking Christmas dick! Shame on you! Adults are miserable, selfish sots!

I am so glad I had the parents I did, and had Christmas that was full of presents, joy, and laughter without conditions and things I would never have understood in a million years. Thank God that although things were not perfect, my parents made the effort to make our lives worth living and never ever made us try to live in an adult world before our time. They let us be kids.

Amen to that!

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Just Because Again

At this time of year I usually recommend that you buy yourself something, a just because gift.

I got my just because gifts this week, to cover my birthday and Christmas as they come so close together.

Now before you run off and call me selfish, it is first of all, okay to be a bit selfish once in a while – hence the ‘just because’ gift. We spend so much time taking care of everyone else and forget that we are worthy of rewarding ourselves. The gift should be something you really want – not something you need necessarily, but something very interesting, unusual and you. It does not have to be practical. It can be silly. It can be anything that your heart truly longs for.

This gift you do not justify to anyone else; no need to explain why you got it, or how much money it cost, or offer all kinds of excuses for getting it or anything else to make yourself look small. Get the gift. Don’t tell anyone. It is yours.

It took me a long while to realize how important this is. It does not mean I don’t give to others, that somehow someone else I love is deprived. Good grief. But if I continually deprive myself of good things, things that make my heart sing, if only for a short while, I am giving myself a very clear message that I am not worthy, that I am less than others. Bah, humbug.

Too many years of this already.

Your gift can be anything that means something to you. An experience. A course. A seminar. A retreat. Vacation. Jewellery. Clothing. Dust collector. Book. Something you’ve wanted for ages ‘just because’ you like it, you want it.

Of course, don’t be silly and rush out and buy a Corvette unless you can afford it! But if a Corvette is what you want – then give yourself the gift of permission to have it, and then make plans to save, work, enter contests, whatever (nothing illegal here please) to get it.

I am a very frugal person, so it used to be very hard to buy anything new for myself without trying to find it already used or on sale, or to substitute a lesser value/quality item and tell myself it is good enough. Especially something I don’t need. Don’t you do that! The first time I bought something new, of high quality, at full price, I felt faint! It felt sneaky, but exhilarating. But, boy, did that change my outlook, and my confidence. So now I do the just because every year. It shows me I love myself. That I can do things. I can be someone. Someone worthy.

Let me tell you, owning nice things does a lot for your soul. Even getting one small item that is your hearts desire is worth it. Even if it is something you just look at once in a while. No it is not crazy.

If it doesn’t do the same for you, make you feel awesome, you are doing it wrong. Treat yourself like you would treat someone you are madly in love with and long to please and make happy, just to see them light up with joy and jump up and down and cry a little. Make yourself the giver and the recipient and see what happens.

If you want to get married but are alone, propose to yourself, get yourself a ring, marry yourself! (It has already been done by the way). If you love roses but think buying a dozen is an extravagant waste – buy yourself a dozen long stem beauties and enclose a sexy, make your heart sing love card. And put those lovelies in a big, bold, beautiful vase. Send yourself a Christmas card! You have to love and honour yourself – put the oxygen mask on yourself first before you help others. When you cherish yourself, watch what happens to your life.

You are worth it.

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Asleep But Still Functioning

I know that what I am about to write about is rather obvious to most of you, but for me it is novel. I equate it to having been unconscious and still functioning, walking around asleep but managing, and not being much aware of it.

Let me explain. For 2+ years I have been ill. I developed a condition that decreased my physical mobility to that of those lumbering ancient tortoises you see on the Galapagos Islands. While acutely aware of my new physical limitations, I was unaware of how much this was affecting my mental abilities. Not just my mood, but my perception and ability to do things, especially the mundane, so called easy tasks.

I noticed this as I folded my laundry this morning. For the first time in what seems forever, doing laundry seemed to go much faster and all my towels etc. were neatly folded. I marveled at the straight uniform folded pile of towels and how easy that went. A simple task that I struggled with, not just because my limbs were tired and hurting, but I was not able mentally to fold anything straight.

Perhaps this sounds ridiculous, I guess it does. As time goes by and I get better (thanks to big pharma), I am noticing how much trouble I had with mundane tasks for the past two years. Of course I was aware of how much trouble the big things were, like getting on and off a bus, sitting on low seats (ahem, toilets) and then trying to get back up, carrying groceries, even pouring a cup of tea! Physical things were exhausting and difficult to execute, even just standing for a short period of time was depleting. And managing a cane while trying to do all this was enlightening. All this gave me a new outlook and empathy for others similarly struggling.

But what I missed seeing was the mental struggle. Being depressed and moody was understandable. But losing some mental ability was startling. I was not thinking straight. My perception of the world was skewed. It was not a huge difference, perhaps not even noticed by others (or they were polite!), but now I am thinking like I used to, before this condition, without ever realizing I had stopped thinking like I used to. Very strange.

As I said before, we are very much chemical beings. The chemistry of our bodies and minds quite often determine our behaviour, thoughts and actions, and we are unaware.

I liken my experience to being sleep deprived. You think you are okay, but you are not. You do not realize how out of it you are until either someone points it out, or you discover it yourself as a blatant mistake you made in judgement and reasoning or in performing a task, much after the fact.

At any rate, I am back to being my very happy old self! I certainly missed her!

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Mom is Smiling

My friend insists I share this story with you, please don’t be offended. This happened 9 years ago and is a true story. I didn’t have much money in those days, and I am a person who makes do.

It was a beautiful fall day. I got off the bus early because I had a special trip to make before my work day began.

The funeral home was conveniently located close to my place of employment.

I went inside and was greeted at reception by an impeccably dressed gentleman in three piece suit and tie. At 8 a.m. he looked ready to greet the Queen if necessary, instead it was just me, in my scrubs, hair tied back. He was a bit uncomfortable, but polite.

“I’ve come to pick up my Mom”

He cleared his throat. I have a loud voice.

After signing all the papers, he presents me with a beautiful and large solid brass urn, it is heavy! But I was ready. I always prepare for things in advance.

I pull out my recycled plastic grocery bag – you know, the ones that can hold fifty pounds and have pictures of fruits and veggies on them.

“Put her in here” I cheerfully hold open the bag.

Aghast and with eyes as big as saucers, the gentleman lowered her gently into the bag and off I went to work. As I slung the bag over my shoulder I remarked that Mom was heavier than I remembered.

I put Mom in the back room of our office where we have our little kitchen and storage area. It was the first time Mom had ever been in my office. No one knew that she spent the day with us, everyone just presumed I had been grocery shopping before coming into work.

At the end of the day, Mom and I took the bus home, her safely tucked in the bag between my feet.

Mom would have approved.

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Hippie Wisdom

Three older women dressed as hippies; headbands, peace symbols, suede fringed vests and flowered bell bottoms, were having a blast doing a photo shoot in the mall yesterday at one of those specialty photo booths, where for a price you can be anyone and get a photo to prove it.

I stopped to watch because my head has been in the 60’s and 70’s lately.

I am on vacation and doing a lot of reflecting back on my life, and I had a moment of hippie sappiness.

My life up to this point is meaningless and pointless, a common realization to most who have lived past the age of 50 or so. But the hippie sappiness came when I remembered that the only thing that gives life meaning is love.

I know, break out the Beatles records!

Work is tedium, boring and meaningless. I am just a worker bee, like countless millions of others, serving the machine, making the select few rich. Most of us work for the ‘machine’ which enslaves us with debt and never rewards us for being good or working hard at anything. It promises us if we behave and conform and do more then maybe we can be more. A promise that fails to deliver.

The only parts of my life that were not a continual grey are those times I experienced love. It is love that brings colour to our existence.

Being in love is like taking a deep breath of fresh spring air. You expand and grow. Love is the only thing worth living for.

If you focus on anything else, your world will become very small, you will contract into a very tight ball.

I once met the happiest man in the world. He drove a tow truck, worked in a garage, not much money, hard hard work, long hours. His life had a lot of drama. However, he positively beamed when he talked about his wife and kids. He told me then, a long time ago where I should put my heart. He had his priorities right. I should have listened.

Love is everything. Family. Friends.

All else is nothing.

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50+

If I had my way, then all women who find themselves in the all too familiar predicament lately of being 50+, divorced or single, unemployed or underemployed, perhaps with some developing health issues, and not much money, would be helped.

Our old way of doing things is coming to an end. Our old ways of getting work and supporting ourselves is changing.

Help would come in the form of transitioning into this new way of being.

Of course, it concerns money. Everything is about money now. And NO it is not about lending money. It is about giving with no expectation of financial payback. Especially with interest. Gee whiz.

What I would like to see is free education for these women, so they can transition into a new way of supporting themselves. They could take higher education and get a new career, develop craftsman skills and apprentice. Be taken in and mentored in a field they would enjoy. There would be money to start a new business, and funding to help supply housing and food while making a transition.

So many women have so much to offer but are being ignored by the traditional way of finding work. These women have to reinvent themselves at a time when it can be most difficult to do so, usually for lack of funds and health issues. Many are caring for aging parents and children returning home.

There is a wealth of experience and knowledge many women have to offer to a world desperately in need of such counselling. We need to find ways to open doors for this knowledge to be tapped and used.

I realize that this is not for everyone, and there should be no pressure for someone to change. However, for those who do want to, then we should make it easy for them to do so, so they can get back out into the world and make a positive contribution. We are wasting a valuable resource when our world is in desperate trouble. A world that needs intelligent and compassionate solutions to enormous problems.

We can no longer rely on or trust our politicians or governments to do the right thing. They have their own selfish agendas and the money seldom wanders far from their own pockets and interests. What needs to be done in the world will have to be done by individuals helping one another. People who will take on the issues that our elected officials and governments are supposed to do and find ways to do it ourselves.

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Poverty In Our Own Room

In this world of an ever increasing divide between the rich and the poor, the haves and the have nots, we tend not to notice that poverty can be right in our own rooms.

The people we work with.

Our friends.

Ourselves.

How many wealthy bosses and business owners, world leaders and politicians don’t even notice the sometimes wide spread poverty of their own employees or constituents or worse, don’t even care. Many have been rich a long time and have no understanding on any level of what it means to struggle financially. To not be able to pay bills, make ends meet, save money. To not have any future.

There is a failure to see that poverty is not just the masses of people living in horrific conditions elsewhere in the world. It is right under our noses.

Poverty is on the increase in our country, not just for the unemployed and seniors, but prevalent in the working masses. Single parents forced to sleep at work because they are homeless. People walking for miles to work because they can’t afford transportation. People without heat or electricity or water – right here in our own country. What about people who are wiped out by hurricanes, fires or ill health who have no “emergency fund” or insurance. The “emergency fund” and buying insurance by the way, are just clever ploys to make us think financial difficulties are our fault (good luck trying to collect from insurance when you need it too). The real problem is low wages and the resulting debt load (how the F can you put money away for a ‘crisis’ or afford insurance, when you can’t put food on the table). How can your wages compete with runaway inflation (look at the cost of food, housing and transportation-out of control and caused by greed).

Totally disgusting that many states and provinces have blocked the increase of minimum wages. Corporations, governments and banks have enslaved the majority of the population with debt. Debt is no longer a symptom of overspending on luxuries, that was back in more prosperous days – now it is a necessity in order to survive.

For want of sometimes a very small sum of money, a person cannot go forward in life, or worse, loses what little they have. Even if the rich do help, they want pay back, with interest.

Gone are the days – long gone are the days, when if you just work hard enough, get more education or kiss the bosses ass, you’ll be a success. Now you have to kiss the bosses ass just to survive.

Many of us will have to keep on working long past the point where we are physically and mentally able. Probably many are at that point now.

My Mom always said, charity begins at home. And we have a big problem, right here at home.

The answer to poverty in our own room is just that. Charity begins at home. We can no longer turn to our governments or politicians for help as they are greedy and self serving (politicians are just wannabe rock stars and governments serve big corporations). No, it is happening in the hearts and minds of ordinary people.

People rally together to help those in need. When we are made aware, we take action. Look at the website Sunny Skyz and you will see all kinds of people doing all kinds of acts of kindness that make huge differences in peoples lives.

A pair of shoes. A blanket. Another chance at life.

We can no longer look up to the big wigs, the bosses, the politicians, the corporations, the uber rich. We have to do it ourselves – and we are. In even small ways, every day, we can change the world into a much better place.

Our governments and world leaders fail us. They are not interested in our welfare or the worlds. Most of our leaders are self serving or dictators. The more we realize this, the more we can fix things ourselves. Right here in our own rooms.

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Worry

I tend to go through phases of this, where I am intensely worried about stuff and then, what was I so upset about?

Like most people I suppose, I live a life of quiet desperation, keeping my worries to myself and being a mole, burying it underground so no one can see.

Sharing misery with others does not help the situation anyways. They’ll tell you you are worrying for nothing, or your fears are inflated. All the while, they have some deep seated fears, perhaps even the same fears they are being moles about.

The only cure for worry, like most things, is action. Not distraction necessarily, but confronting your fears head on.

What works for me is planning, though I hate planning or scheduling in near nauseating proportions.

If I have a clear idea what the problem is, then I can look for solutions, and several different plans to tackle it. If the thing I worry about comes to pass, I can put those initiatives into action.

Sometimes we don’t know what the problem is; we have a health issue but no diagnosis, we have a financial problem but we don’t know where the money is going, we have a relationship problem but don’t know why. So first the problem needs clarification, going for tests, tracking your money, communicating with your loved ones. It takes some research, some courage, and acceptance. No small feats to be sure. Once you know the problem, it makes it a whole lot easier to find solutions. However, you need a lot of solutions in order to find one that works for you.

Ugh, it all means work.

Or you can just needlessly worry, and let life take care of the problem for you. Sometimes you have to do that too. But, I am a fighter. I’ve been passive too but only on things I knew were hopeless, or not worth pursuing. Things I could not correct, only make worse by mucking around with it. It is good to let a lover go sometimes, or a job and look for the silver lining and new opportunities. Never easy, but certainly inevitable at some time in life.

I take great strength from people who have been through worse and survived, or better, thrived!

It does not mean things will go according to plan, but at least I will have thought about it and have some idea what to do. And if something comes out at me from left field, at least I know that in the past I have solved problems and knew what to do. It builds resilience.

And yet, I still worry. I lose sleep. I am human.

I think worry shows you the reality of life, that you cannot always control your destiny. But it only shows you the dark side of things. What if things improved immeasurably by something supposedly bad happening? I can tell you truthfully, this is often the case. Either what I worried about never came to pass, or in hindsight, it was the best thing to ever happen.

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To The Moon

A new condominium appears on the horizon, inching above the scores of other such dwellings in my hometown, soon to be an eyesore at 55 floors high, the tallest in our city, so far.  Appropriately named The Sky.

The first high rise came when I was just a teen.  With shaky legs my friends and I would venture to its roof to be wowed by the view.  At 24 floors high, this was dizzying to us bungalow dwellers.

My first apartment was at the nauseating height of two floors.  Still, I enjoyed seeing the tops of trees and bushes.  It was kind of interesting to look down on things.  Later, I moved half way up our high rise and this is far enough.  Gee whiz, I don’t even like flying, so to have my body many yards up off the ground as a living arrangement is a stretch.

However over time I appreciate things that land dwellers can’t.  Storms rolling in from miles away.  Beautiful sunsets across the hills.  Canada geese fly right by my balcony in the fall.  No bungalow dweller gets this!  And I have the best vantage to watch fireworks on notable holidays.

Yet, I look out and now see the ‘tower’ being built and realize it is about to set a precedent.  Eventually there will be so many my building will look like a bungalow!

As we move up I appreciate the sentiments of a construction worker who penned this on a new condo: