Category: Uncategorized

Posted on

Mom is Smiling

My friend insists I share this story with you, please don’t be offended. This happened 9 years ago and is a true story. I didn’t have much money in those days, and I am a person who makes do.

It was a beautiful fall day. I got off the bus early because I had a special trip to make before my work day began.

The funeral home was conveniently located close to my place of employment.

I went inside and was greeted at reception by an impeccably dressed gentleman in three piece suit and tie. At 8 a.m. he looked ready to greet the Queen if necessary, instead it was just me, in my scrubs, hair tied back. He was a bit uncomfortable, but polite.

“I’ve come to pick up my Mom”

He cleared his throat. I have a loud voice.

After signing all the papers, he presents me with a beautiful and large solid brass urn, it is heavy! But I was ready. I always prepare for things in advance.

I pull out my recycled plastic grocery bag – you know, the ones that can hold fifty pounds and have pictures of fruits and veggies on them.

“Put her in here” I cheerfully hold open the bag.

Aghast and with eyes as big as saucers, the gentleman lowered her gently into the bag and off I went to work. As I slung the bag over my shoulder I remarked that Mom was heavier than I remembered.

I put Mom in the back room of our office where we have our little kitchen and storage area. It was the first time Mom had ever been in my office. No one knew that she spent the day with us, everyone just presumed I had been grocery shopping before coming into work.

At the end of the day, Mom and I took the bus home, her safely tucked in the bag between my feet.

Mom would have approved.

Posted on

Hippie Wisdom

Three older women dressed as hippies; headbands, peace symbols, suede fringed vests and flowered bell bottoms, were having a blast doing a photo shoot in the mall yesterday at one of those specialty photo booths, where for a price you can be anyone and get a photo to prove it.

I stopped to watch because my head has been in the 60’s and 70’s lately.

I am on vacation and doing a lot of reflecting back on my life, and I had a moment of hippie sappiness.

My life up to this point is meaningless and pointless, a common realization to most who have lived past the age of 50 or so. But the hippie sappiness came when I remembered that the only thing that gives life meaning is love.

I know, break out the Beatles records!

Work is tedium, boring and meaningless. I am just a worker bee, like countless millions of others, serving the machine, making the select few rich. Most of us work for the ‘machine’ which enslaves us with debt and never rewards us for being good or working hard at anything. It promises us if we behave and conform and do more then maybe we can be more. A promise that fails to deliver.

The only parts of my life that were not a continual grey are those times I experienced love. It is love that brings colour to our existence.

Being in love is like taking a deep breath of fresh spring air. You expand and grow. Love is the only thing worth living for.

If you focus on anything else, your world will become very small, you will contract into a very tight ball.

I once met the happiest man in the world. He drove a tow truck, worked in a garage, not much money, hard hard work, long hours. His life had a lot of drama. However, he positively beamed when he talked about his wife and kids. He told me then, a long time ago where I should put my heart. He had his priorities right. I should have listened.

Love is everything. Family. Friends.

All else is nothing.

Posted on

50+

If I had my way, then all women who find themselves in the all too familiar predicament lately of being 50+, divorced or single, unemployed or underemployed, perhaps with some developing health issues, and not much money, would be helped.

Our old way of doing things is coming to an end. Our old ways of getting work and supporting ourselves is changing.

Help would come in the form of transitioning into this new way of being.

Of course, it concerns money. Everything is about money now. And NO it is not about lending money. It is about giving with no expectation of financial payback. Especially with interest. Gee whiz.

What I would like to see is free education for these women, so they can transition into a new way of supporting themselves. They could take higher education and get a new career, develop craftsman skills and apprentice. Be taken in and mentored in a field they would enjoy. There would be money to start a new business, and funding to help supply housing and food while making a transition.

So many women have so much to offer but are being ignored by the traditional way of finding work. These women have to reinvent themselves at a time when it can be most difficult to do so, usually for lack of funds and health issues. Many are caring for aging parents and children returning home.

There is a wealth of experience and knowledge many women have to offer to a world desperately in need of such counselling. We need to find ways to open doors for this knowledge to be tapped and used.

I realize that this is not for everyone, and there should be no pressure for someone to change. However, for those who do want to, then we should make it easy for them to do so, so they can get back out into the world and make a positive contribution. We are wasting a valuable resource when our world is in desperate trouble. A world that needs intelligent and compassionate solutions to enormous problems.

We can no longer rely on or trust our politicians or governments to do the right thing. They have their own selfish agendas and the money seldom wanders far from their own pockets and interests. What needs to be done in the world will have to be done by individuals helping one another. People who will take on the issues that our elected officials and governments are supposed to do and find ways to do it ourselves.

Posted on

Poverty In Our Own Room

In this world of an ever increasing divide between the rich and the poor, the haves and the have nots, we tend not to notice that poverty can be right in our own rooms.

The people we work with.

Our friends.

Ourselves.

How many wealthy bosses and business owners, world leaders and politicians don’t even notice the sometimes wide spread poverty of their own employees or constituents or worse, don’t even care. Many have been rich a long time and have no understanding on any level of what it means to struggle financially. To not be able to pay bills, make ends meet, save money. To not have any future.

There is a failure to see that poverty is not just the masses of people living in horrific conditions elsewhere in the world. It is right under our noses.

Poverty is on the increase in our country, not just for the unemployed and seniors, but prevalent in the working masses. Single parents forced to sleep at work because they are homeless. People walking for miles to work because they can’t afford transportation. People without heat or electricity or water – right here in our own country. What about people who are wiped out by hurricanes, fires or ill health who have no “emergency fund” or insurance. The “emergency fund” and buying insurance by the way, are just clever ploys to make us think financial difficulties are our fault (good luck trying to collect from insurance when you need it too). The real problem is low wages and the resulting debt load (how the F can you put money away for a ‘crisis’ or afford insurance, when you can’t put food on the table). How can your wages compete with runaway inflation (look at the cost of food, housing and transportation-out of control and caused by greed).

Totally disgusting that many states and provinces have blocked the increase of minimum wages. Corporations, governments and banks have enslaved the majority of the population with debt. Debt is no longer a symptom of overspending on luxuries, that was back in more prosperous days – now it is a necessity in order to survive.

For want of sometimes a very small sum of money, a person cannot go forward in life, or worse, loses what little they have. Even if the rich do help, they want pay back, with interest.

Gone are the days – long gone are the days, when if you just work hard enough, get more education or kiss the bosses ass, you’ll be a success. Now you have to kiss the bosses ass just to survive.

Many of us will have to keep on working long past the point where we are physically and mentally able. Probably many are at that point now.

My Mom always said, charity begins at home. And we have a big problem, right here at home.

The answer to poverty in our own room is just that. Charity begins at home. We can no longer turn to our governments or politicians for help as they are greedy and self serving (politicians are just wannabe rock stars and governments serve big corporations). No, it is happening in the hearts and minds of ordinary people.

People rally together to help those in need. When we are made aware, we take action. Look at the website Sunny Skyz and you will see all kinds of people doing all kinds of acts of kindness that make huge differences in peoples lives.

A pair of shoes. A blanket. Another chance at life.

We can no longer look up to the big wigs, the bosses, the politicians, the corporations, the uber rich. We have to do it ourselves – and we are. In even small ways, every day, we can change the world into a much better place.

Our governments and world leaders fail us. They are not interested in our welfare or the worlds. Most of our leaders are self serving or dictators. The more we realize this, the more we can fix things ourselves. Right here in our own rooms.

Posted on

Worry

I tend to go through phases of this, where I am intensely worried about stuff and then, what was I so upset about?

Like most people I suppose, I live a life of quiet desperation, keeping my worries to myself and being a mole, burying it underground so no one can see.

Sharing misery with others does not help the situation anyways. They’ll tell you you are worrying for nothing, or your fears are inflated. All the while, they have some deep seated fears, perhaps even the same fears they are being moles about.

The only cure for worry, like most things, is action. Not distraction necessarily, but confronting your fears head on.

What works for me is planning, though I hate planning or scheduling in near nauseating proportions.

If I have a clear idea what the problem is, then I can look for solutions, and several different plans to tackle it. If the thing I worry about comes to pass, I can put those initiatives into action.

Sometimes we don’t know what the problem is; we have a health issue but no diagnosis, we have a financial problem but we don’t know where the money is going, we have a relationship problem but don’t know why. So first the problem needs clarification, going for tests, tracking your money, communicating with your loved ones. It takes some research, some courage, and acceptance. No small feats to be sure. Once you know the problem, it makes it a whole lot easier to find solutions. However, you need a lot of solutions in order to find one that works for you.

Ugh, it all means work.

Or you can just needlessly worry, and let life take care of the problem for you. Sometimes you have to do that too. But, I am a fighter. I’ve been passive too but only on things I knew were hopeless, or not worth pursuing. Things I could not correct, only make worse by mucking around with it. It is good to let a lover go sometimes, or a job and look for the silver lining and new opportunities. Never easy, but certainly inevitable at some time in life.

I take great strength from people who have been through worse and survived, or better, thrived!

It does not mean things will go according to plan, but at least I will have thought about it and have some idea what to do. And if something comes out at me from left field, at least I know that in the past I have solved problems and knew what to do. It builds resilience.

And yet, I still worry. I lose sleep. I am human.

I think worry shows you the reality of life, that you cannot always control your destiny. But it only shows you the dark side of things. What if things improved immeasurably by something supposedly bad happening? I can tell you truthfully, this is often the case. Either what I worried about never came to pass, or in hindsight, it was the best thing to ever happen.

Posted on

To The Moon

A new condominium appears on the horizon, inching above the scores of other such dwellings in my hometown, soon to be an eyesore at 55 floors high, the tallest in our city, so far.  Appropriately named The Sky.

The first high rise came when I was just a teen.  With shaky legs my friends and I would venture to its roof to be wowed by the view.  At 24 floors high, this was dizzying to us bungalow dwellers.

My first apartment was at the nauseating height of two floors.  Still, I enjoyed seeing the tops of trees and bushes.  It was kind of interesting to look down on things.  Later, I moved half way up our high rise and this is far enough.  Gee whiz, I don’t even like flying, so to have my body many yards up off the ground as a living arrangement is a stretch.

However over time I appreciate things that land dwellers can’t.  Storms rolling in from miles away.  Beautiful sunsets across the hills.  Canada geese fly right by my balcony in the fall.  No bungalow dweller gets this!  And I have the best vantage to watch fireworks on notable holidays.

Yet, I look out and now see the ‘tower’ being built and realize it is about to set a precedent.  Eventually there will be so many my building will look like a bungalow!

As we move up I appreciate the sentiments of a construction worker who penned this on a new condo:

Posted on

Right At My Feet

When I first got inklings to write about joy I had no idea God would put me so thoroughly to the test.

However, the stiffer He has made my legs, the more joy I have found.  My sense of humour has returned.  I make jokes about myself because I am quite comical to watch.  And when you move at less than one mile per hour, you notice a lot of things.

There right at my feet, as I got off the bus, a shiny silver quarter (it took some doing to pick that up since I don’t bend!  Ah, the right motivation can accomplish great things.)  And next to it, struggling in a soil barren crack, a tiny plant tries to get a foothold. I spot a large purple daisy with a busy nectar finding bee.  A shadow of an overhead butterfly zig zags across the sidewalk,  challenging me to spot it.  I look up, and a rooftop seagull looks down at me.

I am amused by the smallest of things; a sparkly elevator floor, a workman’s footprints on our carpet, a fallen flower from my orchid.

Everything has become a photographic opportunity.

My existence like that episode of Star Trek (Wink of an Eye) where there are two versions of time. One is accelerated and buzzing around me like bees.  Fellow pedestrians zoom past me like mean flies, angry scowls on their faces.  I smile up at the sky.  I have become a simpleton.  I can no longer strive to do anything.  I no longer hurry to get anywhere.  No longer care about things of no interest to me.  Out of the rat race.

For a while I took a short hike into the badlands, got lost in myself and my problems, but today am returning to joy.

Life is a journey of inwards and outwards, like breathing.  For a spell I am self absorbed and ruminating, the next out in the sun with a friend talking about Trump.

Good and bad are options constantly available.  So look for and see the good, even when you’re in the midst of some heavy duty bad.  Some joy might be right at your feet!

Posted on

Too Smug

“So how long does it take you to get dressed in the morning?” my friend asked me today.

“About a half hour of struggle.” I reply.

“I guess you’re not finding your joy these mornings.”

A startling statement!  True.  In fact, all my concentration has been on my poor hurting legs and all the effort I must now put forth to function.  Made me realize how quickly I have abandoned my dreams.  Perhaps I was too naive to casually tell people to ‘just make a half hour’ for your dreams.  This is all fine when you are fit; mentally and physically able.  But what if you are not?  What if you have constant pain?  What if the simplest things are monumental struggles?

There can be some huge obstacles standing in your way.  When faced with overwhelming challenges, not all of us have the ability to pursue our dreams. 

To be sure life is not fair or even kind at times.  Circumstances will favour you and then stab you in the back.  External things you can’t control for long, if ever.  Internal things, like your emotions can wreak havoc, and you might not ever harness your internal world and make it work for you.

Yes, it is way too smug to say all those cliches.  Just go do it.  If you want it bad enough you will find a way.  Nothing can stop you and yada, yada.  It is not always true.  Life can stop you cold.

We read about people who have overcome incredible challenges and succeed, because they are a rarity.  I don’t think everyone else is lazy or deficient.  I think it is way more complicated than that. 

If you have a challenge one of two things can happen.  It’ll either turn you away from your dreams or drive you harder into them.  And which way you go is dependent on so many factors that are unique to you and your life story.

If you learn of others who achieved their dreams despite themselves, you will find many different ways this was accomplished.  Some had family support, friends, money.  Others have incredible mental fortitude.  Some had a life changing moment, or they just made a decision.  Synchronicity and luck play roles.  Some learned how to change, how to adapt, how to find creative solutions.  Technology aided them. No two people are alike, and what may be nothing to one may be a huge problem to another.

It is too glib to say “Just go do it”.  Too smug.

Because not everyone has the ability.  Those tired cliches can burn holes in a good persons soul and make them feel inadequate, deficient, unworthy.

I am sorry I may have contributed to that mindset.

Having said all this however, I remain an optimist.  Perhaps a challenged person cannot make their dreams come true by themselves, but a global community of creative thinkers and doers can find innovative solutions to make those dreams come true in unconventional ways.  So put your dreams out there and ask for help.  You never know who has the answer.

Posted on

Choose Life

She cornered me in the pharmacy and unleashed a long tale of woe.  She had legitimate problems, big problems, overwhelming problems!  When she finally came up for air, I posed the deadly question:

“So what solutions have you tried?”

She blinked twice, mouth agape.

“Pardon?”

Women don’t share to solve problems, we do it to bond.  We use negativity as an emotional bond.  We feel each others pain and commiserate.  This is an ugly side to negativity.  It disguises itself as friendship.

I had two friends that I met for coffee once a week.  Both of them had intense suffering in their lives, past and present.  Whenever I would try to steer the topic to even how beautiful the day is, I could not deflect the conversation for long.  I had to terminate those two friendships because I was gasping for air.

Some people label themselves with a negative.  They are their illness, past, addiction, habit, toxin.  They dismiss the good in themselves and their lives because a negative story is much more intense and interesting.  But after awhile, no one wants to hear it any more.

Negative can look positive.  You get a warm and fuzzy with your buddies after sharing your difficulties.  However, this escalates and becomes the focus of your friendships and will soon wear you out.  The more times you share a problem, the more negativity you will experience.

Negativity has to be fed, and boy, does it grow!

Toxic environments abound in offices, homes, relationships, businesses because negativity comes in so many disguises.  It looks legitimate.  It evokes a strong emotional reaction.  When emotions are high, people band together and feed the monster.  A strong emotion makes you think it is a correct way to feel and you are justified to act on it.

Or not.

The other sneaky thing about negativity, it goes hand in hand with procrastination.  It evokes anger and fear, which either causes you to take action (YAY!) or more often, despair.  In the face of overwhelming problems it can cause hopelessness and helplessness.  Not only does this feel legitimate, because, after all, how can one person solve all this, you are stopped dead.

I think Albert Einstein said a negative person finds a problem for every solution. Killer of hopes, dreams and aspirations it paralyzes you from taking any kind of step forward, because, hey, what’s the use?

Negativity also disguises itself as power. A person spewing toxins can have a false sense of being in control and powerful.  A negative person is a fearful person hiding it. They conceal the fact they do nothing.  Perhaps they either are unwilling or unable to, but being very knowledgeable and talking about problems makes them look good, like they are doing something.  A constant diet of books, documentaries and conversations about bad stuff weakens you, and everyone will suffer. Dwelling constantly on bad things demoralizes and poisons everyone you meet.  You may be an authority on your problem or the worlds problems, but you take no action other than to deflate everyone else.

Negative is not any more real than positive.  Pessimism is not more realistic than optimism.  Our lives and world consist of both tears and joy.  You get to choose which to focus on. 

Joy however, is strength.  It has many faces; beauty, creativity, inspiration, miracles, kindness, gratitude, and any other good thing you can think of.  It is found in nature.  It is found in the wondrous things man has created. When you focus on joy, you will be strong.  In the face of a crisis you will look for the good, the flower in the prison yard.  More good will come to you, because you are open to it.  You will take action.  You will have courage.  You will do.

So next time you are tempted down the path of negativity, stop and look at the beauty of the world.  The good in the world, in your own life.

God said “. . . I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both thou and thy seed may live . . .”  Deuteronomy 30:19