Category: Employment

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Lost and Found

I recently heard a story about a man who was only 6 months away from becoming a surgeon, when he discovered his true calling, woodworking, and completely abandoned his studies.

I also knew a young woman who had many scholarships to study biochemistry, but gave it all up to pursue dance.

These people are very brave, and very lucky.

And now, very happy.

Once you embark on a career, especially as a professional, you can become locked in it, and escape is virtually impossible.

I envy these people their courage to follow their hearts.

I wish I had of. I could have been creating stuff instead of enduring decades of misery and drudgery.

Money is not what you should chase. It is yourself you should pursue.

Being locked into a life that is less than inspiring is a loss for everyone.

Pursue your dreams. F the money. F the naysayers. F the people who think they know what is best for you. F the people in charge of you. Live your life.

If you are lost, then I hope with all my heart, you find yourself soon.

Try lots of things, you never know what is just around the corner.

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Getting Unstuck

I don’t like to make new years resolutions as I will quickly abandon my best intentions and then feel like a failure. Who needs that? I have plenty of opportunities to feel like a failure in my normal every day life. Mostly because I am doing a whole lot of shit I don’t like doing. New Years resolutions don’t usually involve fun, and that is why they don’t work. I already have enough of not fun in my life.

I suspect that many others have a lot of not fun too.

That is why so many determine to change their lives at this time of year.

But boy, life can sure try to keep you where you are at.

Why is that?

Despite our longing to be free, our supreme desire to be different, our yearning to follow our passions, we fail to get a breakthrough. It isn’t for lack of persistent trying. Many have pushed and pushed and come up empty. We never hear about the failures, only the success stories. I think hearing only one side of the equation makes people feel very very bad and sets them up for unrealistic expectations.

But I am definitely not saying don’t try, to give up before you even start, because you might be one of those success stories. At the very least, you will have learned something and got some valuable experiences. It is sad however, that most of us never get the lasting changes, the highs we want.

I know I often talk about failures, only because I think to fail is more realistic an outlook than success.

I do know that even when you do try, you still have regrets. I hate it when people say to me “Well, at least you tried. At least you did it”, implying that having just pursued a dream is good enough. It is not. Anyone who has pursued their dreams and failed know this. You still have regrets, maybe even more regrets because you failed. Your dreams are a big part of who you are, so they leave deep wounds. It touches your identity. It can make you lose hope.

The best advice I can give myself is to look for joy. Joy can be found anywhere in most everything. It can be extremely small and yet fill your heart with warmth. It may not change your world, but it will change the moment. If you can find joy in the moments it can help get you through all the rest of the shit you must endure to stay alive.

Getting unstuck from bad situations can take a long time, and I think we get disheartened because it takes so long. We are quick fix creatures, so we need a lot of Zen to make things happen.

I think you need to know what it is that you really want. Not the external stuff like houses, cars, money. But the inside deal – freedom, peace, love, that kind of stuff. If you know what it is you truly want, then maybe you can match your experiences to that, and find it, and keep it and change your world.

So don’t set any resolutions. Just try new stuff, new experiences and look for joy and endure another year. Maybe you are closer to success than you realize.

At least, that is what I keep telling myself.

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70 is NOT the new 65

Anyone who says 70 is the new 65 is not even close to being 65 yet.

My health started to give me attitude in my late 50’s despite me being athletic, active, eating healthy and all the rest.

It is called aging.

I think we are developing a dangerous skewered view of aging that is similar to the warped view of entrepreneurship when you are old.

The media highlights the success stories, which gives us the idea that all you need to do is work at it and you can stay healthy and young forever.

I agree that ‘working at it’ increases the odds in your favor to be healthy as you grow older, but it is not a guarantee. Yes, you should do all you can – but when you get older, your body WILL have other ideas, no matter what you do. It slows down, it loses ability and agility, it gets ill, it dies. I have seen so many people in denial about this who torture themselves to cheat death.

Society has bought into this New Age crap about mind over matter, positive thinking and all that shit, and it is causing us to be more youth orientated than ever. We have a very flippant and unforgiving attitude towards aging that is doing serious harm to the elderly.

It is an unfortunate lie to presume that aging is all in your head – that it is just a number. It is not. Your body wears out. You cannot do what you could at 20, 30 or even 40.

Look at the real world, how many seniors can you truthfully say are younger in body than in age? We only hear about the exceptions, the ones who defy aging – they are in the minority. The truth is not so rosy.

The dangerous part of this thinking is that it could set in motion policies designed to cut out or delay necessary help for the aged, namely medicare, pensions, government assistance. Saying that 70 is the new 65 implies that all seniors are able to keep on working and take care of themselves, this is so far, far from the truth.

Equally so is the fallacy that when you are old you can just start over when you are cast out of your job and deemed redundant. Many do not have the resources to do this, nor the energy or health. It costs a lot of money, time and energy to start your own gig, and if it fails, like most of them do, seniors have no way of recovering what they have lost. Even to keep working 8 hours or more a day, 5 days a week takes a hell of a toll on an older person. They can’t keep it up.

The truth about aging is this: Our bodies deteriorate, no matter what. We cannot do as much as we used to. Our ability to recover from loss; mentally, physically, financially is almost ZERO.

Before I got sick, I used to think the same way, that aging was all in your head. That I could keep on forever working hard, playing hard and doing whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. But it is a lie.

Aging is not a disease. It is not something you can outsmart, overcome or out do. And you will need help, of some kind, in your later years because you cannot function as you did when you were younger.

My Mother always warned me that I should save enough money because I will get tired. Of course I did not believe her. And anyone in good health younger than 60 reading this will not believe her either. Nowadays you could never save enough money anyways.

Take a good look at those older folks who are celebrities, or successful. Are they doing it on their own? NO. They have staff that does a lot of things for them, that is how they can stay active doing what they love. When they get sick, they get instant attention and the best care. Do most seniors have that luxury?

My Mother got to live in her own place well into her nineties, but this was not because her body was healthy like a 40 year old. It was because she had an awful lot of help. This is reality. Ask anyone who is currently taking care of an aging relative.

It is not right or fair to ask or expect an older person to continue doing what they did when younger. We must ensure that our aging population is taken care of. It is not their fault that they get old, sick and die. It is mother nature.

So stop waving the flag that 70 is the new 65. It is total bullshit.

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3 Books

This is a very dangerous time, and most people are oblivious.

There are 3 books you should read, and soon.

1984 by George Orwell. Farenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury. Brave New World by Aldous Huxley.

Oh yeah, depressing books for Christmas reading, but our society is on the brink of becoming a mix of these futuristic scenarios. Democracy is on the verge of becoming a dictatorship.

Think not?

I think you’d better start paying attention to what is going on in the world, and at home. I mean, really paying attention – that is THINKING. Thinking means analyzing what you are hearing, reading and seeing. Too many are just parroting back what others tell them. Tsk. Tsk. You shall pay big for this. You will lose your freedom of movement, of speech, of being.

Check out people like John Oliver, Bill Maher, Stephen Colbert, Jimmy Kimmel, Seth Meyers, and their commentaries on the state of our leaders and world on youtube. You will laugh, you will cry, you might actually pay attention and think and see the truth and not be caught up in the flow of magic thinking.

You know how I feel about magic thinking, aka, New Age hocus pocus. An excellent book on how we got into this lame brain wishful thinking, and how it has resulted in Trump, is a book by Gary Lachman, Dark Star Rising.

You can never read enough. The people who need to read, do not, the people who need to be informed are not. People are walking around with what I call non-opinions. They don’t know why they think or feel like they do. They just say what someone else has told them. They accept everything at face value. This is the stuff of immature, juvenile minds, who cannot think and analyze for themselves. Time to grow up. Our leaders are imbeciles, dangerous juvenile delinquents. If we don’t smarten up ourselves, it will not matter any more. We will live under a dictatorship where we are told what to think and do – or die. These are harsh words at Christmas, but I am fed up with seeing people blinded by charismatic leaders who talk absolute gibberish bullshit. Leaders whose only goal is world dominance and to line their own pockets and establish an empire. This is dictatorship and it is ugly, savage and corrupt. It will destroy everything and everyone you know and love.

Dictators will sacrifice your life for themselves. They kill any perceived traitor, even their own families. Haven’t you already heard and seen veiled threats, the speeches that incite violence against fellow human beings, against creatures, against the environment, and ultimately, the world? Their finger is always on the trigger and they make others do their dirty work. How many people take the fall for their crimes? They rewrite history. They invent non existing things and scenarios. They proclaim their own brilliance. All for their own glory! They don’t give a rats ass about anyone else. They just want to look fabulous! They slander and smear everyone else, but even the tiniest criticism of them results in a huge revengeful backlash. Everyone is silenced. There is no truth or justice. They commit horrendous crimes and no one can question it. Dictators are not accountable to anyone or anything. They are above any and all laws.

Think this couldn’t happen here? It is happening!

How does this way compare to what you normally think of as being a democracy? What does freedom mean to you? To society?

Tune into the wise men of youtube and hear what they have to say.

I strongly suggest you watch John Oliver explain to you how dictators fool you with words; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ZAPwfrtAFY You will learn about the 3 tricks; delegitimizing the media, whataboutism and trolling.

I hope watching this will encourage you to check out more. Yes, they say it like it is – with profanity at times, but we need these wake up calls.

Like Bill Maher on illiteracy https://video.search.yahoo.com/search/video?fr=mcafee&p=bill+maher+youtube#id=124&vid=6206a6f3adde32bd26ce5d7abb8d68fb&action=view

This is my plea to you, this Christmas and New Years. Make a New Years resolution to think. Make your own opinions. Check out the opinions and thoughts of others. Read. Watch. Research. Make informed decisions. All of our lives depend on it.

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Cure the Introvert

I am an introvert. Can you please just leave me alone about it?!

Stop trying to make me an extrovert.

The latest is, us introverts ‘suffer’ from social anxiety disorder. Puh-leese!

First of all, I abhor labels. Labels belong on products like carrots, hairspray and toilet paper. Human beings are so much more than a character trait, and we can change hourly. One minute we are a snivelling, wretched mess, the next superman/woman. I refuse to be identified by a singular characteristic. What makes extroverts normal and healthy and the rest of us dysfunctional? It is bullshit.

Animals are sometimes solitary (and aggressively defend such times) and other times social. Feral cats spend evenings with their buddies, the day is mostly on their own. I watch seagulls who quite happily fly around all day where ever they please and then also quite happily congregate in huge numbers for an afternoon siesta. Animals choose how they spend their time and who with. We are no different.

Sometimes I am an extrovert, I like to socialize, the difference being, I can only do short periods of it, not 3 days of constant partying. I spend 90% of my time alone. So whereas my periods of socializing are anywhere from a few minutes to a couple of hours a few times a month, extroverts have the opposite schedule.

The differences between us are a matter of scale and preference. Neither is wrong or right, we are just different.

Calling introversion a social anxiety disorder puts an urgency on a trait that is quite normal for a great deal of people, and sets in motion the idea that we need to be treated and cured. It is NOT a disorder. We are NOT sick. Stop it!

Instead of beating us up, why not focus on our strengths, cut us some slack (i.e. stop making us go to office parties, do presentations, schmooze, share office space and the like). Let us decide if we want to participate. Making us be you is bullying.

You cannot change us. My Mother (God rest) tried to convert me into a social butterfly princess and caused me intense suffering, along with many well meaning work places and people who knew what was best for me.

So accept the fact introverts like to be alone most of the time. There is nothing to cure.

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Help!

Lucky for me, I finally have a diagnosis and treatment for a condition I’ve been suffering for 2 years! I am very happy to be getting well, at last. However. . .

If you have ever been diagnosed with something, and chances are you have if you are human and alive, you have no doubt experienced a plethora of advice and horror stories that can greatly diminish any optimism you might have held.

It is the horror stories that are the worst. Advice I can ignore.

A floodgate of terror is opened when you tell someone you’ve got something. You’ll hear about how their uncles best friend got it and suffered and was never the same, died a horrible death and left his family destitute. It will always be a story that even the best fiction writers couldn’t dream up.

Sympathy? My employer asked me if I had a list of all the job sites to advertise my job, just in case they have to do without me.

Excuse me?

The best thing ever said to me, many years ago when I was very upset about an illness was, “I am so sorry you are going through this, if there is anything I can do, please let me know”.

Thank you kind and wise co-worker Judy B!

It is a phrase I have tried to adopt when faced with another’s pain.

I realize we don’t know what to say or do in terrible circumstances, but I do think the best things we can do is listen and offer to help.

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Free With a Price

I guess I must be strange, but when I go to a seminar, I actually want to hear what the speaker has to say.

I recently went to a free seminar on improving your retirement income. As a low income person, to have the opportunity to receive free financial advice from a seasoned professional is a blessing.

But as usual, that sentiment is not shared by many in an audience.

The man next to me loudly announced to a woman, who made the mistake of trying to chit chat to him about the topic before the talk started, that he had no intention or need to retire, that he LOVES what he does. So why are you here? To annoy everyone else I soon found out. He huffed and puffed, clicked his pen constantly throughout the talk, threw the free handouts we got on the chair next to him and sat defiantly with arms crossed.

There were many interruptions and of course, the self proclaimed experts in the audience that took liberties to answer questions for the speaker.

Sigh.

There are so few seminars I have gone to where no one is on their own agenda and respect the speaker and reserve their questions and thoughts until the end of the talk.

However, I did learn a few things, mostly that when it comes to financial advice, you really need a custom made plan as everyone’s life situation is different. And you need to get several opinions and ultimately, make your own plan. The people who could benefit the most are the low income persons, who can’t afford a financial adviser. However, there are free seminars!

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Plants

“It’s a jungle in here!”

I smiled, yes I do like plants. I signed the courier form and handed it back to him. The delivery man took a step back, then leaned forward, “I really like your apartment, I love plants!”

At the time I had a lot more plants than now, I was younger then. Over the years I’ve gradually reduced the number of my green friends, but I still couldn’t imagine not having any.

I’ve always had a dim view of people who do not like plants or animals. I like to surround myself with life.

My working and living spaces have always been like greenhouses. Plants are my meditation. Whenever I need a break I just sit and look at them. They are so still and yet so alive.

Unfortunately, once I was forced to get rid of all my plants at an office when a new Executive Director arrived. She also had our beautiful rooftop garden destroyed that volunteers and staff so lovingly tended. What kind of person does this? It broke a lot of hearts.

Of course my cat also likes plants, but for different reasons. He does fancy himself to be a jungle cat and hides in the foliage. What can be closer to heaven than sleeping in the dappled sunlight among plants and flowers, or nibbling on some fresh shoots of grass?

I need not get scientific to expound all the benefits of having plants in your environment. There is plenty of literature on that. For me, the benefit is joy. And joy is the only thing worth having.

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On Hold

Bruce Lee said “Choose a path with heart.” Very wise.

I recently read a book by a well meaning person, on how to become a millionaire by the time you are 30 or so, and then pursue your dreams. This sounds feasible to a young mind when you are healthy and energetic. Oh, but how quickly life can snatch away your life and abilities. At any age.

I suppose if you don’t have a passion or an interest, then by all means, go for the money. Just do good with it however.

Though I don’t disagree that life is not so great when you lack money, I do disagree with putting your passions on hold, or watering them down until you are rich enough to do them full time.

For one thing, there is no guarantee in life that you will live long, be able or be rich, no matter what you do.

For another, one persons get rich methods don’t always work for others. There is no one solution that fits all. And luck always plays a role in what happens. Always.

You should pursue your dreams when you are young. This is when you are most physically and mentally able and hopefully have many years ahead of you to learn, grow, perfect your craft, and evolve into other new and exciting passions. It is so much easier to do this when you are young and fresh. It makes life an adventure and a whole lot more interesting.

Some careers cannot be put on hold. You cannot become a surgeon after you are 35, and you certainly can’t pursue that part time.

I would never ever tell someone to pursue a meaningless, boring, soul sucking career just to maybe be rich enough to quit it by middle age. UGH. Are you kidding me?

You cannot determine what you want to do with your life based on money alone. We are already in a crisis with passionless people who did just this and are now our non compassionate doctors, greedy seedy lawyers and the lot.

Imagine if everyone quit their jobs at 35 and just sat around. Is this even feasible?

Or if people only did careers that brought them the best bang for their tuition.

When people enjoy their jobs, they enjoy their life and make the world a happier place. Have you ever dealt with someone who hated their job – like a surly waitress, and unkind clerk, an uncaring receptionist, a non helpful manager?

I am not saying being rich is bad. Never. I would like to be rich! But I want to be doing something I love, something that is honest, true to me, so I am happy. When I am happy, automatically I benefit the world.

Don’t put your life on hold. Life can be way too short – or way too long – before you do what you want.

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Two Holidays

As I get close to my annual holidays I feel like an old ship that has been out to sea a very long time and has been battling hurricanes non stop. Now without any power left, I coast into shore with only the currents and wind to guide me.

Every year the distance between annual holidays seems to get farther, longer, and a lot more painful.

To think, the younger version of myself often skipped annual vacations and took the pay instead!

We have just passed the first day of summer and now I long to be sitting in the long grass, watching the bugs and birds and whatever. Summer days can be mesmerizing and brings out the laziest parts of me.

As I look forward to a rest, I want to remind everyone to do the same. Take a break. Listen to the birds. Watch the clouds. See the big picture.

If you’re a planner like me, stop. Don’t plan anything and just let one day become the next. It will do you so much good to stop being your own worst enemy, and possibly everyone else’s too!

You don’t have to be anywhere, or do anything, or be anyone for a few short little weeks of the year. You don’t have to make big decisions (and shouldn’t), be zen or learn a new skill, develop yourself or seek a new career. You don’t have to be zip lining, cycling 100 km a day, or organizing an event. Turn yourself off.

I believe everyone should have 2 major holidays a year. One as described above, where you turn it all off and a second one where you turn yourself on – experience something new, go somewhere, try something. We need both in order to be healthy.