Author: samandoat

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Home Alone

I go through phases when I’m at home any length of time. Right now I’ve reached the dreamy phase.

When I’m first confined to barracks, I feel a bit lost and it is hard to establish a new routine.

Then I go through periods of neglect, laziness and generally being a bitch to be around. When I can’t stand myself anymore I immediately leap into strip the apartment to the bones housecleaning, scrub myself till I’m raw, and up and at ’em with living room aerobics 1-2-3, stretch that body, you can do 20 more reps! There, done!

And in between all my moods, I do my creative stuff and the hours and days fly by. I am in bliss!

Admiring everything sparkling and clean, my projects all up to speed and running, my body toning up, I can now relax and start to dream. Dream about what I would have liked the past to have been, what I might like the future to be. The present I can’t do a whole heck of a lot about.

I recreate the past into fanciful stories. Not that my past was bad, in fact, my childhood was idyllic! It is the adult part that sucked. Let’s see that adds up to 40+ years of it. I can do a lot of recreating with that!

The future awaits!

Sell everything and buy a mobile home and explore the land with Sam my cat. I almost did that once. My friend and I had a beautiful little van and we took many trips . . . those were better days.

Maybe go and work at a farm this summer as they are predicting a shortage of workers this year because of the corona virus. Fresh air, sunshine, dreadfully hard labour. Could this old body take the punishment? My mind likes to thinks so, but I’ve had experience with this kind of wishful thinking. It doesn’t end well, for body or mind.

Oh, well, who am I kidding. I’ll just go back to the office once it is opened and begin where it ended, like nothing ever happened.

I don’t have the courage, but mostly, I don’t have the money.

But I can dream!

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Let’s Go For Broke!

Two starlings look down on me in askance, from a wire against a grey spring day. I am alone on the street. It is Saturday, and devoid of the hustle and bustle of a normal weekend.

The birds are wondering what is going on.

Though I love quiet, this kind of stillness is not natural. It feels eerie, like a prelude to something bad in a horror movie. I don’t enjoy my walk much, even though I desperately needed to get out and get some fresh air. The world has become a scary place.

This sense of foreboding lingers on even in the confines of my safe apartment. My one cat apartment, where once everything seemed boringly mundane. My cat is uneasy too, his routine disrupted, though I try hard to leave him alone until he wants my company. Things are not the same, and probably, will never be totally again.

I always wished that we could have one day a month, at least, where all activity and noise ceased. No lawnmowers, traffic, radios and the like, just quiet. I still think we need to do this, not just for our sanity, but the worlds.

Just ask my two starling friends. They too have never experienced such quiet. I wonder how they feel about that.

No question that spring is arriving anyhow. Many song birds have returned and filled up the gloomy air with their cheery and now more than ever, welcome familiar songs. Many flocks of geese honk their way above me. It should greatly cheer me, but I only feel afraid.

However, I am encouraged by how quickly the world is recovering from our continual onslaughts of pollution and noise. Amazed is more like it. Too bad it took such a crisis for this to happen.

I am also encouraged by how quickly people showed their true colours, of community, compassion, sacrifice.

I wish that all the good this Covid-19 is bringing could outweigh all the bad of it, and most of all I wish that our entire way of being and conducting business will change for the good. We will leave our greedy, selfish mindset behind. We will stop emulating and worshipping those who set money and their own personal adulation above everyone and everything else.

I should like to see a complete restructuring of society as I now see it does not reflect our true selves and our true values. Pre-virus it was a society based on the greed and control of the select few and is in no way representative of the true spirit and nature of mankind.

This is not a time to just go back to a society of greed and arrogance. This is a time to start anew. We have a golden opportunity to change the way we do things. To still have all the benefits without all the bad.

If only this time history did not repeat. That we learn our hard lessons and make the necessary adjustments. We finally realize we are a global community, we are all in this together. There is no us and them. We end poverty and pollution. We have free health care for everyone. While we are at it, let’s go for free higher education. Free public transportation. Free housing for seniors. Let’s go for broke!

And NO it won’t make us broke. The money is there, it is just crammed up in the 1%. And what do they do with it now? Build more f’in cars, telephones and rockets. Line their own pockets, demand we kiss their . . . . Uh, uh, there I go again!

Wealth is not a bad thing. It just needs to be used a bit better.

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Us and Them

The Covid-19 crisis is a time to remember that there is no Us and Them. This is a time to finally get rid of this mentality. We are a global community, faced with the same problems, and in need of everyones help to solve.

It is also a good time to take off those rose colored glasses concerning our history. There never was a pure race, a better time, or a perfect culture. This stupidity causes immense suffering and death. This thinking leads to dictators and totalitarianism. We can’t live in or recreate a past that never was. We must build a better today and a future.

We have not been soiled by immigrants, the others, the THEMS that populate our tiny planet. We are THEMS to somebody else.

No single person, culture, race is to blame for any of our current problems. WE ALL are to blame.

There is only US, WE, together. We are all one species. Homo Sapiens. All of us.

We occupy the same mote of rock in this infinite sized universe. One part of this dust speck is not separate from the other.

The sooner we get to this point, the faster we can solve our biggest threats like pandemics, pollution, poverty. These affect us ALL.

Stop politicisizing everything and everyone. It is time we smartened up and work together.

It is also time to stop pandering to the 1%. We are all in this together.

If this disease doesn’t teach us that, the next one will be a thousand times worse.

If our current crises don’t teach us unity, the next crisis will kill us.

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Never

I like the word Never.

It is both final and infinite.

It is like a buffer stop at the end of the train tracks. It is also like the universe, an infinite expanding je ne sais quoi.

And not terribly helpful.

You’ll never be an artist or writer (well, 19 books and a blog 2 1/2 years running later. . .)

You’ll never get a degree (a Bachelor of Arts if you please)

You’ll never make your living as a creative (well, still working on that one!)

My point is not to brag. My point is never is a long, long time of not. There aren’t too many things that are never. People are changeable, adaptable and quite clever. The universe is always on the move. So is time.

We usually can find a way to disqualify never.

And that is by doing.

The people who tell me never have just issued me a challenge. But sometimes it’ll get me down. It has in the past, destroyed me.

I hope no one has told you a never that stopped you in your tracks.

If it has, I challenge you to question that never. Nevers can become beliefs, and when they do, we stop examining them and just live them.

Take a belief out of your pocket and have a good look at it. Is it your never?

I’ll never do or have or be this or that? Who says! Only you.

Take your never out for a walk and show it who is boss.

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Lost and Found

I recently heard a story about a man who was only 6 months away from becoming a surgeon, when he discovered his true calling, woodworking, and completely abandoned his studies.

I also knew a young woman who had many scholarships to study biochemistry, but gave it all up to pursue dance.

These people are very brave, and very lucky.

And now, very happy.

Once you embark on a career, especially as a professional, you can become locked in it, and escape is virtually impossible.

I envy these people their courage to follow their hearts.

I wish I had of. I could have been creating stuff instead of enduring decades of misery and drudgery.

Money is not what you should chase. It is yourself you should pursue.

Being locked into a life that is less than inspiring is a loss for everyone.

Pursue your dreams. F the money. F the naysayers. F the people who think they know what is best for you. F the people in charge of you. Live your life.

If you are lost, then I hope with all my heart, you find yourself soon.

Try lots of things, you never know what is just around the corner.

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Stretch!

Today is a good day to stretch. Stretch the body, stretch the mind.

Just a little bit.

Cats do it all the time. They are on to something.

Your body would like to stand up once in a while.

Your brain might like a different kind of subject to read about.

Your feet might like to walk.

Your mind might like to try a rest with meditation or maybe to watch the birds fly by.

A change is as good as a rest, it need not be elaborate. Even a change of scene is good enough.

We all need to start airing ourselves out after a winter of good grief, holy shit, unbelievable crap that has been happening in our world.

A day of appreciating what we have and what we have for free, think about those things for a while.

And take a deep breath – that’s a good stretch for both body and mind.

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I Want to Throw Up

After reading yet one more account of crimes committed by yet another Republican on Trumps team, I have come to the conclusion that they support Trump not because they care so much for him, as it is to hide their own sins. In fact, Trump has given them riotous license to do as they please, above and beyond all laws, morals and plain old common human decency.

I am stunned by the level of corruption and disregard for the law in the United States political realm today. It is all lies, lies, lies and even when they are exposed, absolutely nothing happens. Nothing!!

Everything from DUI’s to money laundering to tax fraud to racism to crimes I have never even imagined in my entire life are committed by this brood of vipers. Stuff that you or I as common people would never even dream of doing, and if we did, we would spend lifetimes in jail – there would be no pardons for us!

I can’t stomach any more of this. I have reached the breaking point.

Is this what it means to be rich and powerful? To be vulgar rapists? To leave no stone unturned in the pursuit of money? Anything goes? It is terrifying. It is disgusting, vile and it makes me want to throw up.

Please make this nightmare stop and restore our sense of balance. The world is topsy turvy. Babylon is falling. All the demons are out of the box. Is there not even a shred of humanity left? Not in politics. Not in our leaders. How can people support this evil? WHY? I don’t understand any of it.

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Crisp Days

I am not much for taking a walk, but yesterday I had to walk a ways in probably the coldest day of the year so far (a temperate -25 C) thanks to our bus transportation system living up to its usual low standards (that is, not arriving).

However, it was a clear sunny day, with no wind and was absolutely beautiful to experience. I am not much for winter either, but appreciated the interplay of sun and shadow on unbroken snow, and the stark silhouettes of waiting trees against a blue sky.

Perhaps also the crisp air cleaned out a lot of cosmic cobwebs in my head, a nice spring cleaning way before spring arrives.

I was dressed for the cold because I know how reliable our bus service is, so I didn’t mind the chill. But by the time I got to where I wanted to be, I had a good glow on my face.

It might inspire more walks, without the motivation of virtual buses. Lord knows I need some exercise.

I’ll give it some thought while I sip a mug of hot chocolate.

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Muddled

We have become a nation of muddled thinkers.

There is too much information coming at us 24/7, non stop, thanks to instantly accessible devices such as our phones.

So we bring a lot of unrelated things together and think it makes sense. We also hail conspiracy theories and super heroes because they are in movies, which we think are real. Paranoia runs rampant thanks to crazy people posting crazy ideas that literally thousands of people read. There are doctored photographs and fake documents. We have a great deal of difficulty sorting it all out.

Our education system failed us. Never taught us how to think logically, to solve problems. It taught us how to memorize and passed that off as proving we are smart. We cannot discern fact from fiction, we have not learned how to read a person or a book. We have not learned how to separate emotion from logic. We cannot reason. It is a skill that is lost.

There are people who think eggs, milk and cheese come from plants. There are people who still believe the world is flat. That pollution doesn’t exist. That Trump never lies (really!!).

Part of the problem is we are emotional creatures. We respond to feelings. This is left over from our very primitive beginnings before we had language or the written word. We communicated with emotions. We are also visual beings, an image can have a lasting impact on us. Combine visual with emotion and you have people blindly led to slaughter. It once saved us from predators, now it feeds us to them.

So we are greatly influenced by advertisements and cleverly created videos, and people who can speak with passion.

If you speak with passion you can win the hearts of many. Just look at Trump. He can’t even say most of the words, and if you read the transcripts, it doesn’t even make sense. Yet people buy the insanity because there is emotion behind it.

The other thing that muddles us is we are juveniles.

Yes, many are still children, wanting to be rescued and taken care of by Daddy. Without an adult brain, people do not know how to survive on their own. We are not resilient. We are wimps, whining about the most stupidest of things, to going outright ballistic about inconsequential meaningless events. We expect others to do things for us. We are babies. Some of these babies endanger others, like demanding their employees go back into a burning building to rescue a painting (really, this just recently happened) and then fired them and condemned them on the internet. What the fuck are we thinking?

Once I attended a classical music pre-concert get together, where we got to meet the conductor and some of the musicians and hear some talks and ask some questions. The conductor related a story that a man threatened to kill him because he played Beethoven’s 5th symphony too slow! He actually had to be put under police protection for a while!

I have seen internet postings of people having meltdowns because they didn’t get ketchup with their fries. And of course, we have all seen Bridezillas wreaking havoc with virtually everyone in sight.

This is all very muddled, juvenile thinking, dangerous thinking. Which leads us to very muddled, juvenile, dangerous actions.

And look at where it is taking us.

Scary indeed.