Category: Joy

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Getting Unstuck

I don’t like to make new years resolutions as I will quickly abandon my best intentions and then feel like a failure. Who needs that? I have plenty of opportunities to feel like a failure in my normal every day life. Mostly because I am doing a whole lot of shit I don’t like doing. New Years resolutions don’t usually involve fun, and that is why they don’t work. I already have enough of not fun in my life.

I suspect that many others have a lot of not fun too.

That is why so many determine to change their lives at this time of year.

But boy, life can sure try to keep you where you are at.

Why is that?

Despite our longing to be free, our supreme desire to be different, our yearning to follow our passions, we fail to get a breakthrough. It isn’t for lack of persistent trying. Many have pushed and pushed and come up empty. We never hear about the failures, only the success stories. I think hearing only one side of the equation makes people feel very very bad and sets them up for unrealistic expectations.

But I am definitely not saying don’t try, to give up before you even start, because you might be one of those success stories. At the very least, you will have learned something and got some valuable experiences. It is sad however, that most of us never get the lasting changes, the highs we want.

I know I often talk about failures, only because I think to fail is more realistic an outlook than success.

I do know that even when you do try, you still have regrets. I hate it when people say to me “Well, at least you tried. At least you did it”, implying that having just pursued a dream is good enough. It is not. Anyone who has pursued their dreams and failed know this. You still have regrets, maybe even more regrets because you failed. Your dreams are a big part of who you are, so they leave deep wounds. It touches your identity. It can make you lose hope.

The best advice I can give myself is to look for joy. Joy can be found anywhere in most everything. It can be extremely small and yet fill your heart with warmth. It may not change your world, but it will change the moment. If you can find joy in the moments it can help get you through all the rest of the shit you must endure to stay alive.

Getting unstuck from bad situations can take a long time, and I think we get disheartened because it takes so long. We are quick fix creatures, so we need a lot of Zen to make things happen.

I think you need to know what it is that you really want. Not the external stuff like houses, cars, money. But the inside deal – freedom, peace, love, that kind of stuff. If you know what it is you truly want, then maybe you can match your experiences to that, and find it, and keep it and change your world.

So don’t set any resolutions. Just try new stuff, new experiences and look for joy and endure another year. Maybe you are closer to success than you realize.

At least, that is what I keep telling myself.

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Track Your Package

7:31 a.m. Package out for delivery.

YAY!

Look at all you can get done waiting for your package to arrive!

Let’s see:

Washed all the dishes. Made the bed. Read an entire book. Did some of my art work. Cleaned the bathroom. Did my laundry. Played with the cat. Wrote some on my stories. Read some magazines. Stared out the window. Talked to the cat. Read some more. Dusted some ornaments. Straightened my desk. Ate some junk. Played with cat again. Cat talked to me. Vacuumed a bit. Ate some more junk. Did some exercises. Checked on my package, no further developments. Made supper. Ate supper. Hmm. Past 5 p.m. Checked package updates.

Delivered!

Sorry? What?!

I’ve been home all day! No one came.

Spent next day trying to get parcel.

But I got a lot done.

Got parcel next day.

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3 Books

This is a very dangerous time, and most people are oblivious.

There are 3 books you should read, and soon.

1984 by George Orwell. Farenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury. Brave New World by Aldous Huxley.

Oh yeah, depressing books for Christmas reading, but our society is on the brink of becoming a mix of these futuristic scenarios. Democracy is on the verge of becoming a dictatorship.

Think not?

I think you’d better start paying attention to what is going on in the world, and at home. I mean, really paying attention – that is THINKING. Thinking means analyzing what you are hearing, reading and seeing. Too many are just parroting back what others tell them. Tsk. Tsk. You shall pay big for this. You will lose your freedom of movement, of speech, of being.

Check out people like John Oliver, Bill Maher, Stephen Colbert, Jimmy Kimmel, Seth Meyers, and their commentaries on the state of our leaders and world on youtube. You will laugh, you will cry, you might actually pay attention and think and see the truth and not be caught up in the flow of magic thinking.

You know how I feel about magic thinking, aka, New Age hocus pocus. An excellent book on how we got into this lame brain wishful thinking, and how it has resulted in Trump, is a book by Gary Lachman, Dark Star Rising.

You can never read enough. The people who need to read, do not, the people who need to be informed are not. People are walking around with what I call non-opinions. They don’t know why they think or feel like they do. They just say what someone else has told them. They accept everything at face value. This is the stuff of immature, juvenile minds, who cannot think and analyze for themselves. Time to grow up. Our leaders are imbeciles, dangerous juvenile delinquents. If we don’t smarten up ourselves, it will not matter any more. We will live under a dictatorship where we are told what to think and do – or die. These are harsh words at Christmas, but I am fed up with seeing people blinded by charismatic leaders who talk absolute gibberish bullshit. Leaders whose only goal is world dominance and to line their own pockets and establish an empire. This is dictatorship and it is ugly, savage and corrupt. It will destroy everything and everyone you know and love.

Dictators will sacrifice your life for themselves. They kill any perceived traitor, even their own families. Haven’t you already heard and seen veiled threats, the speeches that incite violence against fellow human beings, against creatures, against the environment, and ultimately, the world? Their finger is always on the trigger and they make others do their dirty work. How many people take the fall for their crimes? They rewrite history. They invent non existing things and scenarios. They proclaim their own brilliance. All for their own glory! They don’t give a rats ass about anyone else. They just want to look fabulous! They slander and smear everyone else, but even the tiniest criticism of them results in a huge revengeful backlash. Everyone is silenced. There is no truth or justice. They commit horrendous crimes and no one can question it. Dictators are not accountable to anyone or anything. They are above any and all laws.

Think this couldn’t happen here? It is happening!

How does this way compare to what you normally think of as being a democracy? What does freedom mean to you? To society?

Tune into the wise men of youtube and hear what they have to say.

I strongly suggest you watch John Oliver explain to you how dictators fool you with words; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ZAPwfrtAFY You will learn about the 3 tricks; delegitimizing the media, whataboutism and trolling.

I hope watching this will encourage you to check out more. Yes, they say it like it is – with profanity at times, but we need these wake up calls.

Like Bill Maher on illiteracy https://video.search.yahoo.com/search/video?fr=mcafee&p=bill+maher+youtube#id=124&vid=6206a6f3adde32bd26ce5d7abb8d68fb&action=view

This is my plea to you, this Christmas and New Years. Make a New Years resolution to think. Make your own opinions. Check out the opinions and thoughts of others. Read. Watch. Research. Make informed decisions. All of our lives depend on it.

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Magazine Subscriptions

There is something about a printed page, holding a book or magazine in your hands and turning the pages, that is magical. That is why I am surrounded by books and magazines most of the time.

I have several magazine subscriptions and I usually read them cover to cover.

There is just one thing that is slightly annoying, that I have been bothered by for decades but never mentioned.

It is this:

Every 4 or so months I get this, a notice of urgency, that my subscription is about to expire and I need to renew, which is clearly not the case (I circled the expiry date). I signed up at the time for a 2 year subscription, and I keep track of this for a good reason. They are hoping I forget and send them more money, which I have to admit, I did in the past, and I might add, the new renewal date did not reflect the additional money I sent. It was not moved forward.

The expiry date is there, but if you are rushed, or enthused by how much you will save today, (in the above case it was the unbelievable amount of $251.75 so I’d only have to pay $17.95), you’d gleefully send them another cheque. It is easy to lose track of your subscriptions.

I know, a very petty thing to be annoyed with, but it is my Blog!

On a happier note, I just published another photobook to usher in winter. Very unusual for me to celebrate cold weather. Enjoy!

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Christmas Spirit

It started happening a couple of weeks ago, that feeling of joy in the air. People are becoming more friendly, grateful and cheerful. Ah, the Christmas spirit. No one is immune to it.

A heaviness is lifted, scowls are turned to smiles, impatience with enduring, and forgiveness instead of fault finding.

After a year of our leaders nit picking, outrageous crimes and blatant lies, and worst of all name calling, smear campaigns and all sorts of juvenile, reprehensible, disgusting, vile behaviour, the Christmas spirit is a most welcome reprieve.

I was most impressed with Tom Hanks starting a trend of tweeting good things said, I hope that continues. We need to have fresh air. The antics of our leaders have made everything stale and most foul. I am heartily tired of it.

It seems as if avarice has infiltrated every sector of society. I am so disheartened to learn just how far these tentacles have reached, into everything and anything that might make someone rich, famous and powerful. I am sickened that many support this, especially women. Ugh.

I have nothing against being rich, famous and powerful – only the means by which this is attained, and the aftermath of it, how it is used. From what I’ve seen, I’m not greatly encouraged. Not more cars, telephones and f’in rocketship space junk puhleese!

However, Christmas is coming and with it, the joy I see in peoples faces. The weariness of day to day living is lifting and we are remembering what life should be all about.

As an aside, I am also very happy to see a resurgence of the craft industry, people making things, taking up knitting and stuff. Seeing people make things that have value and meaning and are fun! I was excited to see that toy trains are experiencing a renewal.

As I am rambling in this blog (and it is my blog to ramble in) what I would absolutely love to have is my own workshop, replete with lathes, drill press, scroll saw and lots of tools so I can make stuff like I used to in my Dad’s workshop.

I guess at Christmas I revert back to my childhood when life was a whole lot more creative and fun than it is now.

But, I have the Christmas spirit and I am happy.

Bring on the fruit cake, yule logs, shortbread cookies and lots of smiles!

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Cure the Introvert

I am an introvert. Can you please just leave me alone about it?!

Stop trying to make me an extrovert.

The latest is, us introverts ‘suffer’ from social anxiety disorder. Puh-leese!

First of all, I abhor labels. Labels belong on products like carrots, hairspray and toilet paper. Human beings are so much more than a character trait, and we can change hourly. One minute we are a snivelling, wretched mess, the next superman/woman. I refuse to be identified by a singular characteristic. What makes extroverts normal and healthy and the rest of us dysfunctional? It is bullshit.

Animals are sometimes solitary (and aggressively defend such times) and other times social. Feral cats spend evenings with their buddies, the day is mostly on their own. I watch seagulls who quite happily fly around all day where ever they please and then also quite happily congregate in huge numbers for an afternoon siesta. Animals choose how they spend their time and who with. We are no different.

Sometimes I am an extrovert, I like to socialize, the difference being, I can only do short periods of it, not 3 days of constant partying. I spend 90% of my time alone. So whereas my periods of socializing are anywhere from a few minutes to a couple of hours a few times a month, extroverts have the opposite schedule.

The differences between us are a matter of scale and preference. Neither is wrong or right, we are just different.

Calling introversion a social anxiety disorder puts an urgency on a trait that is quite normal for a great deal of people, and sets in motion the idea that we need to be treated and cured. It is NOT a disorder. We are NOT sick. Stop it!

Instead of beating us up, why not focus on our strengths, cut us some slack (i.e. stop making us go to office parties, do presentations, schmooze, share office space and the like). Let us decide if we want to participate. Making us be you is bullying.

You cannot change us. My Mother (God rest) tried to convert me into a social butterfly princess and caused me intense suffering, along with many well meaning work places and people who knew what was best for me.

So accept the fact introverts like to be alone most of the time. There is nothing to cure.

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Asleep But Still Functioning

I know that what I am about to write about is rather obvious to most of you, but for me it is novel. I equate it to having been unconscious and still functioning, walking around asleep but managing, and not being much aware of it.

Let me explain. For 2+ years I have been ill. I developed a condition that decreased my physical mobility to that of those lumbering ancient tortoises you see on the Galapagos Islands. While acutely aware of my new physical limitations, I was unaware of how much this was affecting my mental abilities. Not just my mood, but my perception and ability to do things, especially the mundane, so called easy tasks.

I noticed this as I folded my laundry this morning. For the first time in what seems forever, doing laundry seemed to go much faster and all my towels etc. were neatly folded. I marveled at the straight uniform folded pile of towels and how easy that went. A simple task that I struggled with, not just because my limbs were tired and hurting, but I was not able mentally to fold anything straight.

Perhaps this sounds ridiculous, I guess it does. As time goes by and I get better (thanks to big pharma), I am noticing how much trouble I had with mundane tasks for the past two years. Of course I was aware of how much trouble the big things were, like getting on and off a bus, sitting on low seats (ahem, toilets) and then trying to get back up, carrying groceries, even pouring a cup of tea! Physical things were exhausting and difficult to execute, even just standing for a short period of time was depleting. And managing a cane while trying to do all this was enlightening. All this gave me a new outlook and empathy for others similarly struggling.

But what I missed seeing was the mental struggle. Being depressed and moody was understandable. But losing some mental ability was startling. I was not thinking straight. My perception of the world was skewed. It was not a huge difference, perhaps not even noticed by others (or they were polite!), but now I am thinking like I used to, before this condition, without ever realizing I had stopped thinking like I used to. Very strange.

As I said before, we are very much chemical beings. The chemistry of our bodies and minds quite often determine our behaviour, thoughts and actions, and we are unaware.

I liken my experience to being sleep deprived. You think you are okay, but you are not. You do not realize how out of it you are until either someone points it out, or you discover it yourself as a blatant mistake you made in judgement and reasoning or in performing a task, much after the fact.

At any rate, I am back to being my very happy old self! I certainly missed her!

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Talk is Cheap

I’ve been watching Trump and company for some time now, all the high crimes and misdemeanors, and have decided to go on a Trump free diet.

The realm of politics is one of pure evil, where all manner of crimes go unpunished. Corruption is the norm. Politics attracts criminals because it is a safe haven for them. They can commit all kinds of atrocities and never face justice. Politics is immoral and indecent, the devils own playground.

In the ordinary world, a person commits a crime, is arrested and goes to jail. I have never seen a politician arrested, do time or even been handcuffed. And their crimes way outstrip that of most of the populace. In the normal world there is protocol, accountability, manners, a code of conduct and decency that we try to follow. There is at least a sense of fairness and justice in our day to day interactions with others. We know how to be civilized. Could any of us do any of the things Trump does so blatantly without recourse? Would we even want to? No way!

Politics enables the psychopaths, egomaniacs, narcissists, and the psychotic to wreak havoc without consequence. Their crimes range from verbal abuse all the way to genocide and they never do time, they don’t even pay a fine. They are allowed, even enabled, to give free rein to their severe personality disorders. Such a person would not last long in normal society. In politics, they are there forever.

Crimes in politics just goes on and on and on without any resolution. Endless investigations and talk, talk, talk. Talk is cheap. I have no tolerance for unfinished business. What is there to investigate, to debate? It is right there in our faces. But . . .

The rules of my normal world don’t apply to politics and therefore I cannot hope that good will triumph over evil. Politics disheartens the good and instills hopelessness. Who needs that?

I want my head to be where there is hope and peace. The place where ordinary people do extraordinary things. The smallest acts of kindness are a million times more grand than the endless spewing of meaningless promises coming from any politicians mouth.

The real doers of this world get my vote – the person who frees a bird from a fishing net, who rescues an animal in distress. Who gives a hungry person a meal, a homeless person a pair of shoes. The people out there cleaning up the oceans and landscapes. The ones rolling up their sleeves and doing the work and we see results of their labour.

There are enough mini psychopaths and tyrants in my own normal world, thank you very much, that I have to deal with. Fortunately, in my realm, good outstrips evil most of the time, and these people are kept in check. Good outweighs evil and that is the only place I want to live.

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Mean

When did we become so mean spirited? Why?

I watched with disgust as President Trump mocked 2 lovers at a recent rally he had, it was most unpleasant to witness a leader stoop so incredibly low. Does he think it makes him look better to belittle, judge, humiliate, mock others?

Leaders are adopting bullying, a juvenile, dangerous and utterly destructive form of leadership. Have you ever been bullied at school? At work? It is a most effective strategy is it not? If you are the bully, you have power over others, you rule the school yard, the office. Bullies don’t care what the cost is, they only want power and to destroy. They are totally self interested and they feed on fear.

Our leaders display the most despicable behaviours when they should be examples of grace, acceptance, manners, diplomacy. Instead they bully, blatantly lie and smear others with hateful commentary. They go to extreme lengths to discredit a fellow human being, engaging others in the quest and ignore their own faults and crimes. They are totally self absorbed. People mistake this as confidence and worship them. Such blind loyalty to a flawed human being is going to cost you. Everyone eventually falls around them, while they are still standing. Is this what we want our children to emulate?

Though I see this at a high level of leadership, I also see the ordinary person be extraordinary and rebel against this hate. Rejecting the us and them mentality that causes so much strife and violence. A leader is one person. We are many. We can quietly do good and change the world. Every small act of good can wipe out tons of bad. By living right we demonstrate what greatness is. We owe it to our children to show them the proper way to live.

The world is, like it or not people, a global community. If you look at history, we have always been striving to be so, eager to cross lines to trade and share, always on the move, restless to encounter others. The boundaries that once separated us are disintegrating, thanks to our ability to rapidly communicate and travel anywhere in the world. This is good and necessary because we all occupy the same, one, small little blue planet, alone in a huge and hostile universe. It is amazing we could think otherwise. The world is a closed ecosystem, what happens in one place spreads out everywhere. No, not even walls can hold back the jet stream, the ocean currents, tectonic plate movements!

Imagine if we all decided to clean up the pollution, end poverty, treat each other with respect and love. If we all worked together to fix our global griefs.

As long as we focus on our differences, openly mock and scorn others, keep our narrow mindedness and hard opinions, we are on a fast track to destruction.

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Help!

Lucky for me, I finally have a diagnosis and treatment for a condition I’ve been suffering for 2 years! I am very happy to be getting well, at last. However. . .

If you have ever been diagnosed with something, and chances are you have if you are human and alive, you have no doubt experienced a plethora of advice and horror stories that can greatly diminish any optimism you might have held.

It is the horror stories that are the worst. Advice I can ignore.

A floodgate of terror is opened when you tell someone you’ve got something. You’ll hear about how their uncles best friend got it and suffered and was never the same, died a horrible death and left his family destitute. It will always be a story that even the best fiction writers couldn’t dream up.

Sympathy? My employer asked me if I had a list of all the job sites to advertise my job, just in case they have to do without me.

Excuse me?

The best thing ever said to me, many years ago when I was very upset about an illness was, “I am so sorry you are going through this, if there is anything I can do, please let me know”.

Thank you kind and wise co-worker Judy B!

It is a phrase I have tried to adopt when faced with another’s pain.

I realize we don’t know what to say or do in terrible circumstances, but I do think the best things we can do is listen and offer to help.