There is a huge difference between my brain at 2 a.m. and at 2 p.m.
Sometimes at 2 a.m. I suddenly wake up to a world of worry. No matter what I do, I see worse case scenarios. Going broke. Getting ill. Dying alone. Losing everything. Good grief.
Why does my early before dawn self do that?
Knowing the type of person I am, it is just my brain trying hard to be prepared. I like to be organized, ahead of the curve. I loathe surprises, especially ones I could have easily prevented if I had of just being paying attention.
But good grief, I can’t solve it all!
I have a list of good things to think about when this happens to read over and over until I fall asleep. Sometimes I recreate my past into a more agreeable form, I rewrite history so that the 2 a.m. crisis doesn’t exist. A lot of work. But a whole lot better than throwing off the covers because I’m having a worry sweat. A worry sweat is closely related to a hot flash, same result, different reason.
Then, when the sun comes up and I’m still staring at the ceiling wondering what the heck just happened for the last 3 hours, life suddenly doesn’t look so bleak.
My Mother always said “Things will look better in the morning.”
This is so true.
Many times in my life I rehearse that and not just at night. Like when I’ve had compulsions, strange urgings, foreboding thoughts, cravings. I apply it any time I just can’t release myself from obsessive thoughts gone wrong.
At 2 p.m. I am my most blissful self, diametrically opposed to that 2 a.m. raving lunatic that thinks the world is ending right now.
What a difference 12 hours can make.